Talking Dirty | A Dominant’s Guide | Married D/s

Dominant Guide

A Dominant’s Guide to Talking Dirty


Regardless of the type of relationship that you may be in, talking dirty to your lover during sex will pay huge dividends to both you and your partner if done correctly.  In a D/s relationship talking dirty to your submissive is a must.  I can not speak with any accuracy regarding the history of the noises, sounds, and dirty talk that have accompanied sex from the beginning of time but I can share my hypothesis regarding some of the factors toward our prudish approach in the twenty first century.


It was not too long ago when using any profanity, especially in public or in front of a lady, would have been inconceivable and completely preposterous.  In fact, as a gentleman, I believe in this standard today as well, you will most likely never overhear me swear in the presence of a lady, in fact, you may never hear me swear at all.

Women have been brought up with the belief that profane language is vulgar and unladylike and therefore should not be used by them or by others in their presence at anytime and under any circumstances.  It was made known that if they were to use such language they would portray themselves as being a tramp or a trollop.  Again, I agree with this philosophy;


“I have a rule in place for my Little Kaninchen that states that she is forbidden to use profanity except during a scene or during play.”


Since both men and woman are commonly raised with the regard that profanity should not be used in the presence of others, and in particular not in front of a member of the opposite sex, it is easy to see why doing so with the one that we care about most may prove to be so difficult.

As men we do not want something that we said and meant as complimentary or erotic in nature to be interpreted as disrespectful or demeaning.  Therefore, without knowing what our boundaries are we tend to not put ourselves at risk with the person that we care the most about; we play it safe and remain silent.

Men are often unsure of exactly what to say when talking dirty and become apprehensive that they may say something that will offer the appearance of being ridiculous.  Most men would rather not reap the benefit of talking dirty during sex if there is even the slightest chance of looking silly or vulnerable in front of their lovers.

Women are in an even more difficult situation than the men.  Women are concerned that if they were to say something risqué that they may cheapen themselves in the eyes of the person that they care about the most.  Like the men, women tend to safeguard themselves from the situation by avoiding it altogether.

Both men and woman are confronted with a similar predicament when faced with initiating dirty talk during sex; will my partner be receptive to my words of passion or will they be insulted and hurt by my words and phrases?

Our five major senses play a significant role in our arousal and sexual satisfaction.  I do not believe that this notion is surprising to anyone but let us examine it a little closer.  Specifically, let us consider the sense of hearing.

Imagine, if you will, your submissive as you begin playing with her during a scene.  Picture her chest rising and falling as she begins to breath deeper, the sound of her breath.  Imagine all of the little noises that she begins to make without even realizing that she is making them.  You may hear the quick sudden breath that she draws when you unexpectedly cane the bottom of her foot.  “Crack”, the sound of the cane coming in contact with the sole of her foot echoes throughout the room.  There is a sound of an abrupt rush of air that flows into her lungs as she is caught off guard by the unexpected surge of pain inflicted upon her, accompanied by a slight moan.  As she absorbs what has just happened to her she exhales slowly and self-controlled as her moan now transitions to a groan and her breathing becomes rhythmic once again as she psychologically digest the pain and transforms the pain into pleasure.COUPLEUPCLOSESSPIOPT313

As a Dominant, I can hear my Little Kaninchen making those erotic sounds as I write.  Every sound she makes, every word she speaks, the sound of impact on her skin, the clanking sound of the metal D-Rings on her cuffs as she struggles to move, every one of these sounds plays an important part of my arousal as we play.  It is not just me though; these sounds also arouse my LK.

Now think of the little things that she says to you during sex;

Right There…

Oh God, don’t stop! Please don’t stop!

You are so big.

Fuck Me.

These little statements drive you wild during sex so don’t you think that she would love to hear something from you during sex as well?


It is not as difficult as you may think…


Let us first consider the atmosphere or one’s mindset.

The exact same words will have significantly different meanings when used under different circumstances.

It is imperative to realize that you should always conduct yourself as a gentleman outside of the bedroom in order to ensure that your submissive knows that you love and respect her.  If you use profanity or dirty talk with your submissive outside of the bedroom or sexual atmosphere it will be demeaning to her as a lady.

In our day to day life we would most likely refer to our genitals with words such as vagina or penis.  During a sexual encounter, however, if you were to begin discussing how you would like to insert your penis into your submissive’s vagina you may very well be laughed at, and rightfully so…

There is a proper place and time for everything in life and you will need to have a working knowledge of this.

I absolutely cherish My Little Kaninchen and would never want to do or say anything to disrespect her.  I placed LK on a pedestal many years ago; she is the mother of my children.

“Tell me that you are my whore!”

This statement means something different to us at this stage of our D/s-M journey but let’s examine it a bit closer.

  • If you were to reference my LK as a whore, WE have a problem.
  • If I were to reference my LK as a whore during a conversation or a discrepancy, I would have a problem.
  • If I were to make that statement during a hot scene, the hot scene will become a torrid inferno!

Remember, there is a proper place and time for every title.

Many men have a difficult time allowing themselves to be vulnerable and talk dirty during sex.  They could never imagine saying such comments to their submissive.  And with this apprehension comes fear…  Fear is an indication that you are not in control.  Everyone can detect fear in someone else’s voice and fear will extinguish any amount of Dominance that you may have possessed.

If you are one of those husDOMs that have difficulty imagining yourself talking dirty to your submissive you should practice.  The next time that you are alone at home, in your hotel room or driving your car, begin to speak aloud.  Concentrate on your voice and the tone of your voice.  Talk about anything that you desire until you are satisfied that you are speaking with confidence.  Then practice speaking aloud the next day and so on, until you are no longer making adjustments to your voice or it’s tone.  You want to find a natural lower pitched tone to your voice and speak clearly with a calm demeanor.  When it comes to the volume of your voice you simply want to speak normally.  A whisper will always have it’s place in any sexual relationship but while talking dirty during sex or giving commands to your submissive a whisper would be a little creepy.  A whisper may be more appropriate if you are in a public or vanilla setting.  Be careful that your whisper does not get over heard by others.

Next begin practicing with simple commands and occasional dirty words and phrases.  Soon you become familiar with hearing yourself speaking these things out loud.

Now that we have established your confidence when talking dirty out loud let us consider what you should say.

If something doesn’t feel right to you then do not say it.  Start small and find things that you are appropriate and that you are comfortable saying.  As you grow as a Dominant so will your confidence and your vocabulary.



Audible and Verbal Expression…

As husDOMs we appreciate and adore our submissives but for some reason when they please us we often internalize our pleasure and while we may express ourselves audibly we do not express ourselves verbally.  There is a big difference between audible expression and verbal expression.  An audible expression is merely a noise, something that is capable of being heard.  An example of an audible expression would be a moan or a groan.  While this type of expression is definitely important during sexual activity it needs to be accompanied by verbal expression as well.  Verbal expression is expression pertaining to spoken words.  You must verbalize, using words, your thoughts, physical sensations and emotions to your submissive.


Silence is a Killer…

During sexual activity Dominants are often looking down at our submissives engrossed with how beautiful they look in the various positions that we have placed them in.  We become so involved in what we are doing that we often forget to verbally communicate with them.

During this time of silence your submissives may begin to allow her mind to wander.  You are so focused and absorbed in the scene that you would only assume that she would have to be as well.  At some point thoughts may begin to drift.

How do I look?

Am I pleasing him?

Am I doing this right?

What is he thinking about?

What does my stomach look like?

D/s-M Five Senses…

Utilizing your five senses may be the best and easiest way to begin talking dirty to your submissive.  Taking the first step is always the most challenging and daunting part of beginning something new and this technique will have you talking like a Dominant in no time.

We seldom consider them but we are all familiar with our five senses.






The D/s-M Five senses concept is relatively simple.  Describe what is happening or what you are feeling at the moment and relate it to one of your five senses.

Sight – You look amazing.

Hearing – I love to make you scream.

Smell – You smell so good.

Taste – I love the way you taste.

Touch – You are dripping wet.

Offer a Compliment…

Compliments do not have to be dirty or even contain dirty words or phrases.   Compliments will also come naturally and be delivered with sincerity.  Likewise, offering compliments will allow yourself to hear your own voice and help you to develop the confidence that you need to begin talking dirty.

You look beautiful kneeling before me.

Your ass turns the loveliest shade of pink.

You make me proud.

Good girl!

Talking Dirty Without Dirty Words…

If you are not familiar with taking dirty and find it difficult in the beginning you can introduce naughty phrases that do not include any dirty words.

I am so proud of you.

You are so wet and I haven’t even begun.

You taste so good on my finger.

Such a naughty girl.

When I decide I am finished with your mouth I will let you cum.

Describe What is Coming Next…

Unlike vanilla love making a good Dominant is going to have afforded a great deal of consideration toward his scene.  At a minimum, the Dominant will have a clear picture of where he is going to begin the scene and what the scene is going to consist of.  Of course scenes are dynamic and can and will take several unexpected turns throughout the endeavor but the Dominant will continually be thinking several steps ahead.

This forward thinking during play will make it easy for you to know what is coming up next.  You can tell your submissive exactly what to expect or you can tease your submissive and give her hints or even ask her to guess.  Either way you will be talking to her and keeping her engaged the entire scene.

I am going roll you over and take your from behind.

I am going to bend you over the arm of the chair and redden your ass with the flogger.

Do you know what I have in my hand?

What do you think this is?  (Laying the crop across her back)

What do you think I am going to do with this?  (Showing her the crop)  

Direct Her with Commands…



As the Dominant it is up to you to direct your submissive’s actions during sex or a scene.  You may be focused on your submissive’s legs or thighs during a particular portion of your scene but it is up to you to instruct her on what your expectations are for the rest of her body as wSUBONSOFALEGSSSPIOPT780ell.  If you do not give your submissive specific instructions her mind will begin to diverge and she will become distracted with concerns of what she should be doing with her hands in order to please you, for example.

Hold on to the top of the headboard and do not let go until I say so.

Place your hands behind your head and interlock your fingers.

Place your hands on your ass and pull yourself open for me.

Submissives are aroused by being given direction and being controlled during sex.  A measure of this control can come in the form of commands.

Turn around, slowly.

Open your mouth.

Look at me when you cum.

Push your ass in the air while I fuck it.

The Dominant’s Guide to Talking Dirty has equipped you with the information required for you to learn how to turn up the heat in your bedroom or dungeon by providing you important details that you need to know in order to be successful

Remember to always be a gentleman and to treat your submissive with the utmost respect.  Keep your talking dirty limited to the bedroom or sexual atmosphere in order to ensure that you do not cheapen or demean your submissive.



A Dominant’s Guide to Talking Dirty

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  1. Very good post Mr. Fox. Love & agree whole heartedly. My Bfly loves when I talk dirty. Thanks and looking forward to more posts. Thamks again for the forum!

  2. Great post Mr Fox Sir, From a submissive point of view it hits all the right buttons and sex kinky or not would be boring without it. It drives both partners to higher levels during play or in a scene. Thank you for writing it and high 5’s to you Sir.

  3. In addition, the submissive may need some training. If you want to hear her say “I love your fucking cock” (or whatever sorts of phrases) for example, and she was raised in a way that was not conducive to this sort of language or communication – it’s foreign – don’t simply expert her to learn a new language.

    Tell her what to say. It could be as simple as:

    D- “Do you love my cock”
    s – yes, Sir
    D – say it!
    s – I love your cock Sir
    (repeat, etc)

    It may even be something where the sub (or Dom) needs to actually practice. The sub could be told to verbally practice (because saying things in your head isn’t training) for X minutes per day, or to write it out.

    Another thought: adjectives are awesome.

    1. Emerging Dom,

      The post was written as a guide for Dominants to understand the significance of talking to and directing their submissive during a scene or during sex as well as finding their own Dominant voice. In most of our Dominant minds I believe that we think we are doing or saying enough during play when in reality if we were to ask our partners most might say that there is room for plenty more. It is this validating expression that turns up the intensity of a scene.

      You are correct… Telling her what to say is a wonderful idea, especially if it is your submissive that has difficulty expressing herself during play.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  4. Thank you all for this interesting discussion. Mr. Fox, you are very thorough in setting out the parameters. I especially like relating it to the five senses!

    EmergingDom you are so right about giving your sub direction about new ways of saying things and speaking. She wants to please you and giving her the language and permission to use it will be another step in her compliance. She is yours to mold, have her communicate exactly as you wish and in ways that give you more satisfaction.

    Alone time/play time/scene time is special. We think , dress, and act in ways that are not the same as our vanilla life. Language and communication is rightfully a part of those differences.

  5. Fantastic post, I love how you were able to communicate that even gentlemen can talk dirty, when it is appropriate. I am thinking of sharing this post with my lovely Eve, but don’t want to share to many of my secrets, maybe LK would like to address it on her site.
    Have fun, always!

    1. Jason,

      “…even gentlemen can talk dirty, when it is appropriate.”

      Your comment was worth repeating…

      I just looked across the desk and communicated your request to my LK.

      I hope that everything is going well for you and your Eve.

      Please send her my best…

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  6. Mr. Fox,

    As always….a great post and one that I struggled with in the transition form vanilla to d/s. My Sweetness enjoys the verbal communication and is not a fan of silence! It is not something that was easy but with time and practice, has become normal for us!

    Thank you for another great post and I look forward to all your future posts!

    Take Care!

    Mr. B

    1. Mr B,

      It is a common struggle during the transition from vanilla to D/s… It is a shame though because no matter the lifestyle, even vanilla sex, communication is such an intricate part of bonding sexually.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  7. Wonderful post Mr. Fox.

    Talking dirty was one of my obstacles. It took a while and some important communication between Darling and myself for me to be able to say the things that I wanted to. Now the gloves have come off. I love telling Darling that she is Daddys little whore…and she loves it as well. It drives home the fact that she is Mine. All of her. Her body, especially during sex….to do what I please and to love the freedom that comes to both of us in that freedom.

    Good day,

    My Darlings Sir

    1. My Darlings Sir,

      Great response actually… You really outlined how overcoming this obstacle created a better sexual atmosphere for both you and your darling…

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  8. Dear Mr. Fox: The members may find “Talk sexy to the one you love” by Barbara Keesling to be of interest too. It is by a sex therapist and actually written for women, but has transferrable exercises and a chapter for men. SW

  9. Thank you so much Mr.Fox for this post. While I do not struggle with my “dirty” talk , fhere was so much more to this post than that. I didn’t realize the effects of silence and the importance of the compliment. This has been most beneficial to me in that regard. I didn’t even notice that I was deficient in that aspect of myself.

    1. SireG,

      You are quite right in your observation that there is so much more to our interactions than just the words that we are saying to each other. I appreciate that you emphasized a few of the other aspects that can sometimes be overlooked.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  10. This article is from forever ago but I was interested in your thoughts on electronic communication like text. I text my sub often with orders or praise and I definitely use bedroom only language. We have enjoyed it so far but are there pitfalls to watch out for?

    Special note: This did lead to an interesting FaceTime between my daughter and my wife when I accidentally sent a salacious text to our group accidentally. They both saw it at the same time while FaceTiming.

    1. MasterDaddy,

      I do utilize texting quite often. I must also add that lk also texts me as well. The focal point of my texts is usually to demonstrate that I am thinking of my lk. And usually that I am thinking of her sexually. The same holds true for her.

      We send very sexy pictures to one another indicating what is on our minds at the time.

      I would say that the major thing to be careful of is texting the wrong person. You have already experienced that…

      There is a member here, and a good friend, that had his submissive text a picture of her womanhood to him. Only it went to the junior instead of the senior. There is a moment in time that I hope that I never have to experience firsthand.

      I have also used FaceTime to communicate with my lk. We have even utilized it during a very nice scene.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  11. Such and accurate representation of the roles of a Dom in public as opposed to in the privacy of a scene. Well written and quite informative. I love the emphasis on the importance of respect.

    1. Mr Walker,

      Thank you for the kind words.

      You have identified one of the fundamentals that we should all keep in mind as we continue along our personal journeys and that is respect. Everything is taken in context to the particular situation at hand. What may be or have been completely appropriate in one situation may not be in another.

      Best wishes

      Mr Fox

  12. Thank you for this. I have struggled to find information for married couples who wish to explore this type of relationship, but keep it within the bounds of marriage. While I am just beginning to review this site, articles such as this make me hopeful I have finally found something that is appropriate for us and our beliefs. This article hits on something that was very difficult for me. The first time she asked me to f— her, I thought, “I don’t use language like that .” This article has given me great food for thought and is helping me with when something is appropriate for us and when it is not. Thank you.

    1. ShieldStorm,

      I am truly flattered that you have found a place that resonates with your values. You will find many others here that share your same principles.

      Many of my blog posts are written because I too needed to sort these things out in my own mind. lk is not one to cuss and never has been. In our current dynamic she wouldnt be aloud to. However, there is a time and a place for most everything.

      I have discovered that with we say and how we say it can be very influential during a scene. I guess that same statement would hold true in most other areas of our lives as well.

      Thank you for your comment sir…

      Welcome to husDOM™

      Mr Fox

  13. Thanks for this reminder. I am guilty of getting quite when the scene is getting really intense and my minx gets distracted and pulled out of the scene.

    1. OTW,

      Thank you for commenting on this post…

      What you are guilty of so am I. It is like I begin concentrating on exactly what I want. Almost like the orchestrator of an ensemble that has become laser focused.

      Your comment is a nice reminder to all of us, including myself to be totally present in the moment especially during the intense parts of our play. Our submissives need our attention and direction throughout the entire scene.

      Best wishes

      Mr Fox

    1. It is truly my pleasure sir. Let me know if any of these suggestions help you and please come back and comment if you discover something in addition to that you find success with.

      Best wishes

      Mr Fox

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