sub-Space, submissive Trust & Power Exchange

submissive Aftercare

“I would love to see a post on after care.”

Adequate submissive aftercare could well be the the single most important aspect of a D/s relationship. This statement applies equally to any type of relationship, married or not.

It has been much to my surprise to learn that aftercare appears to be deficient, if not a completely overlooked procedure, in some D/s relationships. Proper aftercare is crucial for the submissive and equally as important for the dominant.

When to initiate Aftercare

Aftercare should begin right after touchdown.  The plane may have landed but the flight is not over.  The captain still has a significant responsibility getting the aircraft to the gate and deplaning the passengers.

After the scene is over your submissive is in an extremely vulnerable state.  If she has journeyed into sub-space during play she will need some time to unwind while her mind catches back up to her body.  Her endorphin driven trance-like state is euphoric and similar to being heavily sedated.  Oftentimes, my LK will become cold within minutes and almost feel as though something is wrong, panicked, vulnerable.  This is where it becomes extremely important that I administer the proper aftercare.

Basic Aftercare Techniques

Experience tells me that LK will become chilled right after play. She needs to be quickly dried of any residual wetness and placed somewhere dry.  She will also require that I cover her with a blanket to keep her warm.  I will usually lay right up against her back, spooning, in an effort to maintain her core temperature, skin on skin.  My holding her in this manner also assures her that she is safe; that I am there to protect her. sub-Space, submissive Trust & Power Exchange, submissive aftercare

I stroke my Little Kaninchen’s hair and rub her entire body.  The areas of her body that I have left marked, bruised or sore I carefully rub with Arnicare, a homeopathic medicine for muscle pain, bruising and swelling.  I tell her how she has pleased me during the scene.  It is a wonderful time for me to express to her how much I appreciate her submission and that I am proud of her and her conduct.  I may offer her a drink or offer to help assist her to the restroom.

Physical Health Considerations

It is paramount after a heavy scene that your submissive hydrates.  My LK is quite the squirter and even with proper hydration immediately after our scene, her eyes will be dry and irritated later the same evening.  It is equally important that you have your submissive use the restroom shortly after play, especially if there was any anal play involved. Woman are definitely susceptible to urinary track infections associated with sex.

Most of the time my LK will have been in a deep sub-space and she will be completely exhausted. She physically and verbally may respond very little to my comments if at all, and drift right off to sleep.  None the less I recognize the significant psychological impact my aftercare has on her. Even if she does not answer me, and I know she won’t remember exactly what I say to her, I am confident that my holding her and the soothing sound of my voice helps to reassure her that everything is alright and that she is safe.

Remain Physically & Psychologically Present

I remain at lk’s side even while she rests.  I believe it is beneficial that when she wakes I am right there to once again hold her and provide her with a safe and secure atmosphere.  If she is sleeping soundly and I think she may not wake anytime soon, I may begin to clean up our scene.  When finished, I immediately crawl directly back into my bed beside her remain by LK’s side until she wakes.  As soon as she wakes I offer her my full undivided  attention.   I will resume spooning, rubbing and exclaiming how incredible she was during the scene.  Once again telling her that I appreciate her submission, that I am proud of her and that she is a good girl.

It is my personal preference but I usually instruct LK not to wear any lotion before our play.  I relish the smell of her bare skin.  When her skin is well lotioned it tends to get cold during flogging.  Often during aftercare I make sure to lotion her entire body.  Since my submissive is my prized possession I need to ensure that I leave her in better condition then when I started with her.

In summary, be sure to put your submissive away better than when you got her out!

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41 Comments
  1. ankoku1331 6 years ago

    Awesome. Thank you for posting this. Touches on something that was missing from my discussion. 🙂

  2. rougedmount 6 years ago

    Reblogged this on rougedmount and commented:
    this requires some thought on my part

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Rougedmount,

      Thank you for the reblog…

      husDom

      • rougedmount 6 years ago

        its made my mind churn.. and i have to process what you wrote…thank you for some explanation to questions i never knew i had

        • HusDom 6 years ago

          Rougedmount,

          Sincerely flattered that my post was thought provoking…

          husDom

  3. gemini 6 years ago

    What a great post. More needs to be out there about the importance of aftercare, I am sure this will help new and old to the scene. Thank you. 🙂

  4. steelmaster22 6 years ago

    Taking good notes… 😉

  5. This is a great point. Disciplining also requires affection, you can’t just make things work with only one aspect. There is always a confluence of influences required to evolve a relationship, otherwise people get imbalanced and emotional abuse steps in, and eventually leaves the very terrible scars of trauma, and these are nearly irreversible. So yes, great point! Ijust wish everyone would grasp this.

  6. MaríMar 6 years ago

    Great post…. I am so glad you wrote this. You are right to say that there isn’t that much information out there for people to learn. Makes me think that I should blog about the fantastic aftercare he gives me that shows me how cherished and loved I am to him.
    Thank you again,
    xoxox

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      MariMar,

      Thank you… The post was written after a reader wrote me and requested a post regarding aftercare. Recently, I have noticed there is no useful information regarding certain subjects for loving couples, this certainly being one of them.

      With the short coming of available information I could only write from my personal experiences and observations. I am sure that this post will inspire many posts regarding aftercare and I look forward reading about what others are doing.

      Most importantly the post was written to educate those that have not considered its significance. For the newer D/s couples neglecting this step may very well initiate an end to their journey!

      husDom

  7. SouthernSir 6 years ago

    Excellent post…more attention. Needs to be brought to aftercare. For my girl it is the holding, soft stroking, and the sound of my voice that helps bring her back. As you said having something to drink on hand is important as well. Your point about the option is a good one which I had not thought of but will certainly keep that in mind from here on out. Thanks for a great post.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Southern Sir,

      I am delighted that you enjoyed the post.

      Thank you for sharing your techniques of aftercare.

      husDom

  8. littlekaninchen 6 years ago

    Reblogged this on The subMrs™ and commented:
    My Sir’s aftercare is more than adequate.
    http://www.husDom.com
    Little Kaninchen
    http://www.submrs.com

  9. Professor Taboo 6 years ago

    Excellent post husDom! Having been in the BDSM lifestyle now 22+ years, when out in the “normal world” (vanilla world), this exact subject, i.e. quality aftercare, is remarkably and unfairly overlooked or ignored by critics of our lifestyle. Sadly, most traditional couples/advocates are unaware of the true supportive, caring, embracing, tender sides of BDSM relationships. HusDom, many thanks for doing your part to impart the beautiful side of our darksides!

  10. Master's Slave 6 years ago

    Reblogged this on Master's Slave.

  11. Master's Slave 6 years ago

    It is a Master’s life that expands to fill worlds. His submissive is his life ,his whole world and that he lives for her. Master would not be Master without her. Just as she would not be submissive without him. As certain as he breathes he takes care of her every need, as surely as the sun rises each morning, he is her whole world too.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Masters Slave,

      The master would not be the master without the submissive….

      Love it!

      husDom

  12. paddledhusband 6 years ago

    Great blog on a very important topic.

  13. paddledhusband 6 years ago

    Reblogged this on paddledhusband and commented:
    After care is something that doesn’t get enough attentios so I had to reblog this important post.

  14. paddledhusband 6 years ago

    I also reblogged this post to help spread the word about aftercare.

  15. thesubmissivekitten 6 years ago

    Reblogged this on The Thoughts Of A Submissive Kitten and commented:
    This definitely sums up what the word “after care” should be in ANY and ALL D/s relationships, be it married or not.

    Thanks for post, HusDom. It’s much appreciated.


    Kitten

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      The submissive kitten,

      Thank you for the kind review…

      And the reblog…

      husDom

  16. Dusty Katt 6 years ago

    Thank you so much for posting this. It has been a point that is very much on my mind as I look into taking on this lifestyle. It has to be a part of it all or I just don’t see it working for us. I know that the feeling of safety is extremely important to me and showing him that he can make me feel this way after play will ease his mind.
    Again thank you
    Dusty Katt

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Dusty Katt,

      D/s has generally been depicted in a dark and lurid manner. For most couples that practice the lifestyle in long term relationships, it is quite the opposite.

      The most vanilla woman would yearn to be treated in such a manner after a sexual encounter…

      Little Kaninchen and her well being are paramount to me… And she knows it by my actions, not just my words…

      Thanks for your email…

      husDom

  17. sharronkelley 6 years ago

    Reblogged this on sharronkelley and commented:
    This is the best description of what aftercare should look like that I have ever read, so I thought I would share.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Sharron Kelley,

      Your words are quite kind… And thank you for sharing…

      husDom

  18. Loving Liege 5 years ago

    Mr. Fox,

    Another great post that truly shows the love and care we have for our submissives.

    “In summary, be sure to put your submissive away better than when you got her out!”

    Love that thought.

    Loving Liege

  19. MrUnderstood 3 years ago

    I am sure I have not read enough, and I am working on that…been here only a week so far and my “Delicate Rose” brought this to me, just as Mrs. Fox brought it to you. (Not sure if it is right or respectful to refer to your Mrs. as LK, so I refrain, please forgive my ignorance). I have a bit of confusion…and even though DR has been reading and learning much longer than I have, at this moment, I am choosing not to look to her for instructing me…I’ve done enough of that over the last 20 years, is my hill to climb. For me to learn…to become. It seems you refer to punishment as play. I first though that’s what this lifestyle was…more of a role playing…leaving the “vanilla world?” For a while. But then I hear statements like, “she had to be punished” “she knew she had done wrong”. Can someone expand or explain for me? In talking with DR, so far I get the feeling that she…expects the roles all the time. Not just in the privacy of the home. i know she doesn’t expect to be spanked in Walmart 😉 and I am also aware that a loving Dom, the gentleman, is ALWAYS such. But would you dare take her by the arm, and whisper in her ear in the grocery store, “do not disrespect me again my love”. ?? Thanks!!!

  20. Author

    MrUnderstood,

    Welcome aboard!

    Everyone calls my lk, lk… I appreciate your respect when unsure.

    You do not want to look to your submissive for instruction but certainly for her input as you begin to set off on your journey. That is some of the essence of downtime.

    “It seems you refer to punishment as play”

    I am unsure where I would have made a comment like this, as I am very big on separating the two, play and punishment. I believe that details such as this create much confusion to the entire lifestyle.

    I usually refer to a play punishment as ‘funishment’. And again, I use a different word altogether as using the same word for two completely different actions becomes quite confusing.

    Everyone will develop their own dynamic for which best suites both the Dominant as well as the submissive. To shed some light on your Walmart scenario, I have a very simple and well mannered way of communicating things such as this with my lk in public. However, each couple will have to discover what works best for them.

    “I get the feeling that she…”

    This is exactly what is so powerful but equally as important about downtime. There is no reason to guess. By guessing their is room for error and for most vanilla couples that are just entering into the lifestyle your assumption will most likely not be accurate. Use downtime to discuss these finer details in order for you to be able to provide what you are both searching for.

    Best wishes,

    Mr Fox

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