HD010 – The Struggle is Real

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

lk, relationship, happening, leader, ebb, behavior, flogger, community, ownership, noticed, recognize, dom, pivot, hide, ritual, results, men, alkanes, realize, honest

SPEAKERS

Welcome everyone. This is Mr. Fox, the host and founder of the husDOM Dominant Leader Podcast, a community of men striving for excellence through the essence of masculinity, and a little kinky dominance and submission BDSM fun as well. 

Mr Fox   02:21

Wow, it has been quite a while since I recorded a podcast.  Tonight!  Tonight I find myself in a hotel room, unable to sleep. I’m on the 36th floor sitting in front of this massive floor to ceiling wall to wall window overlooking Osaka, Japan. 

Mr Fox   02:41

After entering my hotel room tonight, the first thought that I had after seeing these windows, how magnificent they were is how much I wish I had LK with me to tie her up and ravish her in front of these windows overlooking the city. 

Mr Fox   02:59

Anyway, let’s get to today’s podcasts

Mr Fox   03:09

if you have read any of my articles on husDOM.com You may have noticed a common thread. I usually archive my personal experiences, my personal struggles. I believe that it not only helps you listeners or the people reading the articles on husDOM.com. I also believe that when I write it down, it helps me look at that situation from a different perspective. And that comes from actually trying to describe it to others put it into words put that situation into words. Well, today’s not much of a departure from what I’ve done in the past. Today, I’m going to talk about a struggle, and not just a struggle, right?   It’s much more personal for me. It’s about my struggle. I don’t want anyone to focus too much today on me and my struggle. Right? 

Mr Fox   03:57

The real lesson is that we all have ebbs and flows. Nobody is immune to that. Hopefully over time, though, we develop the skills to avoid most of these ebbs. And also the skills to help recognize when we’re in these choppy waters, right? When things need to be addressed. And for us men, us strong men, this may be one of the most difficult things to do.  To actually recognize and admit when we’re not getting the results that we want. If we admit that we should pivot that maybe just maybe we’re not doing something right. Some guys get hung up right here. Right? They feel like failures. Gentlemen, we cannot allow ourselves to get hung up on silly shit like this.  We will all need to pivot along our journeys always. It’s not if but when. And it’s certainly not a failure. The only failure would be not recognizing the need to pivot or  not taking action.  Growth actually happens from learning to evaluate situations and take positive action, not just action, but action with intention, right?  A specific action with the intention to get a specific result. 

Mr Fox   05:18

With that said, let’s jump right in to today’s podcasts. 

Mr Fox   05:22

Guys, I just want to take a minute and talk about the Fox and Hare floggers.  And I do want to say that we have just been crushing it putting out the finest loggers you can find anywhere on the planet. The holidays are rolling up on us. Right now I’m sure everybody’s familiar with supply chain difficulties. We’re not experiencing a great deal of that. But in certain areas, we do experience that.  These floggers when you order one, they’re not made. They’re not hanging somewhere they’re not in a box, we don’t buy them from a supplier or wholesaler.  We actually purchase the hide the leather hide. And we cut your flogger out of a hide. So it’s pretty custom on our end. But also, like I said, we’re not just ordering a box of 50 of them. We’re hand making every flogger.  Every one that you choose. So if you’re thinking about the holidays, if you’re a submissive and you’re thinking about purchasing one for your Dominant for the holidays, we want to get these orders in right away. The turnaround time for us right now is really well.  Our leather craftsman is pumping these floggers out right and left. There’s some time involved in ordering the hides, getting those hides delivered, and then getting it delivered to you. So there’s  a process right here that takes place.  We do have quite a bit of hides in stock. So some of these things go out within a day or two. And again, others might take a week or two. So if you’re interested in getting a flogger, and you want it by Christmas, check out FoxandHare.com and get your order in right away. 

Mr Fox   06:54

The struggle is real. Approximately two weeks ago, I noticed something and LK is behavior that had changed recently. It wasn’t disrespectful, wasn’t anything like that. But it was, it was less serving in nature. Like every submissive, LK is strong and independent. But she looks for and enjoys my protection, my guidance, my leadership in our relationship. Her behavior change was subtle. My epiphany happened while we were talking on the phone. And as usual, I was on the road I was away from home. However, I recognize that there was something different, something different in the way that she spoke, the words that she chose, the tone of her voice, something so different that I could feel it. Like I said it wasn’t any disrespect, or necessarily anything that was bad. But the change was there. And I knew it. What was happening?  During that same phone call, but after some consideration on my part, I actually came to the conclusion that the change in LK was a natural behavior.

Mr Fox   08:08

The behavior was on a subconscious level, LK wasn’t doing anything intentional. In fact, she didn’t even realize that anything had changed yet. I was the only one that saw the change. The next action that I took during that phone conversation was trying to figure out the why. What had happened to make lk’s behavior change. Again, after thinking about this on the phone, I realized that the change in lk’s behavior, well, it was caused by me. I was the catalyst for the change. I wasn’t providing the safety and the leadership that she needed that she wanted. I wasn’t providing the environment that she expected and that she would thrive in. I wasn’t being the husDOM that I was supposed to be. 

Mr Fox   09:00

I believe that she was creating that safe and structured environment for herself without even realizing it. Right? In that vacuum, in that void, she wants a certain environment, and if I’m not providing it, she on a subconscious level begins to develop that environment for herself. After I figured this out, I brought it up to her on the phone that very night during that same conversation. It was an insight and realization that neither one of us could deny, right?  After I surfaced my observation neither one of us could deny it. It was real it was happening. We continued to discuss what I noticed and why I thought it was happening.  During that discussion, LK added in her feelings and her thoughts and her perception, right? Her perspective. The discussion was not what LK and I would consider an actual downtime. However, it was a great open and honest dialogue between the two of us. Right there that night I pivoted.   I made some changes that evening.  I believe the awareness has allowed us both to adjust and get back on course, without ever experiencing the ebb. I think I caught this so early, that we actually avoided an ebb. 

Mr Fox   10:17

On a personal note, I feel that LK and I have been doing very well on our rituals.  Maybe not 100%, but we’re doing almost all of them. And with that statement alone, why aren’t I doing 100%? Right? Is good, good enough? No, I should always be trying to level up. 

Mr Fox   10:37

One of the things that I did consider also, when I was thinking about our rituals, and how we had been doing them pretty well, but was my intention still there? Right? Or had the ritual turned into something that I was just doing? Or was my intention still there? Did it still really mean something to me? Currently, all of our rituals that LK and I have mean a lot to me. But I think it started to become just something that I was doing. So I had to go back to not just performing the ritual, but before performing the ritual and during the ritual, and even after the ritual, bringing that intention back into me.  Remembering what it means to me.  Actually processing that feeling. If that makes any sense. During that conversation, LK did tell me she said as a leader as a husDOM as a Dominant I think that when you’re at home, you’re doing a really good job. I feel your presence.   I feel your leadership. You’re doing a good job creating that environment for me it’s really feeding me.

Mr Fox   11:43

And then lk said, however, when you’re on the road, when you’re not at home when you’re away from me, I don’t necessarily feel the same control.  The same structure.  That was gold, right? I talk about gold if you’re ever on our community discord channel, you’ll hear me use that word a lot. I call it gold. I mean, during a conversation if we listen if us men just listen to what our submissives are telling us and not be thinking about what we’re going to say back right if we just listen. Active listening, we get what I consider gold, that was it. lk, just given me the gold. Now I have somewhere to focus. 

Mr Fox   12:32

I will tell you that this summer has been crazy for lk and I we’ve spent big blocks of time away from each other.  More than we’ve ever spent at any one time before. We haven’t been seeing each other. But that’s absolutely no excuse, right? As a leader, as a husDOM, I should see this coming and I should be able to ensure that while I’m away or while she’s away, that I’m providing the structure and the environment that we both excel in. So there’s zero excuses. With that being said, are we all paying close attention to the finer details in our relationships? 

Mr Fox   13:11

Are we keenly aware of not just her behavior, but of our own, and the impact and influence that that has? I know that every relationship has ebbs and flows.  It’s just a fact of life. The goal is to develop and nurture the skills as a leader to lessen the frequency and severity of those times. To have less ebbs and to have them have less of a negative impact on our relationship. 

Mr Fox   13:44

Some of you listening to me right now may currently be in an ebb, while others of you may be in a much more loved flow, and everyone else somewhere in between. It doesn’t matter who we are, we all cycle through this. The best way out of an ebb is to first recognize that you’re in one. Or in my case, realize that I am headed towards one. We didn’t have any obvious issues at the time that I noticed that something was wrong. We were going along pretty well. Actually look at your situation and look for ways to improve it. Be fucking brutally honest with yourself.   

Mr Fox   14:26

What is going on? 

Mr Fox   14:27

What are you doing to lead in your marriage? 

Mr Fox   14:32

No one else is in your head. Right? There’s no shame in your answer. But you must be completely honest with yourself. If after being brutally honest with yourself, you see something that you can improve on. 

Mr Fox   14:45

First, don’t blame yourself. 

Mr Fox   14:48

Don’t see yourself as a failure.  

Mr Fox   14:49

Its quite the opposite. Really, right? You’re being proactive in your relationship. You are not waiting for something to happen that forces you to address it. And then have to reset.  You’re being a good leader, a husDOM.  You’re trimming your sales.  You are leveling up your relationship. 

Mr Fox   14:50

Next, ask yourself why? 

Mr Fox   14:51

Why is this happening in our dynamic? 

Mr Fox   14:52

What is the catalysts? 

Mr Fox   14:53

Finally, take complete ownership for whatever it is that you discovered. 

Mr Fox   14:58

The leader is the one that is setting the scene in order to get the results they want. If you saw something that you didn’t like, take ownership.  Take ownership of whatever it is, then figure out how you can influence the outcome to what you both want, and what you both desire.

Mr Fox   15:45

I’m not looking for specifics with this next question, unless you want to share your story. But be honest with yourself. Who here, listening today, is putting in the 100% that you want to?  The 100% that you committed to when you started this journey?  Who here is ridding on their previous success? Or flow? Maybe you’re not rowing the boat any longer? Maybe you’re just resting, going along with the current right the previous good times. 

Mr Fox   16:19

If we’re all being honest with ourselves and not trying to act like “the man”, that would be the vast majority of us. Actually, no one is immune to what I’m talking about. No one on the planet is 100%. always on, always perfect. That man does not exist. 

Mr Fox   16:38

Let’s recap a couple of the main points today. It’s time to take that brutally fucking honest look at ourselves, at our relationship. 

Mr Fox   16:50

What do we see when we pull back the curtain? 

Mr Fox   16:53

What areas of our relationships of our lives, are we not fully nurturing?

Mr Fox   17:00

Next, ask yourself why. Why is this happening? What’s changed? What’s the catalyst for the change that’s creating this particular scenario. 

Mr Fox   17:13

Take ownership. 

Mr Fox   17:14

By taking ownership. You’re not allowing yourself to play the victim. You’re not in a position to point fingers or to blame anybody else. Also, by taking ownership, we’re compelled to take action to implement something that will give us the results that we want.

Mr Fox   17:33

Remember, we’ve identified a problem. We know why it happened. We know what we want it to look like right? What the goal is. We took ownership. There is no one to blame. Because we realize that as the leader, we are the only ones responsible.  And we’re the only ones that are going to save ourselves by taking action. We can’t wait on others to take action for us as the leader right?  Nobody’s going to.

Mr Fox   17:59

For those of you that would like to share your stories with others and I would love to personally hear I think this is how I grow as a leader and as a Dominant.  Post whatever it is that you notice when you allowed yourself to take that deep dive into your relationship.  Either posts it on our private discord channels if you’re already a husDOM or subMrs member or post your story in our social media, Instagram or Facebook. Your testimony will be powerful to other husDom’s. 

Mr Fox   18:28

None of us are alone on this part of our journeys.