sub-Space, submissive Trust & Power Exchange

 

In D/s-M, Domination and submission for married couples, there is a power exchange that takes place. The submissive gives her power to the dominant and he in turn accepts it and takes control. The submissive relinquishes her power in order to clear her mind from responsibility. This is why it is monumentally important the the submissive completely trust her dominant.. Without genuine trust she can never positively surrender total control. I also believe that this level of required trust gives the married D/s couple an advantage, LK immediately trusted me unconditionally. sub-Space, submissive Trust & Power Exchange

I believe that this is where a certain dynamic takes place for the submissive. As I said earlier, the submissive relinquishes her control to the dominant in order to clear her mind. This is similar to a meditative state of mind. If the absolute trust is present the submissive will let down all of her barriers and allow herself to become totally vulnerable. At this point her mind begins to relax and slow. As the scene continues to build her mind will begin to slip into sub-space. Yes, I realize that actual sub-space or deep sub-space is a condition lead to by a release of endorphins created by intense experiences of both pleasure and pain, however, I feel that if the submissive is unsure or doesn’t posses 100% trust in her dominant then entering sub-space is probably not going to happen very easily. As a vigilant dominant I see LK slip into her sub-space almost as a trance, the meditative state that I mentioned earlier. And then as the scene builds and the endorphins begin to be released she enters a deeper type of sub-space. Once in sub-space, I like to think of it as her mind is lagging behind her body’s sensations. As she slips deeper and deeper into her sub-space her mind continues to fall further and further behind her body’s sensations. When LK is in a deep sub-space it literally is as though she no longer feels any pain, only pleasure.

Often, after being in sub-space, Little Kaninchen can not immediately remember much of anything. Depending on the level or depth of her sub-space she may not fully remember many events that took place until a day or maybe days afterward.

When the scene is over she is what I like to call “broken” or at least this is always my goal. She literally can not function physically or physiologically. She doesn’t have immediate control over her body and can not answer the most basic of questions. Rolling her up in a blanket and a drink then she is off to sleep. When she wakes appropriate aftercare and communication can happen and it does with a big smile on her face.

husDom

 

sub-Space, submissive Trust & Power Exchange

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16 Comments
  1. Kinbaku Gardener 6 years ago

    A concise and clear explanation of subspace. I hope you either have or will go into the same detail about aftercare.

  2. HusDom 6 years ago

    Kinbaku,

    Great comment… Actually, this post began as just that. It was supposed to be a post regarding aftercare. I decided to break it into two separate posts for two reasons.

    First, I thought that the post would become too long to keep the readers interest.

    Secondly, aftercare is probably the single most important element of D/s and incredibly sometimes overlooked. I didn’t want that concept to be lost in this post…

    An aftercare post is coming next!

    husDom

  3. Master's Slave 6 years ago

    There are lapses but what i do remember the most is how he made me feel

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Master’s Slave

      I would have to confirm with LK but I believe that it is the feeling that she receives during aftercare, after being broken, that she craves the most.

      husDom

  4. SouthernSir 6 years ago

    A great post. I have to agree aftercare is important something that shouldn’t be overlooked especially to lesson any sub-drop that may occur.

  5. astinarose 6 years ago

    This sounds like an amazing experience… spiritual in a sense. It spoke to me in some ways. Do you think some people are just born with a tendency to be a sub or a dom, and to have access to this “subspace” – or “Dom-essence” ? Is it like when someone says they were born to be homosexual type of thing? Or do you think it’s a conscious thing that one just decides? I just stumbled on your blog and found it to be fascinating. Thank you.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Atsina Rose,

      Thanks for stopping by and thank you for such a great question.

      “My belief” is that it is much like your analogy of one being straight or a homosexual, right handed or left handed, dominant or submissive, most of us naturally have tendencies toward one of each of the categories mentioned. It’s not really a choice. However, as in each of the categories we could choose to do the other, not so natural tendency. For example, you could be right handed yet you could swing a bat left handed.

      Yes, I do believe that many people are born naturally dominant or submissive. I also believe that in today’s politically correct society we are conditioned to see all others as equals. Call it predisposition or instinct but I have come to believe that most men have dominant traits and most woman have submissive traits. Most men want to provide and no matter how strong they are most woman want to be taken care of in some manner.

      My LK is the strongest most independent woman that I know. She is second to no one. I respect her more than anyone else on earth and earnestly value her opinion. She is fully capable of providing everything for our family and could get along just fine without me. However, she enjoys letting her guard down and allowing me to lead our family. She is submissive only toward me. I, on the other hand, enjoy the empowerment she gives me by trusting me to make sound decisions for us and our family.

      Sub-Space can be obtained by anyone, D/s or not.

      husDom

      • astinarose 6 years ago

        Thank you very much for your comprehensive reply. I have seen lots of information with regard to the sexual aspects of this topic, but not so much on the psychological ones, so I do appreciate your wonderful explanation. Did your LK always know this was her makeup? I think for me there were so many clear signs even from my earliest days as a young girl. I always wanted to find my ‘hero’ who adored me and I could worship in every way – and one who would protect me, love me fully etc. Fairytale stuff I guess you can say. Your point about societal emphasis on equality between the sexes is excellent. Seems there is something lost in today’s standard relationship… as men and women are not the same biologically/ chemically – therefore not equal per se. They are just different and that is the beauty in polarity between the sexes. It is terrific that you and your wife have discovered this and are enjoying a whole new dimension of your love relationship. I am also married for many years to a wonderful, caring, brilliant man, and we are exploring this together slowly. Many epiphanies thus far. I think for the man who takes on the Dominant role this way has to a very highly evolved psyche for this to be ok. It’s a huge level of responsibility, and there seems not to be a lot of room for fear, or insecurity. Also seems to me that in casual/ dating type relationships re: those who are single – it can be detrimental (emotional and physical). I wonder, how does this all impact day to day things in the marriage. Has the dynamic changed outside the bedroom for you two? In any case – I am very happy to have found your blog pages and will continue to check in here. Again – thank you and best to you and your LK.
        Astina

        • HusDom 6 years ago

          Astina,

          Your summary of the equality or lack of equality in the sexes was much better than my own. Equality probably isn’t the best choice of words. Men and woman are different. One is not greater than the other, however, they are different.

          I am pleased that you and yours are exploring the lifestyle together. LK and myself have taken our journey slow as well. My LK was instrumental in helping guide me in the beginning. Her submission empowers me.

          Yes, the dynamic has changed outside the bedroom for us as well.

          My LK has her own blog, http://www.submrs.com, you should go and visit her too…

          I really do enjoy your comments thanks again for stopping by.

          Mr Fox

      • astinarose 6 years ago

        Thank you so much. It is good to know that there was orientation to becoming a husdom by your submrs. I wondered if it was contradictory to try to provide guidance to my husband, as I worried if offering to much guidance might disallow his dominant nature to surface. At the start though – I think it must be necessary. So many patterns that need to be reprogrammed. I will definitely plan to explore your LK’s blog – will give me a view from the female perspective which is great . And do appreciate your generous offer to communicate with us privately too. There are so few sources of good information out there and I feel your blog is outstanding in many regards. We may be in touch. It is early days for us, but so far, this is agreeing with both of us a ton. This may indeed be the future 🙂 Best Wishes.
        Astina

  6. Kenzie 6 years ago

    A great post.. I think aftercare is very important and usually a necessity in these kind of things. As is, like you mentioned, full trust.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Kenzie,

      Thank you…

      Aftercare is to follow. Since you enjoy caning your D must have some good tips for aftercare…

      husDom

  7. johnt 6 years ago

    Just curious about how long it took for you and your wife to get to the point that she could enter sub space to that extent? I’m guessing that this didn’t happen in your first scene, or did it? We’ve had a few really good scenes, but nothing beyond the standard fatigue after. Reading your description about her being disoriented and not being able to speak right away made me wonder if there was something I was not doing. Thanks!

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      John T,

      To answer your question regarding LK going into sub-space during our first scene, no, she did not. For us, however, it did happen relatively early on in our journey. I have received several emails from Dominants like yourself asking the same basic question regarding their submissives not getting into a deep sub-space. I am certainly not an authority in sub-space but here are a few things that I consider when regarding the subject.

      Remove the unnecessary and undue stress on yourself and your submissive, Relax! Sub-space, in the beginning, will be largely a state of mind or hormonal situation rather than a completely endorphin driven one. What I mean by this is that anyone can be driven into sub-space by pain alone. That is not what you are trying to do. As a Dominant we need to create an environment in which our submissive can relax and really let her guard down, allow her mind to begin to drift. Couple this safe, protected and taken care of feeling with a few crazy endorphin’s and we have lift off.

      Recently, during a scene, I had done everything just right (clearly my perception only) and LK still didnt enter a deep sub-space. Reflecting back on this I believe that I hadnt properly cleared LK’s mind. We usually have a ritual or two that we go through that sets up our scene. Maybe I needed to be more focused on her and demonstrate that focus in a manner which comforts her. I needed to be more mindful of her. Not just during the actual scene but before as well, days before. If I begin our scene at 8:30 I cant get her into sub-space by 9:00 or 9:30, I needed to begin a few days prior.

      Mr. Fox

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