5 Things Men Want in a Relationship
Masculine and Feminine Communication
Men tend to be reluctant to talk about their needs in their intimate relationship.
When we talk about the balance of the masculine and feminine energies, communication tends to be rooted in the feminine. This doesn’t mean that a man can not communicate properly. It simply means that for a masculine man, healthy proper communication may be a skillset that he needs to work harder to obtain. Thus someone that tends to have more feminine energy, may come by this skill more naturally.
This may be part of the reason that men tend to have more difficulty expressing their, feelings, emotions and needs in a relationship than women. This isnt going to be true in all circumstances but as a general rule of thumb it lines up with what I have experienced throughout my time mentoring, coaching, leading and participating in the men’s group, husDOM.
Proper communication skills are rooted in the feminine
Typically, one’s needs, relationships, feelings and emotions are discussed in the context of the feminine energy. And that makes perfect sense as they are feminine traits. However, men and woman possess both masculine and feminine energies.
With that being said, men and woman will not possess the same traits to the same degree. What I mean by this, is that most often men that naturally possess more masculine energy than feminine energy will generally come by many masculine traits more easily than a woman that naturally possesses more feminine energy.
Most often women that naturally possess more feminine energy than masculine energy will generally come by many feminine traits more easily than a man that possesses more masculine energy.
Generally speaking, men and woman communicate differently. Men tend to communicate from a place of protection and only say what is necessary. While woman tend to communicate more from their heart and need space to express themselves and sometimes vent.
Men and Woman Communication Polarity
Generally speaking, men and woman communicate differently. Men tend to communicate from a place of protection and only say what is necessary. While woman tend to communicate more from their heart and need space to express themselves and sometimes vent.
This often leads to misunderstandings, frustration, needless arguing, verbal shutdowns and sometimes sexless nights.
5 Things that Men Want in a Relationship
There is an entire library of books written about relationships. Unfortunately, there isnt a lot of information targeting what men really need or desire in relationships.
Men have much more depth and are more complicated than requiring just 5 things in a relationship.
This list isnt meant to be exhaustive by any means but rather to open our eyes to the reality that men do actually have needs in a relationship. And that understanding these needs and nurturing them can help create deeper more meaningful relationships.
Praise And Approval
When you take a look at the attributes of masculine energy you will see that it is about showing up. Assertiveness, determination, action and goal oriented are just the beginning. The masculine energy is forward and blazing its way through life, always aspiring to produce.
The Masculine is driven…
With this drive comes a little bit of ego.
Though men can be strong and independent they also thrive when they are recognized for their efforts and their accomplishments.
Men need to know that their partner believes in them. Moreover, your man needs to know that YOU believe in him. This belief needs to be authentic and pure.
Recognition of their efforts, not just their accomplishments are crucial for men. We need to know that you realize that we are all-in and giving it our all to provide for you.
This includes our leadership, strength and courage.
The masculine tends to need less praise than their counterpart but they still need praise. Men need to feel appreciated and admired for their efforts.
Men tend to appear to be tough and require little to no admiration. But men are striving hard to earn your admiration for their strength and efforts in the relationship.
Respect
On many levels, men equate respect to love.
The masculine needs respect in a relationship. They don’t want you to just give it to them. Respect is something that is nurtured, earned and maintained.
Men in general are always striving to lead, provide and protect. When their abilities, qualities and achievements create genuine admiration towards them, it is evidence that they are on the right track and that they are being successful.
Respect is also about validating someone’s personal values and beliefs. In life, a man may take the harder road sometimes for no other reason than the road lines up with his personal values. His integrity is an integral part of his identity.
It is important that a man realizes that he is respected for who he is at his core.
The respect that men need is not from just anyone. It is their parters respect that they must acquire.
Once they know that they have their partners respect they will lean more into their masculine and more towards nurturing and growing this respect.
Trust
Trust goes hand in hand with respect and is also something that has to be earned through hard work, dedication and consistency.
The masculine energy is always striving to provide a powerful and safe environment. A man needs to know that those that are in his charge trust him unequivocally.
Without trust, the feminine, will feel compelled to take on more masculine roles in the relationship in order to create her own safe space that she requires.
As the feminine begins to embrace more of the masculine roles the masculine becomes emasculated. Oftentimes, the man will feel frustrated in this scenario and develop a narrative that “if she would only…. “
- If she wold only stay in her lane.
- If she would only stop bossing me around.
- If she would only let me make the decision.
When the feminine is stepping up to take a leading role in masculine energy, it is done out of necessity. There is a vacuum or a void where there needs to be masculine leadership.
Emotional Intimacy
Today we seem to hear a lot about Emotional Intimacy and how men tend to believe that having or expressing emotional intimacy is negative to their masculinity.
The truth is that all men have emotional intimacy and they just need a better explanation of what it really is in order to nurture it for themselves.
Being Emotionally Intimate with another person involves being transparent with your own thoughts, deepest feelings and fears.
Just like the feminine that longs for a safe place, the masculine energy also needs a partner who they can share with who they really are and how they really feel.
This allows them to know, with confidence, that their partner knows them and understands them to their core, their being. And accepts them and their feelings without judgement or ridicule.
This can be particularly difficult for a man because it is a willingness to make himself, his true being, vulnerable
Others often talk about men not being able to express these emotions because society has programmed us to suppress them for the sake of being tough. Consider that it isnt so much about appearing tough to others as it about letting someone in.
Letting someone into who they really are. Striping themselves of their cloak and lowering their mask. Allowing someone to really see their strengths AND their weaknesses. Standing naked with no armor.
Vulnerable
Vulnerability is not a natural characteristic for the masculine energy. Masculine is guarded and protective.
A man needs a partner that he can trust completely with his innermost thoughts and feelings. Someone that understands him and who he is. There becomes an incredible bond when the masculine energy lets down his guard with his partner. It makes him feel whole and authentic. It removes that feeling of maybe being a poser. Someone that no one really knows or maybe doesn’t really exist.
Sexual Connection
Men tend to connect primarily through sex. The physical connection often helps them feel closer to their partner and develop the trust needed to be more vulnerable. And to let the other person into their lives and develop their emotional intimacy with them.
Women tend to connect primarily through communication. Deep open honest and curious communication allows women to feel connected to their partner and develop the trust needed to be more vulnerable thus building their emotional intimacy with their partner.
In other words, men need the physical connection to experience the emotional connection. While women need the emotional connection to experience the physical connection.
When a woman shuts down the physical advances of a man it indirectly is shutting down his ability to make himself vulnerable and truly communicate.
Conversely, when a man shuts down the emotional connection of a woman it indirectly shuts down her ability and desire for a sexual connection or physical intimacy.
This does not mean that a woman should not expect to be wooed and courted. A woman wants to be desired.
However, try not to turn a cold shoulder to a mans physical advances.
For example, if your husband wakes up and rolls over in bed and makes a sexual advance but maybe you arent quite in the mood or dont have time. Instead of just saying no, and shutting his connection down, give him a deep kiss, look into his eyes, touch is chest, and tell him that the thought will drive you crazy all day and you can hardly wait until you get home.
Your physical touch and attraction to him will leave him feeling attracted and desired.
Take it a Step Further
If you are reading this and you are primarily a masculine energy did the article resonate with your needs? If so are these needs being met? Do you feel satisfied?
If you want more, dont feel bad. Most likely your partner doesnt realize what it is that feeds you as a person.
Oftentimes the masculine energy hasnt taken to time to even consider what they truly need for themselves. Their focus is on providing for others.
Forward this article to your partner and ask them to read it. And then be sure to sit down with your partner and discuss your feelings and your needs.
Communication is key.
Be sure to ask your partner questions as well. This is a great discussion primer and can be used to discover what your partner needs from you as well.
