Downtime | Weekly wisDOM | Married D/s





Utilizing downtime will afford a husDOM many benefits in building and maintaining his relationship with his submissive.  Downtime has proven to be one of the most effective resources for a husDOM.

  • Downtime enhances communication by allowing your submissive to speak openly and honestly without fear of retribution.  The submissive will speak respectfully to her Dominant and in an appropriate tone.  The Dominant should listen carefully to her as she speaks and not interrupt or try and defend his position or actions.  This is an excellent opportunity to grow as a Dominant, ask follow up questions and be sure that you fully and properly understand her input, it is invaluable.
  • Downtime is a powerful reconnaissance tool that a Dominant can utilize after a scene or play to determine the submissive’s perspective regarding the activity.
  • Downtime sets the submissive tone by the Dominant and the submissive’s physical posture.  The Dominant should be in a sitting position with the submissive kneeling with her head in his lap.  This position has the submissive in a vulnerable and submissive state creating a proper mindset.
  • Downtime sets the Dominant tone by the Dominant and the submissive’s physical posture.  The Dominant should be in a sitting position with the submissive kneeling with her head in his lap.  This position has the Dominant in an authoritative position while he has his submissive kneeling before him on her knees.  The Dominant can also run his fingers through the submssive’s hair and control the position of her head producing an extremely Dominant mindset.
  • Downtime creates a Dominance and submission atmosphere Downtime when utilized as a regular ritual will aid in demonstrating the power exchange dynamic.
  • Downtime keeps both the Dominant and the submissive engaged within the D/s lifestyle.    The repetitive nature of a D/s-M ritual will testify to both parties commitment to the lifestyle.




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  1. Mr. Fox,
    Thank you again! Another fine post!
    My sweetness and I will begin to practice more downtime on a regular schedule. Currently, we will use it after playtime or a scene (although there has only been a few scenes). It is definitely a valuable tool that we need to use!
    This could be the thing I need to keep this journey to the forefront!
    Thank you and take care!
    Mr. B

  2. Mr. Fox,
    Is this something that you do on a regular basis or is it done as needed?
    I am thinking that it is a regular basis to avoid possible issues down the journey. Just curious. Thanks again!
    Take Care!
    Mr. B

    1. Mr B,

      This “Weekly wisDOM” is going to be a new category that will be available to different levels of membership. The Dominant Training post on downtime is of more detail. This post was meant to be more of a quick reference guide to downtime without reading the entire post.

      I did define the benefits quite well and didnt mention when I utilize downtime at all…

      I personally utilize downtime every night that I home home usually toward the end of the evening as a review of the current day and to be sure that we are on the same page. Sometimes the day after a scene I may use downtime in the morning or early afternoon to debrief the prior nights events. I want to discuss the scene while it is still fresh in LK’s and my minds.

      When I am travelling it is much more difficult to accomplish downtime on a regular basis. We use Facetime to communicate and LK will kneel in front of my chair.

      Thanks again for another excellent question Mr. B.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

  3. Downtime is indeed an invaluable part of a long-term D/s relationship especially if you’re living the lifestyle 24/7.

    I normally plan for 15 mins or so before I leave for work and when I get home from work. On days that I’m off work it’s determined mostly by B’s need for any given day, within reason, which will be different for every couple.

    Mr. B you also asked what possible issues you may encounter. Once again, every couple is different but I will give you an issue that I had to moderate pretty thoroughly.

    My B has a lot of what she calls “static” when she isn’t properly focused. This was one of the reasons that B came to talk to me about bringing our bedroom D/s relationship and wanted to take the next step into 24-7 D/s.

    In our relationship I now provide a lot of structure into B’s daily life and she loves it. She craves it and it gives her the ability to feel peaceful and calm while going through the everyday “vanilla” life.

    The challenge with downtime is that when B gets unfocused by talking about mundane things she can start doing what we lovingly call “chattering”. When this starts, she would be the first to tell you, this is when little anxieties have started to creep in to her head. Her description of it is “I feel like I’m talking because it’s expected of me not because I’m really talking about anything important”

    Now, we talk and chit-chat throughout everyday and we are best friends that have been friends since we were kids.


    I don’t feel like downtime is for chit chat. Downtime is for B to talk with me about things that pertain to us and our relationship. Chit chat is for when we’re cooking dinner together or listening to music to relax.

    Honestly there is a much bigger reward for downtime than the small problems you may have to moderate.

    That’s my take on it.

    Best wishes,


    1. Master Grey,

      You do bring up an excellent point regarding chit-chat…

      I agree completely that our downtime is not a place for discussing things such as our children or the grocery list or other mundane vanilla issues. Downtime is strictly a time for our D/s. Downtime is also utilized for atmosphere and mindest not just communication.

      There are many times during downtime that not a word is spoken.

      Kindest regards,

      Mr. Fox

  4. Mr. Fox,

    Isn’t it a wonderful thing when you know each other so well that sometimes no words are needed?


    1. Buck.

      It is a wonderful thing…

      Sometimes our downtime is simply to set and to maintain the Dominance and submission atmosphere. Even with no words being used it can be a powerful tool to communicate my Dominance as well as her submission.

      Kindest regards,

      Mr. Fox