If she would only act like a subMrs
Then I could be a great Dominant…
I have heard this statement, or statements similar to this that share the same meaning, all too often. It troubles me, however, when other Dominants begin to feed on this rhetoric.
Of course, if we all had perfect situations then we could all be perfect Dominants as well. Guess what? That is simply not the way in which the real world operates.
The real world operates in ebbs and flows, ups and downs, good and bad. The peaks and valleys is also part of what makes life so rewarding, the challenges and the successes.
A submissive, or I should say, a submissive’s behavior is a product of her environment. It is up to the Dominant, the leader, to create an environment in which the submissive can flourish.
Only if she weren’t so moody…
Only if she reacted to situations better…
Only if she would do as I say…
Only if she would submit to me…
A leader would not look at his people and say “only if these people would listen to me and follow me, then I would be a great leader.” Could you imagine reading in our history books that Napoleon said, “only if I had great soldiers that did as I pleased, then I would be a great leader”? Napoleon was known for having some of the most loyal troops in history. Even in the most difficult situations Napoleon created an environment in which his soldiers were motivated to please him and proud to press on during his campaigns. Napoleon was a great leader!, he never once blamed his troops for failures, he always took full responsibility for what they did under his leadership.
If you ever find yourself making the same statement as the opening remarks of this writing, you should stop and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror.
Also, consider that your submissive is probably saying to herself…
Only if he would act like a Dominant…
Then I could flourish as a submissive…
This statement would be much more accurate than the title of this blog.
The Dominant is the leader and is the sole person responsible of creating a nurturing environment for the Ds-Married dynamic to mature. The Dominant needs to set the tone and atmosphere of the dynamic and to arm the submissive with the tools necessary for success.
If you begin to feel as though your submissive is not behaving properly and should be a better submissive, examine the situation and analyze yourself, the leader, before you begin to judge your submissive.
As in most cases, it will be beneficial to conduct downtime with your submissive. Proper and effective communication is always going to be the prelude to establishing a long lasting solution. You, as well as your submissive, will need a concise and candid evaluation of the situation in order for you to identify a tangible solution.
After investigating the state of affairs the Dominant may discover a few fundamental areas that require attention in order to get their D/s dynamic back on course. How can you change your actions or words to influence your submissive’s actions or attitude for the better?
If the Dominant has been honest in their scrutiny of the situation at hand, they may have discovered that their level of personal commitment and overall effort exerted into the dynamic as been diminished. This diminished commitment is often recognized by the submissive almost immediately and without intention reflected by their behavior.
There are obviously many different options that one could use to rectify the situation. If the condition was brought about by the Dominant insidiously slipping back into the vanilla role they should begin by identifying and acknowledging this with their submissive.
It would also be wise to share a few methods that you plan on incorporating into your dynamic to demonstrate your desire and commitment to the relationship.
Downtime – enhances submissive mindset by body positioning and will emphasize your commitment to the lifestyle. The open dialogue during Downtime will also aid in recognition of both the root issue as well as resetting both partners expectations.
Review Rules & Tasks – A review of any already assigned rules or tasks that may currently be in effect. Many times when the Dominant has allowed the D/s-M atmosphere to deteriorate he has also allowed agreed to rules and tasks to go without notice. This could be that the rules or tasks are not being accomplished as previously agreed or it could be that the rules and tasks are being conducted properly and the Dominant is not verifying their completion and not giving the proper praise.
BDSM Scene – Of course one of the most powerful instruments that can be used to set the Dominance and submission atmosphere is to conduct a scene.
So the next time that you find yourself complaining about your submissive’s behavior, remember to take a look in the mirror. What can you as the leader do to alter the submissive’s behavior to satisfy your expectations? Set the atmosphere, Engage in your role and most of all “Take the lead!”
Act like a submissive
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