Feed Your Submissive | Dominant Training

Feed Your submissive

The following post was copied directly from Little Kaninchen’s subMrs™ forum.  Normally when I use a mentoring email or a post I draw an excerpt from the original text, however, I felt that this particular post should be read in it’s entirety.Sensual Dominant husband

Hello everyone! I’m in need of guidance. My sir and I started our D/s journey five months ago. Things started slowly but very well. He really surprised me in his Dom role in the bedroom. I was pleased that he was receptive. I would send him sexy pics of me and links to videos and toys that I wanted to try together. He responded with interest and desire to learn.


Then we went through a spell where he was working a lot and things fell by the wayside. He wasnt focused on us. I understood I work full time too and my job is exhausting. However, we have to make our relationship a priority. We talked about it and I told him it meant a lot to me that he put thought into our D/s relationship. So things got a little better after some time. We had a few amazing scenes and I began to feel better about things.
But Then I started to begin to feel resentment. I was sending him pics and texts and always thinking about our D/s and my role as a sub. The trouble is this is a two way street. He was not participating in his role. I want to know he is thinking about us, about me. Lusting after me….planning scenes, texting naughty things to me, giving me orders to fulfill… This is what I want and need.
The resentment led to me giving less to him. I stopped rubbing his feet every night and fetching things for him. I didn’t…and still don’t think it’s fair. This is about pleasing one another. I enjoy pleasing him of course but I need that care in return or this is what happens…
I don’t know what to do. I know I need to talk to him but I feel like this is going to keep happening. I thought sending him to mr. Fox’s sight would help but no luck. He read the blog entries in the beginning but I’m pretty sure he’s stopped. I can’t keep giving and not be fed.
I’m hoping some of you will have some advice for me.
Thank you,


This is probably one of the single largest contributors to D/s-M failure…  Feeding your submissive…

Being a Dominant is hard work and being a good loving Dominant is even more difficult.

“This is about pleasing one another.”

D/s-M Circle

I have written briefly before regarding what LK and I refer to as the D/s Circle and this particular submissive sums it up in her own words quite nicely.  “Dominance and submission is a two way street.”  The submissive feeds your Dominance by offering her submission both in the household and sexually.  The Dominant feeds his submissive by offering his Dominance and leadership.


When both parties are upholding their end of the agreement a D/s-M relationship becomes a natural association, effortless.  When one or both of the parties is only feeding from the other and not providing any nourishment to their partner, the relationship will begin to grow weak and eventually succumb.

In the beginning of your D/s relationship feeding your submissive may feel as though it requires a lot of effort on your part.  Eventually these actions will become instinctual and effortless.

How do you feed your submissive?

“I want to know he is thinking about us, about me. Lusting after me….planning scenes, texting naughty things to me, giving me orders to fulfill… This is what I want and need.”

These are the words written directly from the submissive…  her words seem clear, concise and to the point…  She has summed up what almost every submissive desires and needs.

“submissive Mindset” is a post where I have discussed in more detail feeding your submissive.Sensual Dominant Husband

Before you decide that this D/s-M relationship dynamic is too difficult to accomplish realize that this is what every woman desires, D/s or vanilla.  She wants to know that you are thinking about “us” “her”, that you lust after her, find her sexy… and appreciate her!

Let’s all make an effort to not just discover our kink but to nourish our relationship in a sustainable manner in order to create a true happiness with the person that we treasure the most.

Feed Your submissive


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**** This content is for Premium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™ membership level members only. To continue reading you will need to register. Best wishes, Mr Fox ****



  1. Mr. Fox,

    This post is so very timely. Thank you for sharing it. My and I are new to the D/s relationship(well, I am new anyway), and this could not be more true. We embarked on our journey right at a month ago, and the first two weeks were amazing. I shared my story with you recently, so I’ll keep it short. But then our boys had winter break right as things were really moving from the honeymoon into the real life phase. So instead of being able to continue to transition with at least a few hours of the day to ourselves we were abruptly dumped back into the ‘real world’. I was still working on my rules, expectations, and our contract, and doing research on the lifestyle in general and how to be a good Dominant for my wife. However, with the boys home all the time it was difficult to me to be as expressive of a lot of things. So I was continuing to work to grow as a Dominant, but I was failing to feed her.

    They boys stayed with my folks last night and I was fully planning on doing a semi-scene, where we could really express ourselves in our roles and play around with some toys and tools we’d ordered but didn’t arrive until after the break started. I came home after dropping the boys off, at which point we spent most of the evening in very earnest discussion about our relationship. Because I hadn’t been feeding her, she was losing faith in me, feeling I was slipping back into our old ways when in fact I had been working hard to make things different. I just hadn’t been expressing them and showing her, feeding her.

    So now we’re back on track, really looking forward to the boys being back in school next week(I took the entire week off so we’re uninterrupted by my work duties), and I feel more confident than ever that our relationship is renewed and will stand the test of time. Now more than ever I regard her submission as my most sacred privilege and my most sacred responsibility.

    Thank you so much for your continued words of wisdom,


    1. Blaik,

      Welcome aboard!

      I replied to your email the other day and hope that you received it alright…

      The ” earnest discussion about our relationship” is also a powerful tool in a successful D/s relationship… Communication!

      Most of us have never applied this type of effort toward any type of relationship in our past. This is most likely the reason that many find a D/s relationship to be so rewarding.

      “Continued words of wisdom” I am just like you…

      Educating myself and learning everyday, dedicated to our relationship and our happiness…

      Best wishes and Happy New Year!

      Mr Fox

      1. Yes I did receive it, thank you.

        When my wife and I were dating and just after we were married, we would spend hours just talking about us, our lives, feelings, the world, goals, whatever kind of came to our heads. That was lost over the years, but I realize now how nourishing that is to both of us, and I’m so thankful my wife had the courage to bring this to me, because it is what has restored that nutrition to us both.

        And more than just our relationship, this journey has already had a profound effect on the family as a whole. We don’t fight in front of our kids anymore, we are a united front and they see that. We’re more loving towards each other, and in turn more loving with them. The boys have done a bit of power struggle/boundary testing, mostly because this is a big change for them, but otherwise they’ve come around beautifully. They’ve even been more loving toward each other, even with the butting of the heads that is common between brothers.

        Happy New Year and many blessings,


        1. This is amazing… had I been on this site in 2014, I would not be where I am today… but cant use that argument because it took what it took to get me to go down this path.

          Anyway, Blaik, thank you for the comments and story; Mr. Fox, as always, deep respect and gratitude for this community.

          This is what I envision for my family if I can grow into the Dom my wife has desperately needed for years.

          I am finding it interesting that many couples in this group had big struggles and issues while trying to live a “normal” (aka socially acceptable relationship of equals) relationship. It seems like if a sub is int that relationship and her partner has no real clue of what she NEEDS to have happen, it is very easy to get caught up in life and other things and lose focus on the priority of the relationship.

          One of the elements I am admiring the most about this D/s type of relationship is that it forces the relationship to be at the center of everything (even if only vanilla with a twist or in the bedroom ). It is because both partners finally get realistic an honest about their own wants, needs, desires and actively communicate about it.

          if that is present in the relationship, then it doesn’t really matter how far along the spectrum you go, what “level” of BDSM you experience, or any kind of external approval. all that matters is that you and your partner are taking the journey together.

          Thank for the perspective and motivation.

    2. Blaik,

      I know this comment is old but, I am new here so, it is my first time seeing it. But, you really hit the nail on the head when you said, “I regard her submission as my most sacred privilege and my most sacred responsibility.” That is EXACTLY what every Dominant needs to hear, digest, and live by. There is no Dominant without a submissive to Dominate. And how can you expect to dominate someone if you don’t respect the fact that their submission is a gift? Well said Blaik. Well said.

  2. Dear Mr. Fox,
    Thank you so very much. This is exactly what the doctor ordered! Wonderful advice. You and LK are excellent mentors. I’m extremely grateful and appreciative of your guidance.
    With gratitude,
    Lovely lady

    1. Lovely Lady,

      It is wonderful to hear form you again… I hope that the holidays were kind to you and your family…

      I just sent your husDom a quick note checking in with him…

      Kindest regards,

      Mr Fox

  3. Dear Mr. Fox
    My wife submitted to my five years ago. I had no idea what she was talking about. I have been stumbling through this every sense, not making much headway until I found this site. Thank both of you for the straight forward way you have lade all this out.

  4. Mr Brown,

    Five years is a wonderful milestone in the lifestyle.

    I am glad that you have found a navigable resource that can be your beacon for the next five years of your journey and beyond.

    Best wishes,

    Mr Fox

  5. I am new to the whole D/s mindset, and this post was helpful for me to remember that this is, as stated, a two-way street. While I am generally a go with the flow kind of person, reading this helped cement the fact that I need to step up to the dominant role not just for me, but more importantly for her. Something she has commented on previously, but hearing it again from a third-party helps. Thanks.

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