Initially my wife and I began a blog together to document our individual points of view throughout our journey. The original idea was not for consumption by others but rather to archive our own journey, a living journal. The theory was to be completely open and honest about everything that we were experiencing along the way. After my second entry on her website I soon realized that I couldn’t continue. If some of my inner most thoughts were revealed, it may diminish my dominance over her. There were some things that I needed to figure out on my own.
As a long-time married, loving husband becoming a Dominant has proven to have its challenges.
Some of my feelings, if I were to be completely honest, were of insecurities and doubt. These feelings weren’t necessarily about my ability as a leader. In fact, I have a strong dominant personality both in my personal life and in my profession. When at work, I am what you would consider the “leader”.
When talking about it, the lifestyle seemed simple. The reality however, of making it happen in everyday real life became much more challenging. This is the woman who I have cherished and placed on a pedestal for so many years.
How can I now dominate her?
How does this fit into our everyday life?
Where does it begin and where does it end?
Am I pushing her?
Does she even want to be pushed?
When beginning a journey without a solid foundation, every single step becomes a difficult decision.
Initially, my wife was submissive only in the bedroom. In no time we both wanted more. After much soul-searching we decided to introduce the lifestyle outside of the bedroom and into our everyday lives.
This made things even more challenging. We had young children in the house and we were “in the closet” when it came to friends or family as well. Taking our D/s relationship outside of our bedroom and more into our everyday life proved difficult but also proved the most rewarding.
I have read a lot and learned a lot about the lifestyle already. There are a lot of great books out there to read. The three books listed below were the first books that I read about the lifestyle.
1) SM101: A realistic Introduction – Wiseman, Jay
2) The Control Book – Masters, Peter
3) The New Topping Book – Easton, Dossie; Hardy, Janet w.
Though I am certainly no expert in this matter I quickly realized that there is no meaningful reference to married couples in any of these books. The books were pretty much BDSM how-to manuals. To date, I have yet to find a married with children BDSM book of any kind other than fictional erotica.
Much of what we do now, how and why we do it, came from our own personal experiences. I have read other blogs where couples have struggled and some blogs where couples weren’t successful and unfortunately, a few where the couples broke up all together. I believe that what I have learned from my personal experience can benefit others during their transition from husband to Dom, “husDOM”.
Furthermore, I am not alone in my endeavor. There are many Dominants like myself and many husbands becoming Dominants everyday.
husDOM.com has become an online community of thousands of men just like you and I. That are collectively sharing their experiences with one another in an effort to learn from each other and to become better men, better fathers, better husbands, husDOMs…
Join us in our journeys.