Communicate Your Dominant Desire
An often overlooked aspect of a D/s-M relationship is the ability for the Dominant to command his desire to his submissive without apprehension or apology. This scenario may not actually be overlooked, it may be outright avoided as it is difficult for most new Dominants to perform this simple deed. The submissive genuinely desires to please her Dominant and requires his specific direction in doing so. Oftentimes the submissive is pleasing her Dominant and doing everything precisely as he desires and he feels no need to ask anything of her. During these circumstances the Dominant’s silence will distract the submissive. Throughout the scene she will become bemused with thoughts of how she could bring him more satisfaction or if she is pleasing him at all. Without proper guidance from her Dominant the submissive will not have the ability to know whether she is fully satisfying her Dominant’s desires.
Simple Dominant Commands
The Dominant needs to command certain actions that he desires of his submissive.
“Roll over on your stomach.”
“Put your hands behind your back.”
“Spread you legs.”
“Arch your back and push your ass in the air.”
Any one of these commands would work or all four of these commands given together would work even better.
Silence During Sex is Deafening.
Discussing this topic may seem elementary, however, accomplishing this simple task during play often proves more difficult for most. Many vanilla men are much too silent during sex. Phrases stating that it feels good and a couple of noises or grunts inferring satisfaction from the Dominant is not going to be sufficient in a successful D/s relationship.
Explicit not Implicit
A submissive seeks explicit direction from her Dominant, the more explicit and direct the input the better. The submissive’s mind will be clear of any distraction and she will find herself focusing on nothing except pleasing her Dominant and obeying his every command. She will concentrate on her task at hand and will be afforded the confidence that when the time arrives when she should be moving onto the next task, her Dominant will command it of her without her needing to realize it on her own.
Men in general have difficulty verbalizing their desires during play. Most new Dominants lack the self confidence to give their submissive orders and command them to act out the Dominant’s desires. This insecurity is very real. When the Dominant gives a command to his submissive and in doing so can hear the fear in his own voice it destroys his self confidence.
Many men have spent years cherishing their wife or significant other and placing them high upon a pedestal elevating them to a princess like status. We have been programmed over the years, by society, of what equality is supposed to look like. Equality during sexual interactions in a D/s relationship simply does not exist. This woman has become your tool to do with as you please for your own pleasure. She is now your submissive, not your wife, and she derives pleasure from pleasing you and obeying your commands.
I have spoken of our D/s circle many times in previous posts. This circle is composed of the submissive obtaining her pleasure by pleasuring her Dominant and the Dominant deriving his pleasure by pleasuring his submissive. This happens when both partners are truly selfless in the other partners pleasure.
Where to Begin
Like everything else, when learning something new start at the beginning and start small. Review the entire scenario in your mind before the actual scene. Don’t become labored trying to visualize every single second of the scene and account for every word and command spoken. Instead, think of the upcoming scene in a more macro, big picture, mindset.
If you find it difficult or awkward speaking to your submissive with authority, practice. When you are alone actually say aloud, a few simple commands that you can use during play. If you are still at a loss, read the four commands from above. Read them aloud so that you can hear yourself making these commands for yourself. The more often you hear these types of commands coming from you and in your own voice, the more comfortable and natural this will become during play. A convenient private time and place for Dominants to practice giving and hearing themselves command their desires is in the car while driving to and from work. When you are not confident in yourself you will naturally speak in a lower, weaker, voice. While you are practicing speaking out loud be sure to focus on how your voice actually sounds, speak with confidence.
Dominant Tone of Voice
The tone of your voice is important as well. You should use a professional businesslike tone and be sure to avoid any pretentious, condescending or degrading tone toward your submissive. You are in control because she has chosen to submit to you and accept your commands not because she is any less than you so do not treat her a such.
Clear and Concise
When making commands be sure that they are clear and concise. Avoid regular conversation scenarios that include full descriptive sentences including a lot of adjectives, simply exclaim what you want her to do.
Do Not Ask Your Submissive
Avoid making commands in the form of questions. Do not “ask” your submissive to do what it is that you desire of her, make a clear and concise statement.
Follow through… State your command clearly one time and expect compliance. You should always have your submissive’s undivided attention and not have to repeat yourself. If your submissive does not comply with your command immediately, a swift smack on the ass may be in order.
Remember, there is never going to be a one size fits all scenario so use your best judgment. Your submissive may be in such a state that she wants to comply with your command but may be physically unable. Towards the end of a scene LK is usually in such a state that she literally may not have control and functionality of her own body. If lk is noncompliant in a scenario such as this, I may just move on, or I may choose to physically move her into my desired position. Sometimes I may decide to back off the stimulation until she can once again comply with my commands on her own.
Begin with her hands… Many new submissives are unsure of what to do with their hands when their Dominants do not either physically restrain them or give them specific direction on what to do with them. This uncertainty will become a distraction for your submissive if you do not provide proper guidance.
“Put your hands above your head and do not lower them until I instruct you to.”
Do not underestimate the importance of being commanding during a scene, use
She has given you control… Take it!
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