Planning and Scheduling a BDSM Scene
Married Dominance & submission
How often should you plan and conduct a BDSM scene?
Approximately every other week, I schedule a BDSM scene with my lk. The frequency of scenes will be as unique as the couple itself. Everyone has personal commitments and responsibilities that they are responsible for. The primary key to planning the scene is to do just that, Plan It. Focus on consistency.
How long should a BDSM Scene last?
We schedule approximately 4 hours for each of our BDSM scenes. This usually allows us enough time to begin, enjoy, and finish the scene without worrying about time or feeling rushed.
Not everyone will be able to invest this amount of time into conducting a BDSM scene, which is fine. I suggest setting aside a predetermined amount of time for your scenes. Decide what works best for you and your personal circumstances and operate within those guidelines.
Planning a proper amount of time for your scene will allow you and your submissive to be free of life’s anxieties and without the worry of life sneaking in and interrupting your scene.
Aftercare
BDSM aftercare refers to the care and support that is provided to individuals who engage in BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism) activities, either as a top (dominant) or a bottom (submissive), after a scene or session. BDSM aftercare typically involves providing emotional and physical support, such as checking in with each other, providing water and snacks, applying first aid or medical attention if needed, and engaging in comforting activities like cuddling or talking. Aftercare is an important aspect of BDSM practice that helps to ensure the safety, well-being, and emotional fulfillment of all parties involved.
Downtime
Usually, a few hours afterward a scene or the following day, I like to discuss the scene with her. I asked lk what she thought of the scene in general, and what she liked the most, what she liked the least. If there has been anything that she preferred that I did or didn’t do. Things of that nature.
Things that will help me grow as a husDOM™. We have grown to consider this time communicating with one another as Downtime. Well, today, she looked at me and said, “Did you have a plan?”
Did you have a plan?
Well of course, I had a plan! I began telling her my well-thought-out plan from the beginning, defending every move, every stroke, every word. Finally, it hit me, this was her perception of our BDSM scene. The absolute most crucial perception there is. It is why I a
m doing what I do, and she had just confirmed that her perception was different from mine.
Time to stop defending myself and simply listen for a minute. I stopped talking and asked her, what part didn’t seem like I had a purpose or a plan. She honed in on the exact second that my original plan needed a slight alteration. It has been my experience that even the best-laid plan will need to be refined once and a while and usually in the heat of the moment.
Damn, how did she do that? I thought it went almost flawlessly. After further exploration, I realized that it wasn’t that moment at all that cast doubt about my plan in her mind.
She felt as though I didn’t have a plan because I hadn’t asked her to prepare in any special manner for our D/s scene.
Previously, I had always sent my submissive a note several days in advance detailing my needs and expectations of her. These were little things like;
A Dominant’s Desires
- How I wanted her hair, dry or damp so that I could braid it.
- What color fingernail and toenail polish I wanted her to wear.
- What color lip gloss or lipstick if any at all.
- What style of makeup! None, light, slutty.
- What I want her to wear, for example, panties- type, color.
- Music- type
- Shoes – none, high heels, boots.
- Where and when I expect her.
- Etc…
These are the things that show my submissive that her dominant is thinking about her before our special day. These are the things that help my submissive prepare psychologically that build the moment.
These special requests should be about what the dominant desires and expects. They should reflect his preferences. This allows the submissive an opportunity to prepare herself. It also gives the submissive a way to please her dominant, part of the build.
“That’s what feeds a submissive. You tell us what you want and we give it to you in order to please you, Sir.”
Do you have a plan?
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