Should I Put My D/s-M Relationship On Hold

Should I take a break from my D/s-M relationship?

Tue, Sep 05, 2023 9:57PM • 28:26

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

masculine, feminine energy, relationship, lk, dsm, podcast episode, dominance, life, feminine, podcast, today, symbol, dominant, give, change, space, flogger, energy, pivot, stanley hotel

SPEAKERS

Intro, Mr Fox 

Mr Fox   00:01

It’s hump day today. You know, I think that maybe subconsciously, I like to drop my podcast episodes on Wednesdays just so I can say that. Or maybe it’s not as subconscious as I’d like to believe. Either way. Once again, I find myself in Osaka, Japan recording another podcast episode. This will be my second podcast episode recorded in Osaka. The first one was episode number 10. The struggle Israel. A couple of weeks ago on the hedonic community app, there was a member discussing the possibility of taking a break from his DSM relationship after a fairly fruitful summer with his submissive wife. He was asking others for their input on the idea whether you’ve ever thought about this yourself or not, this seems to be a relatively common consideration. Everyone that finds themselves at this crossroad in life will have different circumstances that have led them there. And many if not all of these circumstances will seem entirely reasonable for someone to ask this question. Because of this, or due to that, should we take a break from our DSM relationship and pick it back up when life slows down? Or when life gets a little easier? Keep listening to find out how I feel about taking breaks in your relationship

Intro  01:36

543210 All engine running? We have a laptop

01:54

All right.

Mr Fox   02:07

Welcome everyone. This is Mr. Fox, the host and founder of the has DOM dominant leader podcast, a community of men choosing masculinity, striving for excellence and fulfillment in all areas of our lives with some kinky dominance and submission BDSM fun as well.

Mr Fox   02:32

In today’s podcast episode, we’re going to talk about taking breaks in your relationship when life throws you a curveball, or maybe when you see some changes on the horizon. Do you adjust the pivot? Or do you suspend or discontinue your current situation with plans to pick it back up? Climate is better suited for you and your partner.

Mr Fox   03:10

Before we dive in to today’s podcast episode, I want to give you a quick update to what’s been going on with LK and I recently, listeners have indicated that they were interested in LK and I enjoyed learning more about us through our podcasts. You may have already noticed that I have begun announcing where I am in the world when I record each hazhar podcast episode. Currently, all of the marriages sexiest secret podcast episodes are recorded at home in our office. And yes, LK and I are getting close to releasing a new episode there as well. Don’t forget to follow the marriages sexiest secret podcast in your podcast app. At the end of each podcast episode, I’ve begun putting in a few tidbits about what LK and I have been up to recently. Be sure to listen to the end of each new episode if you want to learn more about us. And finally, I want to give a huge shout out to those that took the time last week. It took only a minute I’m sure or maybe two to give the podcast a five star review and a positive feedback. Those of you that did that for me help shoot the husband masculine dominant leadership podcast up into the top 100. And that’s just not any chart that was the apple podcasts, sexuality, US charm. That is huge. I honestly never expected anything like that. And the only reason that I can brag about it today is because of you. Seriously. A special thank you to those of you that hit the Follow button or took the time to leave us a five star rating in the positive review last week. You guys are killing it for me. Please Just keep it coming

Mr Fox   05:13

Alright, let’s get right in to today’s topic, on again, off again relationships, specifically masculine lead, or dominant submissive relationships. Be sure to listen to the end of the podcast where I will share what I said to the husband member that asked the original question. I offered a few strategies for setting up a long term, sustainable, masculine led DSM relationship. I’m just going to jump right in and get right to the point today. Should someone consider taking a break from this style of relationship? Avoid it at almost all costs, in my opinion, You’re damaging the structure, You’re damaging the continuity, You’re damaging the safe space, the trust, everything. Relationships can’t be whipsawed like this back and forth, people’s responsibilities and duties, so on and so forth. You absolutely can pivot, you can make changes, as things change around you, you change with them. But there’s no place for the on again, off again, mindset. You are either in this or you’re not as masculine dominant leaders, we’re trying to create a certain atmosphere for our partners, an atmosphere that makes her feel safe, that safe place those containers, if you will, we’re structuring it in such a way that every day builds trust. Every day builds confidence, every day builds communication. If you just say, Hey, today, I know it’s been really good lately. It’s been really good for the past several months and over the summer. But let’s take a break. Let’s just shut it off today. Let’s go back to dot dot dot. What else? What else do you have to go back to? And how do you even do that? What does the old you even look like anymore? You are not those same people. You’ve changed. She has changed. Your relationship has changed. Most people after getting into DSM relationship, realize how wonderful it is. When they see the masculine, dominant lead relationship. You can see how amazing it is for both people. People don’t just experience that. And I mean, what else would you go to? What are you saying exactly? When you say that you want to take a break from it? Do you say I’m no longer going to look at life through the lens of leadership, and you’re on your own? I don’t even know what that means. You say the things that I used to do for you and the relationship, the way that I looked at life, the way that I looked at you the way that I looked at our future and the way that I approached things, the way that I lean forward, all of those things. We’re just going to stop now, just for a little while. But for now, you’re on your own. How would you even begin to describe what the new relationship would look like? The old one, the one that you used to have together before your DSM, that relationship does not exist anymore. Are you like me? Do you find floggers sexy and as a symbol of dominance in the bedroom? You want to purchase a quality flogger, but don’t know what you really want or what you really need. Are you wondering what makes a quality flagger and how you know exactly what you are purchasing and why Fox and Hare floggers prides themselves on hand crafting the ultimate flogger experience for both the top and the bottom. These luxurious floggers are designed with purpose. A fox and Hare flogger is much more than just beautiful. They have done extensive research on what attributes give a flogger maximum consistency and performance. Check out these magnificent floggers on Fox and hare.com today. The holidays are fast approaching and all of their floggers are handcrafted in the USA. If you want to order one of these sensational floggers at A gift, be sure to place your order today we all have masculine, and we have feminine energy. The feminine can hold their own. Let me explain this. That is the big difference in my mind between us men and the women, they will hold their own femininity, and yet they can hold their own masculinity when they need to. If no one else is taking up the leadership role, a feminine woman will naturally authentically and without complaining, pick up the slack. This makes it difficult for some men to recognize when it’s happening to them, right? Think about your relationship is your wife leaning forward in many of the feminine energies is she also leaning forward in several masculine energies as well? It isn’t because she wants to if she is, is because she has to. Let’s look at the Yin Yang symbol, right, it looks completely balanced as a whole, right? Both sides are a mirror image of the other in relation to size and shape. Yet they are opposing entities right in relation to their color. The Yang is the male energy, it’s the white side of the symbol. It represents the physical, the energetic, the logical the active, right, it’s white, because it’s bright, like the sun. The masculine is radiating and giving it’s giving its light. On the other side of the symbol is the yen, and the yen represents the female or the feminine energy. The black side of the symbol, it’s passive, its inward, dark and cool. Like the moon in the water, it is the receiver of the energy. Just as there is a relationship between negative and positive, passive and active, cool and dark, there is a connection between the white and the black sides of the symbol. There’s a balance duality of opposing yet complementary forces. So let’s take the let’s take the masculine the white side of the symbol, when you look at it closely, there is what is often referred to as the eye, the eye portion, if you will, of the masculine side of the symbol is black. That black eye represents a small amount of femininity, or feminine energy, I should say that a balanced masculine person would possess Yes, we masculine men are supposed to contain a portion of feminine energy, the size and shape of that eye and the symbol is fixed. It doesn’t change in proportion to the symbol itself. But in reality, our feminine energy or the amount of feminine energy will always be in flux, it’s always changing. So a person that is balanced in their masculinity, if you are a masculine leading person will be primarily masculine, but at the same time will possess a small portion of feminine energy as well. The black eye on the white fish of the Yin Yang symbol, right. And vice versa, if you’re a feminine leading person, in order for you to be a balanced, feminine leading person, you would have primarily feminine energy with a little bit of masculine energy, right, that little bit would be the white eye. So what happens when the feminine is holding their own space, their own feminine space, they are balanced, they’re holding the proper ratio of energies, right? proper ratio between the masculine and the feminine, where I’m going with all this and back to the relationship, the relationship that you want to take a break from. So as the masculine energy the leader, we finally get them in that safe, secure place where their feminine is going to blossom. And then bam, out of the blue and for whatever reason for whatever the circumstances are, we say, you know, I’ve been thinking this has been great, but this just isn’t gonna work any longer. Let’s just go back to the way we were before it all started.

Mr Fox   14:55

And it’s easy for the guy. At least it’s easier and really The masculine energy doesn’t need the feminine. I don’t need her to do stuff for me, right? Sure will be less connected. If I don’t have it, I’ll feel less connected to her. If LK isn’t nurturing me, and I’m not on her mind, and she’s not taking care of me, I will definitely feel less connected. And that’s really all that it’s going to do, right? I mean, I’m not going to be well balanced in my masculinity. But that’s all it’s really going to do, is going to create a disconnect for me. Interestingly enough, though, that my feminine energy doesn’t grow in order to fill the void. In fact, just the opposite. Right? I will harden over time, I’ll begin to pull away, I’ll pull back, I will close off. Without the intimacy between us between L k and I, I’ll begin to repress my feelings, and I probably will begin to lean too far forward. But what happens to LK in the same scenario, right? For her, she’s going to be at a loss, because that space where her energy blooms, where it flourishes, where she’s fluid, and creative, all of that stuff comes to a stop, she won’t know where her boundaries are anymore. Right, that would be even more confusing to her. Before the DSM relationship, she knew where her boundaries were right, because she lived it, she lived in that place her entire life. And then then we as a couple created this new atmosphere for her, which she loved, right, where she felt protected, nurtured and loved. And then all of a sudden, I pulled the rug out from under her feet, I tell her that I don’t want to provide that space for her any longer. Again, for whatever reason, however, I justify it in my mind. All of the sudden, she went from a place a safe place where I created a container for her for her feminine energy to a place with no boundaries whatsoever, no safe space anymore for her energy for her emotions for her femininity. She doesn’t know where the boundaries are anymore, or if there are any boundaries anymore, right? Are they completely gone? Or did I remove the space altogether? Or is it just a little bit? Did I pull back? What happened? Did I just reduce her safe nurturing space? Or did I eliminate it? So how much masculine energy does she need to create for herself now? How much of her feminine will be lost as she supplements that feminine space for the masculine energy so she can create her own safe container, right? As a feminine she only has so much capacity, look at the symbol again, right? She only has half of that. Or total capacity to hold the energy is only so large, right? Something has to give as masculine dominant leaders, we can’t just drop our responsibilities without some sort of repercussion. As this transfer of power takes place, it’ll leave a certain amount of scar tissue, if you will, in the relationship. Right. She’s learned that she can’t trust us to hold that safe space for her. Because we’re only going to hold it for a little bit. And then when we’re tired of holding the safe space, she’s on her own. We just told her that. Even if you to decide later on to pick back up where he left off, deep down in, she’ll have a little voice telling her not to get too comfortable. Not to count on you write not to completely relax into that zone. Because deep down, she’ll always feel that you may take that safe space away from her without any warning. I mean, you’ve done it once before, right? So it could happen again. This seriously undermines the trust, right, more specifically her trust in you. And think about this for a minute. We’ve heard this. We’ve heard this so many times throughout our lives. It takes a lifetime to build trust, right, year after year after year. And it only takes a split second to destroy it. We as dominance as leaders, we need to value and protect this trust at all costs. Before we were in a masculine dominant lead relationship, what would you have done when life changes approached you? I don’t like the word vanilla, but I don’t. I don’t really know what else to say. I think I’m going to say pre DSM. Yep, that’s what I’m going to use So pre DSM, what would you have done? Would you have said, Hey, I think we’re going to stop this relationship and we’re going to do something different. Right? No, you wouldn’t have that option didn’t even exist before. So what makes you think it exists now? Right? I don’t care what you label this masculine dominant lead or dominance and submission, dominant and submissive, like, I don’t care what labels you put on it. Because we labeled it and identified it, it helps us create it, it helps us live it, it helps us grow in it. Because now we begin to understand it, we can define it. But don’t use those same labels and think that you can just turn it off. You can’t. It’s a relationship. No matter what you have with your wife, no matter what you want to call it, whatever label you put on it, it is a relationship. Whether it’s good, whether your relationship is bad, whether it’s amazing, or whether it’s mediocre, it’s a relationship in it does not change. Simply by changing the label that you put on it, call it whatever you want. You’re married, call it married, dominance, married dominance and submission, masculine lead, it does not matter. Your relationship doesn’t change, just because you change the label, or you call it something different. If you need to make changes in your life, if you if you need to make changes in your relationship, don’t think that you can simply say that you’re going to leave this relationship and we’re going to go back to another one. It does not work like that. As life changes around us, as our circumstances change, pivot, make changes adapt. You are the masculine dominant leader, this safe space that you’ve created for your wife, concentrate on it, that space can change. But never again, allow that space to disappear. Never. I hope that you’ve enjoyed this week’s podcast episode, and that I’ve given you something to consider whether you’d ever consider an on again, off again relationship, I hope that I’ve inspired you to see how precious your relationship is, and how important that your role is. The dominant really is. Like I said earlier, I want to share what I wrote back to the dominance original question. And I also want to say I’m not beating this dominant up, right? I think this is a common question. I’ve heard people make similar statements time and time again. So it really This doesn’t have anything to do with the guy that made the statement. I believe this is a message that needs to be heard. So here’s my response I wrote, it shouldn’t be structured, to where it is difficult or daunting, right? When you’re in the flow, it should be easy and natural for both partners. Also, if there are areas that create a challenge in your current situation, pivot, make changes to your dynamic that incorporate the new atmosphere, our lives, our surroundings, in our relationships are always changing. Be flexible, to match those changes. Stopping what you are, and what you are doing to start again, another time will only create confusion and discontent. The question that I would ask you is what parts of your relationship would you need to take a break from? Whatever your answer, sit down with your wife, and see how she feels about those changes, your proposed changes, and maybe what she sees as needing adjustments. And then adjust your current dynamic to fit those needs. Avoid the on again, off again cycle. And in this particular gentleman’s case, he wrote back and said they were going to sit down and talk about it. He wasn’t going to stop it. He was going to pivot.

Mr Fox   24:50

So most importantly, what I want to leave you with is the fact that as we move forward in our journey of life, what is behind us What is a memory? Right? It doesn’t exist any longer. Right? The physical place may exist. But the people that were there, they have changed. Right? We as people are always evolving to believe that we can simply go back to that place as those same people, that just isn’t true, that place does not exist anymore. Those people that were there do not exist anymore, right? We’re evolving. There is no OFF or ON switch in the story of life. There really isn’t that switch within a relationship either. So most importantly, we need to cover it and protect the trust that you’ve built with your partner. Don’t allow any excuse to give you a false narrative that you can rebuild that trust later on. I like to thank you guys for joining me this week. And if I’ve missed anything on today’s podcast episode, where if you have any comments or ideas, please look for me on social media and start the dialogue there. All right, gentlemen, that is this episode of Huzzah. Masculine dominant leader podcast. Thanks for joining me and I look forward to talking to you again later next week.

26:33

And quality Base here. The Eagle has landed.

Mr Fox   26:38

So what have lkn I’ve been up to since last podcasts episode you ask? Well, it’s been a lot of stuff. I was on vacation that week. And we went out to Denver to see Duran Duran and concert at the Red Rocks Amphitheater. It was an amazing show. We also met a few couples out there that went with us. So we had a really good time and I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys. Appreciate it. We also stayed at the Stanley Hotel. We took a nine mile guided hike into the Rocky Mountains while we stayed there. If you’re not familiar with the Stanley Hotel, it’s where Stephen King originally got the inspiration for his book, The Shining. Pretty interesting place. They didn’t actually film it there was filmed in Oregon, but it’s where he got his inspiration from while staying there. While we were there we went to a magic show. And we also went to a seance in that famous hotel in Denver. We visited a wolf rescue where we got to see several wolves and coyotes and of course, we can’t leave out the foxes that we got to see. We also visited a dinosaur resource museum as well. That was honestly fascinating. All the all the fossils and stuff that they found all across America really right there in Denver as well. It was pretty interesting. And that about covers what we got done that last week that I was on. So thank you for listening