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The “C” Word – Children & Conduct

D/s-M Conduct in the Home

No…. Not those “C” words! ….. Dirty Minded Dominants…..

The most frequently asked questions to Little Kaninchen and myself would undoubtedly be regarding children. One could surmise that the frequency of this question would indicate that the majority of our followers have children and that the solution is extraordinarily elusive. Every couple will have varying circumstances specific to their particular situation. Due to the dynamic nature of one’s household it would be insurmountable to write a generic post that would cover every situation. Furthermore, each couple has their own particular style regarding their D/s conduct and lifestyle. This post is representative of Little Kaninchen and my own D/s-M relationship and will be our first attempt at addressing the ever complicated situation.

“How do you manage a D/s-M relationship with children in the house?”

As Little Kaninchen approaches my bed she gently places her cuffs beside me on our down comforter, “May I please get into your bed with you, Sir?” she says as she extends her arms out towards me. It is nearly midnight as I sit up on the edge of the bed and take her right wrist in my hand and secure the leather cuff. As I take her left hand and begin to secure the other leather cuff I look into her eyes. I can tell immediately by the expression in her eyes that she knows, she senses my desire.

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“Yes, Kaninchen, please join me.” I say as I gently draw her arm out toward the center of the bed. With Little Kaninchen’s feet still soundly on the hardwood floor beside our bed her naked body stretches out across my lap. I touch her skin softly and begin lightly rubbing her body all over. After warming her bottom up a bit I begin a light spanking. Little Kaninchen’s breath begins to become rhythmic as I increase the intensity of each swat.

I reach down and place my hand between her legs and gently smack the inside of her right thigh, “Spread your legs for me, Kaninchen”, I command. Little Kaninchen immediately takes a wider stance allowing me access to her sex. I rub my fingers across her dripping wet folds, Kaninchen let out a resounding moan.

“Enjoying your spanking are you”, I asked. “Yes Sir!” she moaned.

I slipped two fingers into her pussy and immediately began to work her sex with ferocity. After just a minute I quickly withdraw my digits. As I pulled my fingers out of her, her hips involuntarily pushed back trying to seduce them back into her. With her hips pushing back toward my hand and her back arched pushing her sex high in the air I unexpectedly return to my assault on her ass. As my hand lands soundly on the cheek of her ass…”Smack!”… out of nowhere, the theme song for Star Wars fills the air…

The Star Wars music is coming from LK’s cell phone.

“Hello?” she croaks.

“Mommy, I hear something that sounds like somebody slapping someone, are you alright?” My son asks earnestly.

“Ah, um, of course… Ah, your father is working out… Daddy is doing jumping jacks.”

“Oh, okay… Goodnight,” he says pacified that everything is alright.

“Goodnight, love you”

“How on earth can you carry this off with kids in the home? That’s one of our biggest challenges.”

“…but how do you carry this off with kids at home? That’s one of our greatest impediments.”

While my work schedule is not aways conducive for a happy marriage, it has a few sound characteristics for a D/s-M marriage. I typically travel three, six day tours a month with 3-5 days off at home each time back. We have two children which are both in school and while they are attending school my schedule allows us to procure a full-on scene approximately 3 times a month.

Vanilla With a Twist

Vanilla sex is extinct for the two of us now. We have “Vanilla With a Twist” or full-on scenes, no vanilla sex any longer.

“Vanilla With a Twist,” is everything except heavy flagellation, which tends to be the play that produces the most sound.  There are still a couple of types of flagellation that while producing results can be on the more quiet side, caning and the crop.  When you consider most of the toys in your toy box, most can be utilized without producing much, if any sound at all.  The use of a gag can also help muffle noises from your submissive.  Most of our sex would be “vanilla with a twist”.  We accomplish this no differently than any vanilla couple having vanilla sex.  Well, the sex is certainly different but the scheduling of the time would be exactly the same with the exception of, most likely, needing more time to play.

Even prior to this lifestyle, when we go to our bedroom we lock the door. Our children will knock if they need us.  Your children quickly reach an age where it becomes inappropriate for them to see you in private situations, such as in your underwear.  We simply told our children that we needed our privacy as they need theirs.

In order to help disguise any noises we either turn on the TV, which I sometimes find distracting, or we turn on some music.

Sometimes you have to steal the moment or opportunity when it reveals itself.  I find myself searching for and mindful of these opportunities, they happen more often than you might think.  That spontaneity is a major element in the make-up of the Dominance and submission chemistry.

Lay Across My Lap lk

Last night as Little Kaninchen was entering my bed I asked her to lay across my lap. It was approximately 1:00 a.m. on a school night. Our children had been asleep for a long time and like most children, sleep soundly once down. It was very late for us and we were both exhausted. I wanted badly to just lay down and rest and since we had to get up at 6:00 a.m. with the kids, I am sure LK felt the same. I also know how a spanking seems to rest my Little Kaninchen’s mind.  I began rubbing and massaging her skin as I normally do, followed by a light warm up and a proper spanking.  During these types of moments it’s not the erotic pain that we are after.  I don’t necessarily spank her “hard”, mostly due to the noise.  Little Kaninchen says that the spankings settle her mind, that they are relaxing, loving almost therapeutic.  The spanking was only about ten minutes long.  Afterwards, LK thanked me, cuddled up on my chest and shortly after I wrapped my arms around her she was fast asleep.

“How do you handle this with a teenager in the house?”

“and I still wonder how you manage this with kids at home?”

Dominance and submission and Teenagers

When our children are out of school for the summer scheduling a scene is much more difficult. Little Kaninchen and myself have two children and I shamefully admit that when one of them has asked for permission to spend the night at a friend’s house we have suggested to the other that, maybe they too, could spend the night at one of their friends houses.

Consider getting a sitter to watch your children, only this time take the children and the sitter to the Sunday matinée.  Pay for them to see two matinée movies and give them some snack money.  The matinée should be relatively inexpensive and the children and the sitter will love it.

Ask your parents or in-laws to babysit while you “go on a date”.  Even if this is only possible once every couple of months this is a great option.  LK and myself don’t live by either of our families so we understand the plight of those that don’t.

“Our daughter stays up later than us, so we are often trying to grab play time when she is at a sports practice and our poor 4 yrs old is placed in front of the TV.”

Dominance and submission Outside of the Bedroom

For us our lifestyle has crept out of the bedroom.  This is subject for a completely different post. I would say that the most profound change that our children can see is in my behavior.  I no longer say things like “go ask your mother”, though her influence is most likely what is going to prevail.  Today, I would ask all the proper questions of a parent and tell them to let me think about it for a few minutes, then I would consult LK, in private, regarding the request.  I may be the captain but from previous experience I realize that when I travel as much as eighteen days a month, I often don’t have the big picture of all the recent events. I don’t just lead but I exhibit qualities of a leader.  I am more of a gentleman than ever.  Little Kaninchen and myself get along wonderfully now and seldom argue especially in front of the children.

Most everyone that reads this post is into a D/s or BDSM lifestyle of some sort, so please share your own experiences, suggestions or questions with us.  If your story is to long for a reply comment or you would like to maintain your anonymity contact me by email.

 

14 Comments
  1. ankoku1331 6 years ago

    What a timely post. Our play for the day was interrupted by our children, which unfortunately happens more often than not. As for how we deal with that I think that is a blog post all it’s own. 😀

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Nate,

      Unfortunately, our play this morning was interrupted as well, twice. Our perseverance and determination prevailed, however.

      husDom

  2. hispetitelle 6 years ago

    We play a lot of music throughout the day and we are always singing and dancing as a family and frequently have dance parties in the living room with the kids. So now when we have music playing at night while we play, the kids don’t think anything of it because they are used to music being played all the time anyway. The music really serves to muffle sound, especially when it’s one of the intense playlists we’ve put together. During my bout of extreme insomnia a couple of years back I would play music at night to try and help me sleep so anything heard at night would just leave them thinking Mommy is trying to get to sleep. Our kids sleep very soundly, which helps tremendously, and we strive to keep them that way by making sure they get worn out during the day, eat well, and have very regular bedtimes. Last night we were pretty loud and they didn’t hear a thing 🙂

  3. HusDom 6 years ago

    Elle,

    Those are some great ideas…

    Thanks for the input.

    husDom

  4. desireous 6 years ago

    I was going to say music but it looks like that was already covered so I’ll just agree. I’ve actually had to cover my head with a pillow before when I didn’t have music available. Practically smothered myself lol

  5. N_Flux 6 years ago

    We are lucky in that we have been able to make our partially finished basement into a stealth dungeon. Toys are kept in a locked footlocker buried in a closet, there is a full size bed and curtains hung to supress sounds. We have a boombox that has an input for an MP3 player, and a lamp that has a red bulb. My teenaged daughter uses the space as a bedroom when she stays with us, so it truly is “stealth”. The only thing that might give it away are the eyebolts installed in a beam, you know, “to hang a clothesline from”. Our biggest challenge is making the time to play down there.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      N Flux,

      We hope to someday have something ‘stealthy’ as well.

      Hanging drapes is another great idea to suppress noise…

      I love the red bulb too.

      Thanks for sharing.

      husDom

  6. SirsLynx 6 years ago

    Ok, so we have 4 security guards living on site with us and 4 kids!!!! Not to mention the windows in this country are glass slats that don’t completely close!!! We have 3 choices….

    1- we set up a movie for the kids and then a separate one for the guards in the back house….

    2- when a loud thunderstorm hits (happens a few times a week during rain season) we run into our room and toss an idea at the kids to make popcorn and watch a movie or play games….go play in the rain!!! 😉

    3- we wait until the kids are asleep and try to be quiet only to notice that none of our security guards will make direct eye contact with me for a few days and I’m so embarrassed I try to keep my distance from them 😉

    We haven’t had an evening away from the kids in so long…..when we finally do…..I’m going to let loose and Sir is going to be in shock!

    • Author

      Sirs Lynx,

      Alight, to be honest I can’t seem to get much further than four security guards living on site. The environment that you are living in is a bit more challenging than my own.

      It is amazing how other couples dynamics can be so different than your own. We are all trying to accomplish basically the same things yet our journeys will be so different.

      I can’t help but thinking that choice #2 is dependent on the rainy season, so in the not rainy season, I’m going to call it the dry season, things are really dry around there… Lol

      Stay safe,

      Mr. Fox

  7. sir 3 years ago

    Mr.fox

    To combat the child situation I have built a playroom/dungeon off of my master bedroom. The playroom has exterior doors to deaden sound, as well the wall joining the play room and my master bedroom is insulated. To deaden the sound so my 65 year old neighbour sitting on his deck drinking a beer does not hear us, I insulated the exterior walls and in addition warped them in one inch styrofoam insulation. Now we simply close the doors to playroom and the french doors from my bedroom to the hallway and are isolated.

    This in its self created another problem. We have two small children and now can not hear them either. To rectify this problem I installed a discreet baby monitor in the hallway to her if they are wandering around or need help with something.

    Lots of great suggestions And advice!

    Best regards,
    Sir

  8. Marsh 1 year ago

    Dear Mr Fox,

    My wife and I recently began this new adventure and have had many discussions about how to maintain our new lifestyle outside the bedroom and outside our home. I have appreciated your posts, especially these older ones.
    I have agreed that outside our bedroom she may refer to me by my given name unless directed otherwise. She struggles to refer to me as anything but Sir. Something I am proud of her for this. Understanding that D/s-M relationship is different, how have you and LK addressed this? I have read your post on how you refer to her, and I see how this is easily masked. But how does she refer to you when discretion is required?

    • Author

      Marsh,

      In many circumstances lk addresses me by my given name.

      The only requirement that I have for lk is that when I call her ‘Kaninchen’ she is to respond with ‘Sir’, no matter the situation. And of course if we were scening.

      lk will often refer to me as ‘Sir’ even though I do not require this of her. It means the world to me when she uses Sir without it being a command or requirement. She will use this title even around our children from time to time and around others as well. Again, this would be from time to time and not all of the time. When she first did it around our children, who were teenagers at the time, she just said that it was her way of giving me respect. Much like when you say ma’am or sir.

      And in very intimate circumstances lk will sometimes refer to me as ‘Sire’.

      The key to me is to make your dynamic to where it isn’t interfering with your regular life or your comfort level. There is no right or wrong here and there is no requirement to demonstrate your lifestyle to everyone around you. Make the use of your names and or titles comfortable for both of you.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  9. havocblaid 1 year ago

    This article is very interesting to me. Me and my wife have 11 children so we so our best to make and find the time for our play. Since we both work opposite shifts and only see each other in passing during most days. So the way we do it is I get up before she comes home from her late shift. And as long as neither of us is to exhausted. We make our play time then. I don’t require much sleep so I’m still okay when I get up in the morning.

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