A Dominant’s Guide to Talking Dirty
Regardless of the type of relationship that you may be in, talking dirty to your lover during sex will pay huge dividends to both you and your partner if done correctly. In a D/s relationship talking dirty to your submissive is a must. I can not speak with any accuracy regarding the history of the noises, sounds, and dirty talk that have accompanied sex from the beginning of time but I can share my hypothesis regarding some of the factors toward our prudish approach in the twenty first century.
It was not too long ago when using any profanity, especially in public or in front of a lady, would have been inconceivable and completely preposterous. In fact, as a gentleman, I believe in this standard today as well, you will most likely never overhear me swear in the presence of a lady, in fact, you may never hear me swear at all.
Women have been brought up with the belief that profane language is vulgar and unladylike and therefore should not be used by them or by others in their presence at anytime and under any circumstances. It was made known that if they were to use such language they would portray themselves as being a tramp or a trollop. Again, I agree with this philosophy;
“I have a rule in place for my Little Kaninchen that states that she is forbidden to use profanity except during a scene or during play.”
Since both men and woman are commonly raised with the regard that profanity should not be used in the presence of others, and in particular not in front of a member of the opposite sex, it is easy to see why doing so with the one that we care about most may prove to be so difficult.
As men we do not want something that we said and meant as complimentary or erotic in nature to be interpreted as disrespectful or demeaning. Therefore, without knowing what our boundaries are we tend to not put ourselves at risk with the person that we care the most about; we play it safe and remain silent.
Men are often unsure of exactly what to say when talking dirty and become apprehensive that they may say something that will offer the appearance of being ridiculous. Most men would rather not reap the benefit of talking dirty during sex if there is even the slightest chance of looking silly or vulnerable in front of their lovers.
Women are in an even more difficult situation than the men. Women are concerned that if they were to say something risqué that they may cheapen themselves in the eyes of the person that they care about the most. Like the men, women tend to safeguard themselves from the situation by avoiding it altogether.
Both men and woman are confronted with a similar predicament when faced with initiating dirty talk during sex; will my partner be receptive to my words of passion or will they be insulted and hurt by my words and phrases?
Our five major senses play a significant role in our arousal and sexual satisfaction. I do not believe that this notion is surprising to anyone but let us examine it a little closer. Specifically, let us consider the sense of hearing.
Imagine, if you will, your submissive as you begin playing with her during a scene. Picture her chest rising and falling as she begins to breath deeper, the sound of her breath. Imagine all of the little noises that she begins to make without even realizing that she is making them. You may hear the quick sudden breath that she draws when you unexpectedly cane the bottom of her foot. “Crack”, the sound of the cane coming in contact with the sole of her foot echoes throughout the room. There is a sound of an abrupt rush of air that flows into her lungs as she is caught off guard by the unexpected surge of pain inflicted upon her, accompanied by a slight moan. As she absorbs what has just happened to her she exhales slowly and self-controlled as her moan now transitions to a groan and her breathing becomes rhythmic once again as she psychologically digest the pain and transforms the pain into pleasure.
As a Dominant, I can hear my Little Kaninchen making those erotic sounds as I write. Every sound she makes, every word she speaks, the sound of impact on her skin, the clanking sound of the metal D-Rings on her cuffs as she struggles to move, every one of these sounds plays an important part of my arousal as we play. It is not just me though; these sounds also arouse my LK.
Now think of the little things that she says to you during sex;
Oh God, don’t stop! Please don’t stop!
You are so big.
These little statements drive you wild during sex so don’t you think that she would love to hear something from you during sex as well?
It is not as difficult as you may think…
Let us first consider the atmosphere or one’s mindset.
The exact same words will have significantly different meanings when used under different circumstances.
It is imperative to realize that you should always conduct yourself as a gentleman outside of the bedroom in order to ensure that your submissive knows that you love and respect her. If you use profanity or dirty talk with your submissive outside of the bedroom or sexual atmosphere it will be demeaning to her as a lady.
In our day to day life we would most likely refer to our genitals with words such as vagina or penis. During a sexual encounter, however, if you were to begin discussing how you would like to insert your penis into your submissive’s vagina you may very well be laughed at, and rightfully so…
There is a proper place and time for everything in life and you will need to have a working knowledge of this.
“Tell me that you are my whore!”
This statement means something different to us at this stage of our D/s-M journey but let’s examine it a bit closer.
- If you were to reference my LK as a whore, WE have a problem.
- If I were to reference my LK as a whore during a conversation or a discrepancy, I would have a problem.
- If I were to make that statement during a hot scene, the hot scene will become a torrid inferno!
Remember, there is a proper place and time for every title.
Many men have a difficult time allowing themselves to be vulnerable and talk dirty during sex. They could never imagine saying such comments to their submissive. And with this apprehension comes fear… Fear is an indication that you are not in control. Everyone can detect fear in someone else’s voice and fear will extinguish any amount of Dominance that you may have possessed.
If you are one of those husDOMs that have difficulty imagining yourself talking dirty to your submissive you should practice. The next time that you are alone at home, in your hotel room or driving your car, begin to speak aloud. Concentrate on your voice and the tone of your voice. Talk about anything that you desire until you are satisfied that you are speaking with confidence. Then practice speaking aloud the next day and so on, until you are no longer making adjustments to your voice or it’s tone. You want to find a natural lower pitched tone to your voice and speak clearly with a calm demeanor. When it comes to the volume of your voice you simply want to speak normally. A whisper will always have it’s place in any sexual relationship but while talking dirty during sex or giving commands to your submissive a whisper would be a little creepy. A whisper may be more appropriate if you are in a public or vanilla setting. Be careful that your whisper does not get over heard by others.
Next begin practicing with simple commands and occasional dirty words and phrases. Soon you become familiar with hearing yourself speaking these things out loud.
Now that we have established your confidence when talking dirty out loud let us consider what you should say.
If something doesn’t feel right to you then do not say it. Start small and find things that you are appropriate and that you are comfortable saying. As you grow as a Dominant so will your confidence and your vocabulary.
Audible and Verbal Expression…
As husDOMs we appreciate and adore our submissives but for some reason when they please us we often internalize our pleasure and while we may express ourselves audibly we do not express ourselves verbally. There is a big difference between audible expression and verbal expression. An audible expression is merely a noise, something that is capable of being heard. An example of an audible expression would be a moan or a groan. While this type of expression is definitely important during sexual activity it needs to be accompanied by verbal expression as well. Verbal expression is expression pertaining to spoken words. You must verbalize, using words, your thoughts, physical sensations and emotions to your submissive.
Silence is a Killer…
During sexual activity Dominants are often looking down at our submissives engrossed with how beautiful they look in the various positions that we have placed them in. We become so involved in what we are doing that we often forget to verbally communicate with them.
During this time of silence your submissives may begin to allow her mind to wander. You are so focused and absorbed in the scene that you would only assume that she would have to be as well. At some point thoughts may begin to drift.
How do I look?
Am I pleasing him?
Am I doing this right?
What is he thinking about?
What does my stomach look like?
D/s-M Five Senses…
Utilizing your five senses may be the best and easiest way to begin talking dirty to your submissive. Taking the first step is always the most challenging and daunting part of beginning something new and this technique will have you talking like a Dominant in no time.
We seldom consider them but we are all familiar with our five senses.
The D/s-M Five senses concept is relatively simple. Describe what is happening or what you are feeling at the moment and relate it to one of your five senses.
Sight – You look amazing.
Hearing – I love to make you scream.
Smell – You smell so good.
Taste – I love the way you taste.
Touch – You are dripping wet.
Offer a Compliment…
Compliments do not have to be dirty or even contain dirty words or phrases. Compliments will also come naturally and be delivered with sincerity. Likewise, offering compliments will allow yourself to hear your own voice and help you to develop the confidence that you need to begin talking dirty.
You look beautiful kneeling before me.
Your ass turns the loveliest shade of pink.
You make me proud.
Talking Dirty Without Dirty Words…
If you are not familiar with taking dirty and find it difficult in the beginning you can introduce naughty phrases that do not include any dirty words.
I am so proud of you.
You are so wet and I haven’t even begun.
You taste so good on my finger.
Such a naughty girl.
When I decide I am finished with your mouth I will let you cum.
Describe What is Coming Next…
Unlike vanilla love making a good Dominant is going to have afforded a great deal of consideration toward his scene. At a minimum, the Dominant will have a clear picture of where he is going to begin the scene and what the scene is going to consist of. Of course scenes are dynamic and can and will take several unexpected turns throughout the endeavor but the Dominant will continually be thinking several steps ahead.
This forward thinking during play will make it easy for you to know what is coming up next. You can tell your submissive exactly what to expect or you can tease your submissive and give her hints or even ask her to guess. Either way you will be talking to her and keeping her engaged the entire scene.
I am going roll you over and take your from behind.
I am going to bend you over the arm of the chair and redden your ass with the flogger.
Do you know what I have in my hand?
What do you think this is? (Laying the crop across her back)
What do you think I am going to do with this? (Showing her the crop)
Direct Her with Commands…
As the Dominant it is up to you to direct your submissive’s actions during sex or a scene. You may be focused on your submissive’s legs or thighs during a particular portion of your scene but it is up to you to instruct her on what your expectations are for the rest of her body as w ell. If you do not give your submissive specific instructions her mind will begin to diverge and she will become distracted with concerns of what she should be doing with her hands in order to please you, for example.
Hold on to the top of the headboard and do not let go until I say so.
Place your hands behind your head and interlock your fingers.
Place your hands on your ass and pull yourself open for me.
Submissives are aroused by being given direction and being controlled during sex. A measure of this control can come in the form of commands.
Turn around, slowly.
Open your mouth.
Look at me when you cum.
Push your ass in the air while I fuck it.
The Dominant’s Guide to Talking Dirty has equipped you with the information required for you to learn how to turn up the heat in your bedroom or dungeon by providing you important details that you need to know in order to be successful
Remember to always be a gentleman and to treat your submissive with the utmost respect. Keep your talking dirty limited to the bedroom or sexual atmosphere in order to ensure that you do not cheapen or demean your submissive.
A Dominant’s Guide to Talking Dirty
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