submissive Mindset | D/s Married Couple
Mentoring other Dominants offers me a unique insight to kindred issues among us D/s-M Dominants regarding the lifestyle and our submissives. A common topic recently has been the Dominant submissive mindset; How to transition from an everyday vanilla mindset to a submissive mindset or into a Dominant mindset.
submissive Mindset | Dominant Mindset
Most everyone will experience some sort of challenge in regard to transitioning from the vanilla mindset to a Dominant and submissive mindset prior to play. For most of us it is unrealistic to believe that one minute we can be doing everyday vanilla type things and then just walk directly into a Dominance and submission BDSM scene and perform to our maximum potential.
When you have a 24/7 Dominance and submission relationship there will always be a certain level of control that is taking place between the Dominant and the submissive, even during what would appear as vanilla moments to others. This behavior is already defined by a set of rules, rituals, discipline and punishments. Even the most accomplished Dominant will use some sort of transition technique to allow his submissive time to transform into the proper submissive mindset before beginning a scene.
Bedroom Dominance and submission
Relationships that are defined more as bedroom only or bedroom Dominance and submission tend to have more difficulty performing a smooth transition into the proper submissive mindset.
Regardless of your particular situation the fundamentals for an easy transition into the proper submissive mindset are basically going to be the same. In fact, if you were to utilize the same fundamentals in a straight vanilla relationship they would produce excellent results as well.
A successful Dominant will need to build up to the moment. He can not take for granted that he can just take his submissive at anytime because she is his to take. Remember the D/s circle that LK and I have frequently discussed, the Dominant is Dominant only because the submissive offers her submission to him and allows his Dominance. The Dominant is fed by the submissive’s submission and the submissive is fed by the Dominant’s dominance. If you are feeding only yourself as a Dominant and not feeding your submissive it will not take long before she will begin to seek nourishment elsewhere. I am not suggesting that your wife or significant other would ever cheat on you but I am suggesting that if you do not take proper care of her she will begin to not desire pleasing you any longer and she will begin concentrating on her own pleasure.
You should always make your submissive feel special but make her feel extra special prior to a scene and begin early creating the proper submissive mindset. I will often write my LK a quick note or letter outlining my expectations for our scene. The letter lets her know that I am thinking about her and that I am actually making an effort and planning our time together. This display of thoughtfulness may not seem significant to you as a Dominant but it is crucial for the submissive. It gives her a feeling of importance and also allows her an opportunity to prepare herself for the scene both physically and psychologically. My instructions usually involve items such as our bedding, clothes, hair and nails, room features etc… There is never anything in my requests that would resemble any type of work or chore for her to complete prior to our scene. My invitation is almost all about her and how she can accomplish certain things that will please me.
Her preparation for our time together begins days ahead of time and creating the proper submissive mindset begins.
I have written many things in the past regarding how I interact with my LK prior to a scene but this post is only going to focus on one of those items, kneeling.
In all of my correspondence to my LK prior to a scene I have given her specific instructions on when, where and how I would like her to be waiting for me prior to the scene beginning. Usually, her position is to be seated on our leather ottoman located in our bedroom facing our bed at a certain time with her head and eyes gazed toward the floor. My instructions will also provide many other details but let us just focus on the basic when, where and how for the time being.
This kneeling technique for transitioning from a vanilla mindset to a submissive mindset can be utilized successfully both days in advance by using a letter or a note or it can be utilized ten minutes prior to a scene by simply instructing her to go and kneel as you desire and wait for you. As your submissive kneels and waits for you she will begin to focus on her submission and on your Dominance. Her mind will begin to leave the vanilla world behind and concentrate on her responsibilities. It is here that the transition from vanilla to D/s begins to take place.
This moment of meditation creates the proper submissive mindset and provides the Dominant a wonderful opportunity to clear his mind as well and to begin concentrating on the task at hand.
A great technique to facilitate the transition from a vanilla mindset to a submissive mindset is to have your submissive kneel in a ready position and patiently wait for you to begin.
Remember to make your Dominance and submission lifestyle your own and do what works best for you and your submissive. When I have my Little Kaninchen kneel on her knees for me it is typically for short periods of time or with her head resting on my lap . We are no longer in our twenties and kneeling is not as easy for her today as it once was. When I ask her to kneel for me for the sole purpose of creating the proper submissive mindset I want her to be comfortable and relaxed to where she can meditate and focus on her submission. This place and position of relaxation (kneeling for submissive mindset) is on our ottoman in our bedroom, sitting down facing our bed with her hands generally folded in her lap eyes and head cast towards the floor. My LK could sit comfortably on our ottoman all day.
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