HD013 – An Emasculated Man

HD013 – Emasculated Man 

Tue, Aug 15, 2023 6:25PM • 25:08

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

man, elevator, emasculated, relationship, masculine, masculinity, today, husband, breakfast, wife, masculine energy, began, habit, iceland, podcast, feminine, decisions, leaning, life, void

SPEAKERS

Mr Fox 

Mr Fox   00:00

Hey, guys, it’s hump day, a perfect day to put out a new podcast episode. I’m sitting in LAX today, Los Angeles, California. I wanted to share an experience that I had a few weeks ago while I was in Iceland. Today’s episode is going to be about how men become emasculated in their relationships, their marriages and in their lives in general. Join me as I share a story and some thoughts on emasculating men in our society. We as men, are we the victims? Or are we to blame

00:39

543210 All engine running.

00:48

We have a laptop

00:57

All right.

Mr Fox   01:10

Welcome everyone. This is Mr. Fox, the host and founder of the has DOM dominant leader podcast, a community of men choosing masculinity, striving for excellence and fulfillment in all areas of our lives with some kinky dominance and submission BDSM fun as well.

Mr Fox   01:38

In today’s episode, I’m going to give you my perspective on today’s emasculated husband. I’m going to begin with the origin of today’s topic, an elevator ride in my hotel in Iceland. Here I witnessed what is probably an all too common interaction between a husband and a wife. Join me as I wrap my thoughts around my short interaction on an elevator of all places. Hear

Mr Fox   02:16

an interesting thing happened the other day. I was in Iceland in a hotel. And I had just gotten on the elevator I was headed downstairs to the first floor to have some breakfast. My room was on the eighth floor. And as the elevator approached the fifth floor, it came to a stop. As the elevator doors opened, there was an elderly couple there waiting to get on. I’m guessing they were they were somewhere in their early 70s, maybe mid 70s, something like that. The elderly man asked if the elevator is going up. And I said no. The elevators going down to the first floor. And he hesitated. As if he didn’t want to get on the elevator at all. His wife entered the elevator. And the old man says to her, honey, it it isn’t going up. And she turns to him and says, no. We are going down. Why would you think that we’re going up. As the man entered the elevator, he began to explain that he wanted to go up to the concierge lounge to have breakfast. The concierge lounge was on the eighth floor. She looked at him once again and says no. Breakfast is in the restaurant. It says it pretty demanding almost as if he was a five year old boy. Right? And it was beneath her to even have to explain to him that they were gonna have breakfast in the restaurant. At that point, the old man Saunders into the into the elevator and doesn’t say another word. I’m sure that you can envision this. He just kept his head down looking at the ground. Right the ground right in front of his own feet with absolutely no expression on his face. I mean, the man’s shoulders were slumped as if he had no life left in him at all. He looked completely beaten, completely emasculated. And he didn’t have a single thing to say for himself. He really looked as if his flame had been extinguished somewhere. He was lifeless. You know what I’m saying? And I’m sure that you’ve seen this man before, right? I mean, maybe not this man. But you’ve seen a man just like him. A shell where a man wants stood. Let me say two before I go on. I also also want to say that I realized I don’t know anything about this couple. I don’t know anything about their story. The man just looked thoroughly emasculated. I don’t know the He was, he definitely displayed those characteristics to me. But honestly, I have no idea. I don’t know who they were. I don’t know what they were doing. I mean, I don’t know their story. What I do know is I know how I saw it. And how the interaction that morning spoke to me personally. Once they were both on board the elevator and the doors began to close, the lady looks over at me realizing that I was just witness to their morning marital scuffle, or spat. And she looks at me and says, We are married. As if that’s some kind of excuse me. I just smiled and said back to her. By that I was two. As the elevator ride continued, she eventually broke the silence as if to defend her forwardness, I think with her husband, right? She said, Well, we’ve been married for 39 years. And again, as if that somehow justifies her rigidness toward this man, almost as if to say that older married couples just bicker. All right. So I smiled, and I laughed a little. And honestly, it’s probably the ease the awkwardness of the situation. Then I congratulated them. It truly is a remarkable accomplishment, right, married 39 years, I’m, I’m humbled, I think that’s terrific. And I said, I have been married myself for 34 years this year, that we are married justification is what kind of really took me. That’s where I really took notice of, of them of his body language of what was really happening. She just totally overruled him. She didn’t have any capacity for what he may have wanted, or really any capacity for what he was even thinking. Right or feeling. She didn’t ask him any questions. She could have said something like, Hey, do you think that breakfast may be better in the lounge? Or better in the restaurant? Right? Are they serving something up there in the lounge that you really wanted? Right, there could have been some kind of discussion. Instead, there was no conversation at all. A masculine leader doesn’t just bark out commands like that. Leader has a duty a duty to listen to others, and at the very least, to consider their likes or their dislikes. Everyone, and I mean, everyone wants, has the right and deserves to be heard. At a minimum. I don’t even think he was trying to make a decision for himself or for them, or for her for that matter. He just looked like he thought they were headed upstairs the breakfast, we continued our elevator journey to the first floor. I was thinking to myself, just how typical their interaction was, or at least how it appeared to me. Maybe it isn’t as obvious in some couples as it is in others. But oftentimes, it’s there, maybe just below the surface. And sometimes it may be deep. But all too often, if we look, we can see it. The older man doesn’t even look up as I make my typical small talk in the elevator, right? He just looked weak and weathered. And honestly, I felt sad for this man. And again, I don’t know that he was I don’t know if he was emasculated or not. I just know what I saw. Right? I’m not judging either way. This just got me thinking got me thinking about life got me thinking about relationships. I talk a lot. Okay, we’ll say that okay. Always says you don’t know a stranger. Right? And I’m beginning to think she’s right. Because the silence bothers me. I think I like people. I like relationships. I like talking to people. Well, as it turns out, they were from Virginia Beach. They were there for a cruise that spent the night in the hotel. They were just going to grab some breakfast before boarding ship. In I don’t know that it’s really fair for me to say that this is a typical scenario, right of the emasculation of a man, or how it happens in a marriage. But on the surface, I would say that the situation does appear typical to me. Maybe not to this extreme, but it exists, guys. I think you know what I’m talking about. And maybe this man had never really been masculine, which could be the case. And I think that would be even more true in our society today. Or maybe the man just relinquished his masculine energy to his wife slowly, right bit by bit over time. The latter is what I believe happens most frequently. I believe that we do most men possess that masculine energy and then just over Time. It’s insidious as we as we give it up. Hey, guys, you have a minute today, you want to help me out, I get a great amount of feedback from guys like you wanting to know how you can help support me as well as the husband podcast. But you just don’t know how to go about that. Right now, today, the most powerful thing that you can do to help support me and the husband podcast is to take a quick minute, literally a single minute. And from inside your podcast app, rate the husband podcast with five stars, and give us a positive review. This enhances our podcast visibility more than anybody could imagine. And on a personal level, it allows me to know that you the listener, are finding value in the content that we’re putting out, and that you want more. It’s like candy to me, I love it. I love it when I know that I’m touching other men out there, and having a powerful impact on their relationships. Guys, let me know that you want more. This process doesn’t happen in a vacuum. I don’t believe that a wife takes her husband’s masculinity as much as I believe that most of the time the husband surrenders his masculinity. And eventually she has to fill that void. Right, the void that was created by absence, the lack of masculinity. So when I say that I feel this man, this older gentleman that got on the elevator when I say that he was emasculated. I’m not blaming his wife. She most likely didn’t do it to him. He allowed it to happen to himself. If anything, he did it to her. Let me explain. Often when people first get together as a couple men really appreciate the feminine characteristics of a woman.

Mr Fox   12:02

They take care of us, they nurture us, they support us, they want to please us, they want to be adored. It is these very feminine features that are attractive to us as masculine men. They like to pour that energy on and take care of us, please us. And we enjoy it. We like that adoration and we liked that respect. So in the beginning of a courtship, it generally is not emasculating. The feminine women are expressing their feminine energy. And we as men, we love it, we relish it. And I think it’s natural, I think it’s natural for the feminine energy to want to do that, for the woman to want to take care of her man in a relationship. But what I believe happens in a lot of cases is that the man enjoys it. And then he almost begins to expect it. At work, he probably remains forward leaning, he remains goal oriented. He remains focused on action. In other words, he still possesses his masculinity. And he uses it daily. So he keeps that part of himself, but it’s probably only at work. And then at home, he enjoys being taken care of. Right. And again, like I said, I think he enjoys it too much. He loses focus and doesn’t realize that at home, he still needs to be the leader. He still needs to be forward leaning in life. He needs to have goals, right? He needs to be the guy taking action. I think some men lose track of that from from a courtship phase or the honeymoon phase. And then eventually, we as men have set a precedence. Right, we create a normalcy, we set a standard for the relationship, a standard for her taking care of us. And not so much taking care of her. We have relinquished the responsibility of leadership. Notice that I call it a responsibility. Because it is it is a responsibility. It’s our responsibility. And this is the vacuum that I talk about. After a while they both start sensing it, both the man and the woman, right, they begin to sense a void in the relationship. The Void is a lack of leadership. She wants somebody to begin to make some decisions for someone to lead. And eventually, when he feels that void to and tries, he begins to make some decisions. Once we’re on this path, those decisions won’t be what she wants, or they won’t be what she would have done or they won’t be what she expected. That’s because it relationship structure has already been built that standard, that precedent that I talked about, right It’s already been set. She’s been used to leading at this point, she’s used to making those decisions time and time again, it’s become habitual for her. I don’t know the statistic, I’m sure you’ve all heard this, that it takes 21 days to form a habit. And they also say it takes 21 days to break a habit. That’s 21 days of perfect environment, right? 21 days of constant, strong, consistent discipline to form a habit, and equally as much consistency to break a habit. And actually, they say today that it’s much longer than 21 days. And it’s probably because we can’t focus that directly on that particular habit all the time. But it really probably is 90 days, 120 days. But again, that’s consistent hard work. That’s not just like, Oh, I think I’m going to change his habit. And then just 90 days later, it’s changed for you. That’s not the case. So no matter what the real number is, right, and it it would be different for all of us anyways. And it’s also going to be different, probably for whatever habit it is how ingrained that habit is, or how deep have a standard we’ve set already in our lives. My point is that just because we want to make changes in our relationship, even if both of us partners want to make those changes in our relationship, and we’re both willing to work hard and dedicate ourselves to make those changes, changes take time. So be patient. Work hard, but allow yourself and especially your partner, some grace. And back to what I was saying. This is where we begin to experience the pushback, when men begin to attempt to take the leadership role, and to make some decisions in the relationship again, the same decisions that women have been making for a long time now. And remember that she has been making these decisions because there hasn’t been anyone else making them. As men again, we’re probably still masculine, or we have that masculine energy for the rest of our life. Right for our friends, for peers, that work. We’re all leaning forward in life, we come home, and our feminine partner starts to take care of us, right? That’s what happens. It remember that she’s been making the decisions, because there hasn’t been anybody else making the decisions. When and if the husband steps up and tries to make a decision, it will usually be met with a minimum of some level of resistance, then this isn’t because of some sort of power struggle, but rather there’s less flexibility on her part. Right, the habit of leadership at home has already been established. Her decision making skills have become almost natural. And she does it autonomously like a reflex. Her mindset at home has moved from the feminine that we relished so much in the beginning of the relationship to a masculine energy, right, that most men resent. This happen out of necessity, though, there was the vacuum or the void that I was talking about earlier. And let me rephrase that too. She did not move from the feminine energy to the masculine energy, as I just said, Right. She’s been carrying both torches. She’s still holding the feminine and the masculine. She did not take your masculinity. You haven’t been in possession of it for a long time. And if you were, you certainly weren’t using it. Us men are not the victims. Our lack of masculine energy actually created the problem. It’s our own self emasculation, if you will. I’ve seen so many men that try to lead with masculinity. After they’re feeling emasculated. And they give up, they give up with the smallest pushback, the smallest amount of resistance. Right? That resistance just feels like too much like a fight. They don’t feel like they have any fight left in them. They also don’t see any value and fighting over what is often seemingly small or insignificant issues. And maybe a better representation of what I’m trying to say would be that whatever it is that we’re disagreeing about that topic, that subject doesn’t hold enough value to us to justify upsetting our wives. So it’s not that it’s insignificant. But it’s like the damage that’s done isn’t worth whatever the topic is, right? So these guys that I’m talking about out, they retreat immediately. This retreat confirms to their partner that they were right all along, and that their man cannot handle the responsibility of masculine leadership. This scenario is all too common. It’s so common that when the lady gets on the elevator and looks at me sort of with embarrassment on her face, embarrassment, because she recognizes instantly, that there’s a stranger that witnessed her behavior toward her husband. And we can both clearly see that there is a shell of a man that stands among us. I imagine that if I could have sat down and had breakfast with that old man in Iceland, he would have had a story similar to what I described. It’s all speculation on my part. And I can only surmise what his journey has really been like throughout his life. But I really, I can see it playing out pretty close to what I’ve described. It probably began with him slowly checking out, slowly, not caring about the finer details, or just a few things in their day to day life, agreeing with whatever she says, because it’s easier than offering his honest opinion. And somehow believing that if his opinion doesn’t line up with her opinion, that there’ll be a fight or an argument. And when I say somehow, it’s because I would challenge how true is that? Really? We build these things in our own minds. You know, it’s sad, because when you listen to a lot of older couples, you’ll hear comments like, Oh, if you want my opinion, asked my wife. And, sadly, there’s probably some truth to that comment. We hear people joke about this stuff all the time. But it’s true. Hear me when I say that your wife did not take your opinion, that she does not live to make her opinion yours.

Mr Fox   22:03

It’s not that you’re not allowed to have your own opinion, either. The reality is that most likely, you pulled back at some point, you decided that it was too much of a struggle to have your own opinion. And then you stepped back and closed yourself off. And with doing so, you took your masculine leadership with you. Your wife is the one filling the void.

22:35

Back to the couple in the elevator,

Mr Fox   22:37

I can almost guarantee that there was a point in their marriage where this lady was almost starving, craving for some sort of masculine energy from her husband. Could it have been five years into their marriage? Could it have been 10? I don’t know. But I’ll almost guarantee that there was a point when she was starving for it. And he couldn’t see it. He couldn’t recognize it. Like he was too numb to the world. Right? He closed himself off too far. And 39 years later, this is where their relationship ended up. So as I’m telling you this story today, I guess I would say think about your own relationship. Do you see any similarities? Are you two on a similar trajectory or on a path like I’ve described with this older couple? Do you know anybody that is? Friend, brother, a sister, somebody that you work with a colleague, maybe it’s your parents, I’m betting that when you stop and think about this, you do you know somebody? And frankly, that’s why has DOM and submissives exist? Reclaim and restore yourself, restore your partner restore your relationship

24:01

and quality base here, The Eagle has landed.

Mr Fox   24:06

Thanks for joining me for today’s episode. I wish everyone a great weekend. I hope that everyone has meaningful, powerful plans. keep leaning forward into your lives and be sure to lean forward and cultivate your relationship. So many men forget this. Probably because it’s the most difficult part to lean forward into. Maybe it’s because it’s our personal our intimate relationship, which means the most to us. For myself. This weekend, LK and I are headed to the Carolinas. We’re gonna ride the tail of the dragon. I’ve never done it before. I’m super excited about it. We’re staying in Asheville, and then we’re going to rent slingshots. There’s a lot of scenic routes to drive up there in the mountains. And we’ll probably do some hiking this weekend as well. So super excited about the weekend and look forward to the next podcast.