Feed Your submissive
The following post was copied directly from Little Kaninchen’s subMrs™ forum. Normally when I use a mentoring email or a post I draw an excerpt from the original text, however, I felt that this particular post should be read in it’s entirety.
Hello everyone! I’m in need of guidance. My sir and I started our D/s journey five months ago. Things started slowly but very well. He really surprised me in his Dom role in the bedroom. I was pleased that he was receptive. I would send him sexy pics of me and links to videos and toys that I wanted to try together. He responded with interest and desire to learn.
Then we went through a spell where he was working a lot and things fell by the wayside. He wasnt focused on us. I understood I work full time too and my job is exhausting. However, we have to make our relationship a priority. We talked about it and I told him it meant a lot to me that he put thought into our D/s relationship. So things got a little better after some time. We had a few amazing scenes and I began to feel better about things.
But Then I started to begin to feel resentment. I was sending him pics and texts and always thinking about our D/s and my role as a sub. The trouble is this is a two way street. He was not participating in his role. I want to know he is thinking about us, about me. Lusting after me….planning scenes, texting naughty things to me, giving me orders to fulfill… This is what I want and need.
The resentment led to me giving less to him. I stopped rubbing his feet every night and fetching things for him. I didn’t…and still don’t think it’s fair. This is about pleasing one another. I enjoy pleasing him of course but I need that care in return or this is what happens…
I don’t know what to do. I know I need to talk to him but I feel like this is going to keep happening. I thought sending him to mr. Fox’s sight would help but no luck. He read the blog entries in the beginning but I’m pretty sure he’s stopped. I can’t keep giving and not be fed.
I’m hoping some of you will have some advice for me.
This is probably one of the single largest contributors to D/s-M failure… Feeding your submissive…
Being a Dominant is hard work and being a good loving Dominant is even more difficult.
“This is about pleasing one another.”
I have written briefly before regarding what LK and I refer to as the D/s Circle and this particular submissive sums it up in her own words quite nicely. “Dominance and submission is a two way street.” The submissive feeds your Dominance by offering her submission both in the household and sexually. The Dominant feeds his submissive by offering his Dominance and leadership.
When both parties are upholding their end of the agreement a D/s-M relationship becomes a natural association, effortless. When one or both of the parties is only feeding from the other and not providing any nourishment to their partner, the relationship will begin to grow weak and eventually succumb.
In the beginning of your D/s relationship feeding your submissive may feel as though it requires a lot of effort on your part. Eventually these actions will become instinctual and effortless.
How do you feed your submissive?
“I want to know he is thinking about us, about me. Lusting after me….planning scenes, texting naughty things to me, giving me orders to fulfill… This is what I want and need.”
These are the words written directly from the submissive… her words seem clear, concise and to the point… She has summed up what almost every submissive desires and needs.
“submissive Mindset” is a post where I have discussed in more detail feeding your submissive.
Before you decide that this D/s-M relationship dynamic is too difficult to accomplish realize that this is what every woman desires, D/s or vanilla. She wants to know that you are thinking about “us” “her”, that you lust after her, find her sexy… and appreciate her!
Let’s all make an effort to not just discover our kink but to nourish our relationship in a sustainable manner in order to create a true happiness with the person that we treasure the most.
Feed Your submissive
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