Treating Your subMrs Like a Child | submission Makes Her Stronger

Treating Your subMrs Like a Child | submission Makes Her Stronger

“Now he feels like he will be treating me like his child.”

In the beginning of a HusDom’s journey it is commonplace for the husband to possess trepidation regarding the thought of treating his wife as a child. The woman that he married was a strong independent woman and he doesn’t want a weak cowardly wife that can no longer make a simple decision by herself. Nobody does… And that is not what your wife wants either…

As Little Kaninchen and myself began discussing D/s outside of our bedroom this became an immediate concern for me. LK and I have been on our own since we were eighteen years old. During the first four years together I worked third shift and for the past nineteen years I have traveled out of state or out of the country. Taking care of everything, from our children to our household, on her own for her entire life, I consider LK to be a single mother.

“He is sooo afraid that I’m going to change and become a weak person. He fell in love with my strong personality and is really afraid that I am going to change and he will fall out of love with me. I don’t see that happening but I guess it is a legitimate concern.”

If I began making all of the decisions for LK soon she will become dependent and not be able to function independently like she does now. What if I pass away? Little Kaninchen would be lost.

Since we have begun incorporating D/s outside of the bedroom I have been amazed at the actual results. Little Kaninchen has become much more confident and assertive. She is stronger now than I have ever seen her before. She makes even better decisions now and with less emotion. Treating Your subMrs Like a Child | submission Makes Her Stronger

Being Little Kaninchen’s Dominant does not make me a dictator, Little Kaninchen looks to me as a leader. We communicate much better than before when making decisions. When she gives me her input I actually listen now rather than viewing our discussion as a debate and looking for weakness in her point of view where I can exploit her misstep. She has only given me the authority as her dominant or leader to make the final decision. Since we began the D/s outside of our bedroom a year ago I have not made one decision without her input and we have not disagreed on any decision either. Perfect harmony! LK still functions and makes decisions everyday without consulting me. In fact, the only changes are that I listen to her more and we argue less.

If we disagreed in the past my vanilla self would have steadfastly fought for my point of view until she just gave up and let me have my way. I would have been so involved in winning the debate that I would not have heard any of her valid concerns or issues allowing me to make a less informed decision. Today, I still get my way but I truly listen.

I’m no longer fighting for Dominance.

HusDom

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16 Comments
  1. Subrina 6 years ago

    Thank you so much this post! You have said it so well and made it very easy to understand. I can’t wait to share this with my husband!!

  2. HusDom 6 years ago

    Thank you, Subrina!

    I will try and get to your email this evening.

    HusDom

  3. Jacquie 6 years ago

    I’ve been lurking and reading, and am often amazed to read in your posts what my Husband and I have been/are going through; this post included. Life is very different in our home, we each have a confidence level we’d not had before. The power struggles and conflicts once present in our relationship no longer existent. There is peace, and genuine, committed teamwork. Thank you for putting the aspects of a D/s life so eloquently so that others who come across your words will see what it truly can be.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      Jacquie,

      Thank you for commenting and letting me know that you are out there. It continues to amaze LK and myself, as well, just how many people there are that are on relatively the same journey.

      “we each have a confidence level we’d not had before.”

      I don’t believe that I have spoken much regarding our new confidence that we both now possess.

      Thanks for your great comment,

      HusDom

      • Daddy 6 years ago

        Hi guys,
        It is so odd that lil bit and I are following the same ‘course’. I was gonna comment about this in an earlier post but decided to keep reading. I’m glad I did tho. Thought it may have been some sort of karmic HusDom vibration, but I see subs are effected as well. Like Jacquie and many of other readers, we have fallen into a similar pattern with similar results almost to the T. The same emotions and trepidations. It’s like we are shadows of each other. Any thoughts on that? From anybody, not just HusDom?

        As great a blog as it ever was. Thank you.

        I am Daddy and I love my little girl.

        • HusDom 6 years ago

          Daddy,

          I am elated that you did comment and that our journeys are so similar. The entire purpose of my blog is to help the vanilla husband transition into becoming a HusDom. Your comment along with the others are confirmation to me that many couples will have kindred journeys consisting of similar ’emotions and trepidations’.

          Recently, I have received many emails consisting of specific questions regarding the HusDom transition. It was astonishing how similar the readers questions were and how their questions directly related to my own journey.

          And thank you once again for your comment…

          HusDom

  4. SouthernSir 6 years ago

    Well said, there is no weakness in submission. If anything it takes great strength and courage.

    • HusDom 6 years ago

      SouthernSir,

      Agreed!

      It requires greater strength and courage to be submissive than it does to be Dominant.

      Thanks,

      HusDom

  5. sir 4 years ago

    Mr.Fox,

    Very nice, thank you for sharing!

    In the past two years I have noticed amazing changes in My Little Trooper, not even the same women!

    MLT has confided in me, as a submissive she looks at the world much differently. With my guidance, MLT has become confident, centered, methodical and attentive in and out I my house hold. This has all been instilled with love, praise and reward. I want a chirpy, responsive, hungry to please submissive, not a door mat. In the beginning this was also a concern of mine also.

    With that being said there are also many moments that My Little Trooper, truly needs her Dom to lean and cry on. This I believe is why MLT is able to be so confident, knowing that she has her Dom, always looking after her, even when not there, casting my shadow beside her.

    Very nice blog Sir!

    Best regards,
    Sir

  6. LawdogDom 3 years ago

    Makes total sense in hindsight… all those arguments… and not listening to what she was saying… having to argue that I was right over what she was feeling or thinking…

    Thank you for another great post and the understanding that I am on a better, more fulfilling path now.

  7. Sir shadow 2 years ago

    I am all new to this. My wife has been unhappy for years she has expressed desire for my BDSM play but often gets frustrated or I’m too much or doing to little to turn her on. It is always something, she says i go right for the pussy. I have tried to be more patient and direct with her and we have had some great sex with me spanking her and touching her. We are testing scenes out and talking more where I think we were lacking before. She says that she does not trust me and therefor holds back. She is very difficult to cum it takes her a long time with the just the right touch with oral sex and finger penetration. We toyed with anal which she says she likes but we get in to a groove and out of a groove so quickly meaning getting along. Lately we have put 6 days together with little conflict. We have been married for 17 years and the last 5 years have been brutal with her meno pause and mood swings. I’m glad we are communicating about her displeasure and me pleasuring her better. I am open for advise. I want and love my woman dealry and do not want to lose her. We are both second time arounders she has 2 boys out of the house I have 2 girls out of the house and a 16 year old at home with us.

    • Author

      Sir Shadow,

      Welcome to husDOM,

      Communication, Communication, Communication…

      Consider if you will that BDSM is not much more than sex. It does feed each partner and provide a proper mindset but ultimately it is just sex.

      D/s, Dominance and submission is the relationship part of the equation. They to go hand in hand but the D/s-M relates to how the two of you interact. The Dominance portion is about your ability to be a good leader.

      “Going right for her pussy…”

      “Doing to much or too little to turn her on”

      “frustrated”

      D/s-M is not anything like the porn that you may have experienced. It is about a true connection almost to her soul. You need to learn about her, discover her, see her like you have never seen her before.

      She doesn’t trust you… I would discover exactly what it is and why she feels as though she cant trust you. This statement can mean a lot of different things. Then I would develop a plan to nurture her trust in you.

      Best wishes,

      Mr Fox

    • Sir shadow 2 years ago

      But how do you explain the in and out of trust, her trusting and allowing to be a submissive and then a drama or upset that blows the trust and her playing games or distancing with her words for days or weeks.?

      • Author

        Sir Shadow,

        It is virtually impossible for me to be able to tell you her in’s and out’s of trust in your relationship without speaking directly to her. I would offer that she has a perspective of the relationship and it is probably different than yours. Neither perspective is wrong they are just different.

        Both of you need to try to look at the realistic though the eyes of your partner and not through those of your own.

        And all of the roads here lead back to communication. I wont have the specific answers that you are seeking, your submissive has them all. You, as the Dominant, are charged with figuring out how to communicate properly.

        “and then a drama or upset that blows the trust”
        ” and her playing games”
        ” distancing with her words for days or weeks.”

        Each one of these items that you have brought to the surface all scream something to me. You haven’t appeared to take any reasonability for the troubles in the relationship in this past reply. Take each one of those statements and ask yourself what part of it do you own? Whether you see any responsibly on your part whatsoever, ask yourself what could you have done, in each situation, to have a different outcome.

        Best wishes,

        Mr Fox

  8. Sir shadow 2 years ago

    Thanks I will continue to work on the relationship and analyze what more I can do and explore her needs in a better fashion. I appreciate the feed back.

  9. Sir shadow 11 months ago

    I am at a Crossroads with my wife she is threatening to leave and that she cant stand the constant ups and downs of the relationship. She says I over react to situations and it has been difficult to maintain a domineering attitude with the constant drama and dischord in our relationship. We have 3 or 4 great days of communicating , pleasing each other, reading and writing down things that are obstacles and how to deal better with each other and then the communication breaks down and we are at odds with each other it has been a viscious cycle and I am not sure if I can go on like this as well. I do love her and of the ups and all the benefits of it. I do not want to lose her to some other man. She alludes to me not being dominant enough. When I take control she seems to find fault to it and the scene or lovemaking stops with an upset. Spanking has been hit or miss. She can be in total passion or its not right and not in the right place and she gets very anxious. Things are tenuous often. Please provide some feedback.

    Sir Shadow

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