Domination and submission Contracts | Dominant Training

Domination and submission Contract

What is a D/s contract?

A contract is simply an agreement used to outline the responsibilities and expectations of both the Dominant and the submissive. The use of contracts in the world of D/s are oftentimes controversial. Like many other facets in the BDSM community, terms, definitions and the uses of them, make it all too easy to become confused. D/s contracts can be a basic single paragraph or a much more intricate several page document, either way they should remain clear and concise.

D/s contracts are often used for each partner to pledge or vow their commitment to the lifestyle and to one another, similar to a marriage contract.

Negotiating a D/s-M (married) contract is an awful choice of words. Negotiating the contract isn’t really like a typical negotiation at all; It isn’t give and take, concessions and gains. Those types of negotiations are seldom ever open and honest. You wouldn’t begin a typical negotiation by asking for exactly what you wanted, you would ask for more allowing yourself room to negotiate. Negotiating a D/s-M (married) contract is really learning about one another and setting limits and expectations. During “negotiations” you may ask your partner several follow up questions in order to better understand what the other person is comfortable or not comfortable doing.

I most likely can not change the mindset of the BDSM community but I would rather refer to this “negotiation” procedure as a time of discovery and amendment. Discovery as in the legal term, pre-trial or pre-D/s, to obtain evidence or information from the other party through questioning or documents. As both parties begin to develop a better understanding of each other the contract may need to be amended to accommodate both the Dominant’s and the submissive’s wants, needs and desires.

Do you and Little Kaninchen have a D/s contract?

Currently Little Kaninchen and myself do not have a formal D/s-M (married) contract or document. We do, however, have written rules. When we began our journey I glanced at a few contracts and didn’t believe that they were applicable to a long-term married couple. The contracts that I reviewed, were in my opinion, more intended as slave agreements. They were hard and cold, not representing the loving respect that I have for my LK. They were also written for what appeared to be two strangers that didn’t even know each other’s names. Many contracts that I came across may belong in a book or a movie but had little value in a real-life 24/7, married with children D/s-M relationship. Little Kaninchen and myself have been married for many years and are quite acquainted with one another.

What we did do with the contract I would recommend as a must for all beginners. Online we found a formal, rather long and detailed contract. We spent an evening in bed reading the contract to one another. Laughing at the ridiculousness of some of the formalities and limits and learning from the sections that we could relate to. As we were laughing and joking we learned a lot about one another and our sexualities. It gave me remarkable insight to my submissive’s new perception of her sexuality. It also clarified her soft and hard limits which at the time was probably only half a dozen items on this extremely thorough list of activities. As LK was jumping into D/s with both feet and begging for more, more, more, it was up to me to find our limits without crashing right through them. This time spent reviewing and discussing almost everything imaginable regarding sex left me with a greater understanding of what she was desiring. Without our discussion I would have completely underestimated the gravity of what Little Kaninchen truly desired.

Domination and submission Contracts | Dominant Training

Recently we had our D/s anniversary and reviewed our limits. It is important to say “our” limits. I, believe it or not, have two more limits than LK. Little Kaninchen has just a few hard limits remaining, our growth is amazing. They are the really disgusting, completely gross, probably not legal in most countries, kind of limits that will never change.(I did mention that the contract that we reviewed was thorough). LK also said to me that she completely trusts me, knowing that I would never do anything to harm her, and said that she would do anything that I asked, and she meant it. Hearing my submissive say those words to me and knowing that she sincerely means them touches my soul.

Should we begin our journey with a contract?

Previously, I could not obtain a suitable D/s contract for LK and myself and I decided to forego this detail. After writing this post I have decided that I owe it to my LK and myself to create one. A contract will add another layer of formal protocol to our D/s-M (married) lifestyle that I know my LK truly desires.

I am open to any and all suggestions regarding contracts. Please forward information to husband2dom@gmail.com

If others are interested I will post a sample D/s contract when I am finished.

Mr Fox

Dominant Training

Domination and submission Contracts | Dominant Training

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39 Comments
  1. littlekaninchen 6 years ago

    Sir, I will be waiting for our D/s-M contract! I trust in you and our D/s!

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Little Kaninchen,

      I should have given you a contract long ago. Just because I couldn’t find an applicable contract to plagiarize is no excuse. I will create one that represents our D/s-M relationship and provides proper guidance for us both.

      husDom

      • littlekaninchen 6 years ago

        I know you will guide us in the right direction. The images soo reminds me of that night we sat in bed and looked at some of those crazy contracts… We can make one so others D/s-M couples can use it as well!
        AML&S… ❤

  2. Brian 6 years ago

    Thanks so much for your insight….

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Brian,

      I appreciate your comment and you are most welcome…

      I am working on our contract as we speak…

      husDom

  3. Professor Taboo 6 years ago

    An excellent post HusDom! This is a very good introduction for the curious or novices early in their BDSM journey. What I liked most about your post was your awareness (and LK’s) how the journey will change your hard/soft limits over time — hence, “amendments” just like the American Constitution has been amended over time. Well done! And what I LOVED about this great post was your pointing-out the rather big difference between two strangers in a D/s, Top/bottom, Switch, etc., role versus the married-versions of the same! Well done again!

    Finally, at the very least — and it deserves reiterating: VERY LEAST you and your partner/spouse will learn/gain is the constantly improving articulation & communication! A standing ovation from me Sir! Very well done. LK is very fortunate to have you; but she knows that already doesn’t she? 😉

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Professor Taboo,

      I’m not sure that I am worthy of all of the accolades that you have bestowed upon me regarding my most recent post.

      And a standing “O” from such a long time experienced D such as yourself is deafening to me.

      husDom

  4. Daddy 6 years ago

    Contract is such a strong and bold word. It implies a somewhat salty coating to something so sweet, and to break it would impel one to basically cease and desist. It’s not something I would be willing to do. I prefer Creed over Contract. Guidelines, as it were. Great post, HusDom. Enlightening as always. Take care, you two.

    WSC

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Daddy,

      Most contracts do tend to be lacking personal intimacy. I am on a mission to change that…

      husDom

  5. hispetitelle 6 years ago

    In Judaism, there is a very specific marriage contract, called a ketubah, that is presented at the betrothal, which biblically takes place about a year before the wedding. It details the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of both the husband and wife. Contracts between husbands and wives are not as foreign as one might think. A ketubah can even get specific with how frequently a couple has sex. Considering the fact that many people just wing it when it comes to marriage, a contract makes a lot of sense. It is a natural progression with D/s marriage that a contract is developed.

  6. Miroslava 6 years ago

    I don’t know why I keep reading your blog. Please don’t get me wrong, I love all your posts, is just that it is painful everytime I read it because I realize how broken is my intimate relationship with my husband. I can’t even make him want to have sex with me anymore. He swears is not me but doesn’t do anything to fix it. I believe I am a natural born sub and would love to experience a relationship with an experienced dom. I’ve never done so before. I am 34 and am starting to feel eager to experience new things but I just wish my husband was on the same page. Anyhow, I am just deeply hurt and sad.
    I truly wish that you and LK value how lucky you both are and cherish every second of your relationship.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Miroslava, (such a beautiful name – peace and glory)

      I am truly sorry for all of your sadness and pain. I can actually physically feel it as I read your comment. No matter the lifestyle, sound relationships always begin with proper communication.

      “I believe I am a natural born sub”

      Just by you having the inclination that you are a natural born sub, tells me that you are indeed submissive.

      Little Kaninchen and myself do cherish our relationship. We both feel as though we have found the secret and want to share our secret with the world, hence the blogs.

      Little Kaninchen has a blog as well… https://submrs.com

      Thank you for your comment,

      husDom

  7. Miroslava 6 years ago

    You are truly a special human being. Your lines, although tore more tears from my swollen eyes, made me feel better. You really touched my heart. Thank you. I follow LK’s blog too.
    Your fan always,

  8. ballsybilly 6 years ago

    A contract can be a good and loving thing. It just depends on ones beliefs. Just like marriage. Some people are all for it and others, “It’s just a piece of paper”! I for one believe in marriage and D/s contracts. e and I do have a loving, sometimes strict, contract and it does show personal intimacy.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Ballsybilly,

      I will be working on a contract like your for my LK…

      Thanks for your reblog..

      husDom

  9. ballsybilly 6 years ago

    Reblogged this on mastererotica60.

  10. N_flux 6 years ago

    I thought it important to have something in writing not so much to set limits, but to solidify our commitment to this new dynamic in our marriage. Like you, I looked up numerous contracts online. I took parts I liked, tweeked them to our life, and added in things that we wanted as a part of our Agreement. I printed it out and we had a private time to read, sign, and “consummate” the Agreement.

    N_flux

  11. Master's Slave 6 years ago

    Beautifully Stated should it be needed. A beautiful contract that says I love you and consent to be dominated.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Masters Slave,

      Indeed!

      All contracts should state clearly, the responsibilities of the Dominant as well…

      How is he going to care for and feed his submissive?

      More than half of all of the contracts that I have read online are missing this extremely important element.

      husDom

  12. Maestros darkling 6 years ago

    What a beautifully written post! Maestro and I are also in a long term relationship, and also found that the “contracts” we discussed seemed impersonal and cold. Not at all like what we had or were looking for!
    Thank you for this!

    Maestro’s darkling

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Maestro’s Darkling,

      Thank you for your kind words. I really enjoy hearing from others regarding their long term D/s-M relationships. It really is wonderful knowing that there are others like us.

      husDom

  13. Elizabeth 6 years ago

    I’m so happy to have found your post. My husband and I are relatively newcomers to BDSM play (about a year) and have run into this negotiation road-block time and again. I’m grateful he wants to be my Dom – and the level of enthusiasm he has displayed. But, he doesn’t feel we need to negotiate scenes because we’re married and should just “experiment.” I’ve been insisting on more communication, and it hasn’t always gone well. It seems most negotiation and contract resources are geared to people who don’t know one another well, which hasn’t helped my cause to talk more before scene play. We’ve expressed our hard and soft limits overall, but that’s as far as I can get him to go! Any advice is appreciated. Clearly *I’m* not communicating to him well.

  14. HusDom 6 years ago

    Elizabeth,

    Welcome aboard!

    To allow myself a better understanding of your situation would you please indulge me in a couple of questions?

    The two of you are D/s and not a Top/bottom?

    “talk more before scene play”
    You desire to negotiate each scene?

    The two of you have already negotiated, as a whole, such as limits, likes and dislikes, and in general, both of your sexual interests?

    “I’ve been insisting on more communication”
    Describe your ideal communication? What is it exactly that you would like him to do? Give me an example.

    If you would like to answer these questions privatly feel free to answer them in an email, mrfox@husdom.com. You may also, CC, lk@submrs.com to allow some transparency if you are uncomfortable with contacting another Dominant.

    Respectfully,

    Mr. Fox

    • DreamCatcher 6 years ago

      Hello Mr. Fox,

      Could you please clarify the distinction between D/s and Top/bottom?

      Thank you,
      DreamCatcher

  15. Elizabeth 6 years ago

    These are wonderful questions. I will reply in a separate email and “cc” Kaninchen, as well. Thank you for your time. With respect, Elizabeth

  16. Jamie 6 years ago

    How do I tell my master Sam that I need intense training for my mouthyness and and learning to let go of control and do u have any ideas for me to do this so I can make my master Sam happy my email is lordvaderswife@gmail.com I have asked my master Sam if I could seek extra help and he agreed it would b a good idea

    • Author

      Jamie,

      Your question is much more popular than you may realize.

      The answer is communication!

      The two of you need to be able to articulate your needs and desires with regard to this type of relationship.

      The question that I am left with after reading your comment is, “Is your question based off of your need and desire to please your Master or is it from Master Sam desiring this of you for his pleasure?”

      There is a difference… and neither answer is incorrect. The answer would lead to a more direct solution.

      My following statement may not go over quite as well but it is your Dominant that should be seeking the answers regarding how to train you.

      If you would like more answers to your questions and in a more private setting, please visit My Little Kaninchen at https://submrs.com and click on the contact link in the upper right hand corner. LK will be more than happy to discuss your situation in more detail. If Master Sam would like to contact me please advise him that he can contact me through a similar form on my website.

      I look forward to learning more about you both.

      Sincerely,

      Mr. Fox

      • Jamie 6 years ago

        Thank you the answer to your question is that I want more than any thing to please my master it makes me feel loved to hear him call me pet though Ive learned my lesson this week on my mouthyness master had moved in to humiliation tranning I do read her emails I love reading them she has helped me a lot to see my feelings and under stand my master does these things because he loves me and wants the bestfor me and r relationship we have been more vocial with each other and I’m very great full that you both do this for the community thank you

  17. ma petite sirène 6 years ago

    Mr. Fox,
    I have looked through your blog for a copy of the contract that you have made for LK and yourself, but I could not find it. Did you post it here? If you didn’t could you so I can see what one of these would look like for a married couple?

    ~ma pettite sirène

    • mr fox 6 years ago

      Ma Petite Sirene,

      Please remain patient with me, I have not posted our contract yet.

      I am about to release a series of posts regarding discipline and punishment and work my way backwards to the contract and then rules…

      Lately my posts have been driven by readers emails. When I begin to see the same questions or concerns from one email to the next.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  18. Domissive 5 years ago

    Being from Emergency Management, I keep thinking of Objectives, Strategy, and Tactics… 🙂 Great post!

  19. Sayitwithsass 4 years ago

    I am so glad that I found this post. My husband and I are fairly new to the life style and we are looking for guidance. I would love to see a sample contract as well. Thank you so much for your guidance and time.

  20. Marsellus Wallace 3 years ago

    Do you have a link to an appropriate contract for a married D/s?

    • Author

      Marcellus Wallace,

      I do not have or know of any such link to an ‘appropriate’ D/s-M contract…

      Thank you for making this question and bringing the need for it to my attention again…

      I will look into what I can do.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  21. Truly an insightful post. I too am in a D/s- M relationship and have found it difficult to find a contract that will work. We have since foregone the contract and modified our own understandings of what our relationship is. But it is difficult as im sure you knew or have gone through with children in the house to stick to the set agreement.

    I feel a physical contract with goals and outlines would be beneficial to a relationship of our nature. Also the contract would help keep all aspects structured and a higher level of accountability.

    No pressure to you at all but if you ever do get your contract finished I would love to see it as an example. As you stated the D/s community can be “cold” when it comes to our specific dynamic.
    Sincerly,
    Lead

  22. havocblaid 1 year ago

    So I’ve read through all the blogs (a couple times now). Have you figured out your contract as of yet? If so have you posted an idea of it and I just haven’t seen it yet? Me and Emerald are working forward on our own journey. But I believe a contract could be a good step forward.

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