When should a Dominant ‘not’ apologize? | Weekly wisDOM

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‘A Dominant’s Apology’

Our bedroom is slightly warmer than we usually have it when we sleep and there is music playing softly in the background encouraging the atmosphere. It has been too long since I have used rope as one of the mainstays in one of our D/s scenes.

I have my lk sitting on the edge of the bed as I begin to devise a chest harness using my rope. LK’s wrist cuffs are placed on her upper arms just above her elbows with the metal rings facing inward. The first horizontal wrap of the rope around her chest is threaded through the metal rings of the cuffs and just below her breasts. As I lay the rope below her breasts the expression on her face reveals her apprehensive mindset regarding chest bondage since her surgery late last year. To ease her mind I ask her if the rope is binding or causing her any pain. “no Sir”




I continue to bind lk with rope resuming the chest harness. As the rope continues it’s horizontal wraps around LK’s chest it now wraps around the outside of her arms just above her elbows restricting the movement of her upper arms as they are firmly pressed against her torso. These new wraps run above and below her breasts as well. The sight sitting before me is incredible without doubt.

As I run the rope over her shoulders and under the horizontal rope that runs beneath her breasts I lift up on the rope with a gentle tug securing the rope tight beneath breasts. Without saying a word I run my fingers across the tender area of her stomach demonstrating that I am aware of her concern regarding her injury and that I am going to extra vigilant with this area.

As I position the rope back over her shoulders and begin to draw it through from under her breasts the ends of the rope whip through and smack her skin.

“I am sorry LK”…  I murmur without thought…

Before all of the words leave my mouth I am already regretful for saying them. I have made this same mistake during the first year of our journey and had written about my experience, ‘A Dominant’s Apology’.  I found myself this morning making the same mistake and as an experienced husDOM I knew better.

LK was impervious to my words of apology as she waited patiently for me to continue with the bondage. It was obvious that lk was not hurt or injured in any manner. LK knows that I take every precaution regarding her safety and her well being and trusts me completely. There was no apology necessary for this minor infraction. I was once again apologizing for myself. The apology was making me feel better; it had nothing at all to do with my lk.

In fact, the apology was, if anything, distracting her from the moment. She probably would have to actually stop and wonder what I was ‘sorry’ for. It was my way of communicating to her that my intentioROPEBONDAGEHARNESSSSPIOPT239ns were to take better care of her but she already knows this without me saying a word..

It would have been much better to simply slow down for a minute. Rub my hand across the front of her chest where I had struck her with the ends of the rope and then continued with the chest harness. This would have demonstrated to her without speaking a single word that I was aware of what had just taken place and that it was unintended.

There are many things that a Dominant should apologize to his submissive for but this particular incident required no apology at all.

Do not allow a relatively insignificant error to disrupt our D/s scene.

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Dominant Apology

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  1. Well put! We have a what I sometimes think of as a “culture of apology,” and there are times when “I’m sorry” comes out but means nothing because it is reflexive, and not said with feeling or intent. Apologizing in this situation was likely reflexive and possibly a distraction for you as well as LK.

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