Topping from the bottom |Domination and submission

Topping from the bottom

 “Topping from the bottom”

Domination and submission for Married Couples


Give your Dom a chance…

As my submissive and I settle into our perspective roles as a Dominant and submissive married couple (D/s-M) we occasionally struggle with the most basic issues. One such issue that manifest itself early in our journey was that of the submissive “topping from the bottom” by trying to take over and plan each scenario. Topping from the bottom

Our journey began with my vanilla wife coming out to me with her hidden desire to be submissive to me and for my dominance over her sexually. After what was probably the most open and honest communication we have ever had with one another about our desires and expectations we began our Dominant submissive journey.

My wife had it all pictured in her mind perfectly how she wanted it to be…

After all she had given this a great deal of thought prior to having that heart felt discussion with me at our local wine festival. She thought of every detail, the lights, the music, where I would stand, what I would say, how I would touch her, how I would dominate her, etc… And due to my previous performance as a romantic loving husband had already pre-judged me to be incapable of providing all of this to her without explicit direction.

Alright! Maybe she had a point. I readily admit that I could not have gone from where I was then to where I am now without her patience, understanding and support not mention her guidance. I definitely needed a lot guidance in the beginning. As I learn and grow as a Dominant in this lifestyle I need less and less guidance along the way. My eyes are open now and I can see the inconspicuous details that have always been present but I just didn’t see before. Things that have always been there, right in front of me. That is what is so wonderful and rewarding about our Dominance and submission D/s lifestyle. I can truly see her, all of her, now. Topping from the bottom



Our D/s journey will not be exactly how she fantasizes it to be but rather how I fantasize it to be. In the beginning I may have needed her constant reassuring and suggestions in order for me to affirm that I was on the right track but as I continue to progress in my Dominant role I need less and less guidance from my submissive.

The reassuring that I desire comes now from your involuntary body functions. The gasp of breath or moan that she can’t control. The look in your heavy green/grey eyes when she is in her sub-space. The twitching or shaking of her body that is involuntary during our BDSM scenes. The orgasm that she can not control no matter how hard she tries.  The squirting that I can control as if I had a switch and yet she has almost no control over.

My submissive’s suggestions now should be subtle with desire and passion rather than with any preconceived expectation. One example of how my Little Kaninchen communicates her desire to me is by forwarding hot pictures of a particular situation, scene or toy via email or text while I am at work. Today I received three such texts. She may purchase a scarf, that I could blind fold her with, a belt that I could spank her with or a particular song or artist as a gift for me.

If you are a submissive that initiated your Dominant and submissive journey and have provided that much needed guidance to your new husDOM, Dominant, there will become a time, sooner than you may think, when you give up that morsel of control and allow him to take both of the reins. Give up that perfect D/s scene that you have created and choreographed in your mind and let your Dominant take the initiative to make it truly a mind blowing experience. There becomes a point when your once essential submissive guidance will become topping from the bottom.  Topping from the bottom is in essence when the submissive is controlling the D/s relationship from the bottom position as the submissive rather than the Dominant or Top taking the control of the relationship.  As a guiding submissive stop thinking that if you didn’t feed your Dominant that he would starve.

submissive “Topping from the bottom”

Give Your Dominant a Chance…

Married Domination and submission

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  1. Very well said. I think there is a fine line between having input and topping from the bottom. In many cases like yours, the woman may initiate the dynamic and lead her husband/partner to what she wants from it. But as you point out, it’s not long before he doesn’t need to be led anymore. She has to be wiling to give up that control of leading him to what she wants and trust and rely on him to be that Dom and give her what she wants. Knowing that the road he leads her down his of his choice, and it’s her place to follow and trust him. Making that switch can be difficult, but it comes in time with you taking charge and her seeing that you are that leader and Dominant.


  2. DV,

    It’s amazing how you can summarize my thoughts and feelings so well.

    This seems to be a common theme among us Doms that were led here by our significant others. There comes a point where they need to trust us to take both reins and lead on our own. It’s not that they don’t trust us with the reins so to speak but they doubt our navigation abilities.

    And when I say led here… I believe that we were already living most of the lifestyle and not truly being ourselves due to societal influences.


    1. WOW… so spot on the way I feel. I kept not wanting to go there…. did not think she really meant some of the things she had said…social influence is right… good thing we have this social influence

  3. This crossroads was , thankfully, a smooth transition for myself and my JR. She was the catalyst for us joining the dynamic. She had NO problem releasing the reigns and catering to my every whim. She fed my Dominance in the beginning of our journey and it was a natural thing for me to lead and keep her reigned in.

  4. Great instruction in this post. Knowing that other doms needed direction from their sub is helpful in mitigating the doubts in my mind.

    1. Thongtramp,

      Great comment!

      You talked about mitigating the doubts in your mind. In the beginning, I too had plenty of doubts. I had doubts about if she really wanted this or that. If this lifestyle was just a fad and would soon be over or if it would really last as we talked and dreamed about. Over time what D/s has taught me is that insecurity and doubt are a waste of time and stifle forward progress.

      Doubt is a natural mechanism designed to protect us. However, in many instances, it stops us from reaching our full potential. Doubt is really the boogyman that prohibits us from living our dreams and realizing true happiness.

      Knowledge, experience, and preparation are the antidote for doubt, fear, and insecurity.

      Research your topic carefully and vigorously. Draw from other, similar experiences in your life and put in the time and effort necessary to prepare for whatever it is in life that you want to achieve. Communication should go without saying, I have included it in preparation.

      The next time you begin to doubt yourself and you have done all of the groundwork, ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen?

      Best wishes

      Mr Fox

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