HD005 – How to establish confidence as a Dominant husband.

HD005 - How to establish confidence as a Dominant husband.

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Description

This podcast episode topic was generated from a conversation that I had while chatting with another husDOM in the Fox’s Den.  I could remember how I felt during the beginning of my Dominance and submission journey and how difficult it was to develop the true confidence.  Not the light hearted, sure I am a Dom attitude, but rather the knowing it, feeling it.  Being confident that I would do the right thing in the right moment.

In this episode I recommend three attributes to focus on to help us build and enhance our confidence in the new role of being Dominant husband.

After listening to the episode I invite you to continue the conversation by leaving a comment on the bottom of the podcast episode’s webpage.

Show Notes

Fox’s Den: https://husdom.com

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If you are passionate about our message we encourage you to leave a positive comment as well.

Speakers

  • Mr Fox 

Transcript

5-4-3-2-1-0 All engines running liftoff, we have a liftoff.

Mr Fox   00:34

Hello, everybody and welcome to the show. This is Mr. Fox and you’re listening to the has husDOM, become a dominant leader podcast. And today’s episode I’m going to talk about confidence and how to establish confidence as a dominant.  When you may not have had any confidence or your reserve is low. Last week, I was talking to a member in the husDOM community, and the discussion went on to how he had made a pretty big mistake. That mistake had shattered his confidence as dominant, it truly did rock him to his core. I know this because I have felt similar feelings a couple of times when I was just beginning my own journey. Admittedly, on his part, it was a pretty big mistake, or it sounded like it was a pretty big mistake. One not too difficult to make though. And we all probably had similar mistakes somewhere in our own journeys. I certainly know that I have. In the beginning, it doesn’t take much of a mistake to send us to the bottom and strip us of whatever confidence that we had in the moment. In the beginning, our roles aren’t well defined. And we may not even know exactly what we are supposed to do or not supposed to do and our role.  It is difficult to find our comfort level. and due to this it can be quite easy to make the smallest of a mistake that rocks or undermines a dominance comfidence. Join me today as I talk about how common this challenge is for Dominance and especially newer dominants. We are going to discuss three attributes or actions required to build self confidence as a Dominant.

Mr Fox   02:19

Let me just say how excited I am at the results and the positive feedback that we continue to receive on this podcast. In the charts last week, we ranked number 16…  16 inside top 20 I’m talking about, in Denmark. I’d also like to welcome any new members from Denmark. And I know we have at least one because I was chatting with him in the Fox’s Den, just the other day. Once again, thank you for joining our crusade of Married Dominance and submission. And thank you for joining us in the Foxes Den. It’s an honor to be part of the camaraderie among fellow husDOM’s. And it’s truly inspiring as a dominant. 

Mr Fox   03:03

When we first begin any new adventure, we begin with little to no knowledge or experience. This is true for every single one of you, including myself when it comes to Married Dominance and submission. There was a time when we were all brand new to this. Sure, we may have come into this with little bits and pieces or principles of being a Dominant, but we had never actually been one before. For those of us that were fortunate enough to bring some of the knowledge and skills to the table. Don’t fool yourself, we were not Dominants until we began to think like dominance in all aspects of our lives.  Until we actually began to walk the talk. 

Mr Fox   03:42

I know that some of you are thinking right now. Well, Mr. Fox, I have learned through time and experience that when I don’t have the experience and knowledge that I can just fake it until I make it. Well, personally, gentlemen, I don’t really subscribe to that fake it until you make it philosophy, at least not in most situations. In a relationship, it is a great way to sabotage trust. We need to develop three things in order to obtain confidence. First, we need to have knowledge.  Knowledge is power, right? Well actually knowledge is only potential power. Action is power. We need to overcome our fear and take action if we want to become successful. However, knowledge about whatever we are doing is powerful in our ability to gain some level of confidence. We need to be knowledgeable in whatever it is that we seek confidence in. Obtaining knowledge is the very first step in developing our confidence. 

Mr Fox   04:43

Second, we need to have experience.  Experience is all about taking action. That is where we can have the knowledge and make it powerful. Knowing and doing are two completely different things. We need to take action in order to gain experience. I know that this is a catch 22 here, right? You need to have the confidence in order to take the action. But this is what the knowledge does. It allows you just enough confidence in order for you to take action. What can you do to take action in regards to being a Dominant? For one you can surround yourself with others that are walking the walk, walking the walk of who and what YOU want to be as a dominant, be careful here. Being a dominant is a self proclaimed title. What makes someone a Dominant? Well, it’s because they said they were a Dominant, that’s it. So don’t just look at someone that calls themselves a Dominant and think that you should get guidance from them. Don’t just let anybody be your compass on your journey. Like I said earlier, find someone that looks like who and what you want to become.  Hang out with that person, spend time with them. If you want to be a great soccer player, then find a group of soccer players that you look up to and that you want to be like.  Surround yourself with them. Begin interacting with them. Want to be a doctor?  While studying, hang out or volunteer at the local hospital. Want to be a pilot?  While studying and training hang out at the airport, make some friends. Take that single action forward to help you gain that experience, that confidence. 

Mr Fox   06:25

If you want to be a Dominant, or a husDOM, become part of the Foxes Den, and join the other like minded individuals on a similar journey. There’s an entire group of individuals seeking the same knowledge and experience that you are.  In that same group of individuals, their dominance, dominance at all stages along their own personal journeys. I feel strongly that I’m always the student, and today often learn the most from the newer Dominants. 

Mr Fox   06:53

And finally, we need to receive positive feedback. We need to know that we are on the right track and doing the right things. Otherwise, we would be faking it until we made it.

Mr Fox   07:05

We need to open an honest positive feedback to build the confidence that we are doing the right things at the right time, and that we are on the right path. As husDOM’s, we use downtime to learn about our submissives their desires wants their needs. We also learn about how we are doing as leaders and as Dominants, not just through our own eyes, but through the eyes of those in which we lead. Ultimately, we need confirmation. We need confirmation that we’re meeting our goals as a leader and feedback is a very valuable tool. The cumulative benefit of all three of these attributes not only builds our confidence as a dominant, but it also strengthens the trust and the relationship as well. 

Mr Fox   07:55

In summary, what have we learned about developing self confidence as a dominant?  We learned that knowledge is power. We learned that we need to obtain knowledge of the subject matter at hand. If we want to be the leader of our household, our family, our lives, we need to become knowledgeable in all of those areas. Married Dominance and submission is no different. If we want to be a great leader, a great Dominant, then we need to learn everything there is to know about that. Next, we learned that we need experience in a particular field in order to feel true confidence. Knowledge helps us get started down that path of confidence. But we need actual experience to feel confident. This comes from taking some sort of action. So seek out those that already represent who and what you want to become. and immerse yourself with others that already have that experience that you seek. This will allow you to learn from other’s experiences until you develop your own. 

Mr Fox   08:59

And finally, positive feedback. We need positive confirmation that we’re doing as well as we think that we are. This feedback can be accompanied by constructive criticism as well. We use it to help center ourselves from where we believe we are and from where others see us. 

Mr Fox   09:20

I realized that I don’t know everything. I’m not the know all end all on Married Dominance and submission. So I’d love to hear what other people have to say about the conversation. Let’s keep it going. In order to do that, go to husDOM.com the top of the page, click on podcasts, and then find this podcast episode.  At the very bottom of the podcast episode page, so you’ll have to scroll all the way down past the show notes at the very bottom. You’ll see an area where you can leave comments. I’m sure I left some stuff out or even forgot some stuff. There are probably things that I haven’t even considered before. Maybe something I even got wrong. This would be a great great place to continue this discussion. Once again, I’d like to thank you for joining me today on our crusade of D|s-M or marry Dominance and submission. 

Mr Fox   10:11

Normally, this is where I would be asking you for your help. By rating the podcast and leaving positive feedback within your podcast app. The message today, I feel is so important that I’m not even going to talk about that other stuff today. Instead, I’m going to give you a challenge with this week’s podcast. You’re here listening to the husDOM podcast. So you are already seeking some sort of knowledge. Maybe you want to hone yourself as a better Dominant, a better father, a better husband, better lover, or better husDOM. So what can you do this week to enhance your knowledge in the areas of your life that you desire more? Whatever that may be. And more importantly, what are you going to do to act on that knowledge? That is the challenge this week. Let’s start that conversation. If you’re going to take me up on the challenge this week, let’s try to develop some kind of accountability, something that that’ll help you want to achieve those goals. So maybe go to your social media and hashtag husDOM with what you’re doing. What you’re going to do for this challenge, or like I’d mentioned earlier, why don’t you go to the episode, the podcast episode’s web page, and start your conversation right there on the bottom. Let me know what you’re going to do. 

Mr Fox   11:33

Alright, gentlemen, that ends this episode of husDOM. Thanks for joining me and I hope to talk to you again next week.

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Responses

  1. Mr. Fox, thank you for this podcast episode. The clarity offered by emphasizing the need for knowledge (action), experience (learning from others), and being open to feedback is very helpful, especially as I am a new Dom in a partnership with an experienced and treasure of a submissive. One additional element I would offer (coming from my own knowledge, experience, and a result of feedback) to your framework is something along the lines of “do your own inner work”. I’m a therapist (and long-time meditator) so this emphasis on inner work is a core part of my self-experience and development. In opening to, and being invited to enter, the role of being a dom, it is exhilarating to further refine my own process of becoming myself. To me, this includes knowing and working with my shadow (an ally as a dom), offering compassion and courage as I de-condition myself from socially constructed expectations and roles that stifle power and confidence, and allow all parts/sides of myself to integrate into the position of dominating and taking leadership with my treasured submissive. Just like how various streams can be freed to converge into a mighty river, my inner work seems to involve removing blocks (dams) to access, make use of, and integrate aspects of myself as a man so I can be the loving and strong dominant I know I can be. I wanted to offer this additional inner orientation to the somewhat external focus of your framework, as for me it is a vital component of my own learning and growth. Be well, and thank you again.

    1. Caspian,

      Thank you for taking the time to offer some more insight and knowledge to the topic. I agree with your addition and focusing on inner work is as vital as the external.

      Best wishes

      Mr Fox

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