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Very new to this
Hi guys. I’m very new to this world…in fact my wife and I only really started taking it seriously a couple of weeks ago. We are both very kean to learn as much as we can to improve what has already been a very happy and successful 12 years of marriage.
The one aspect I’m kinda struggling with is how to translate this lifestyle into everyday life eg. Kids around all the time, rushing from here to there, work etc. Bedroom side of things is great and we have many plans but crossing the D/s aspects into normal life seems abit daunting. My wife is a very Kean submissive and is also struggling with this aspect…for example knowing when to be vanilla and when not?
Can anyone shed any experience on a new couple dynamic starting out?
Look forward to hearing from u guys -
5 Replies
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The struggle is real…
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Luke3525,
I am very happy to hear that both you and your wife are considering living the D/s-M lifestyle and yes it is journey with many bumps along the way. The lifestyle also is one where you are constantly learning and adjusting to make it work in your dynamic. My wife and I do not separate our lives into vanilla and D/S-M as at all times I am the leader and have final say on all matters at home and Angelica is my submissive and will accept my decisions. We have our active play times and rituals that are private and kept from our kids just as we keep our sex life private. We know some of the things that my wife does that seems very routine tot he outsider is service directed by me. These include making sure coffee is ready in the morning before I am downstairs, serving me first at the dinner table, waiting for me to open doors for her, etc… Not many would view this as D/s but it can be the true non-sexual essence of a D/s-M dynamic. Good luck, keep reading and asking questions.
BigOne
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Luke3525
This is actually my first post to the site but my wife and I have led a D/s-M lifestyle for many, many years and as BigOne says, it’s a journey with bumps along the way and the beauty of the relationship is always growing and challenging yourself and your wife.
One thing that stands out to me in the D/s-M lifestyle and something I have read a lot from Mr. Fox and others is the Gentleman Sir side of this relationship dynamic and establishing a strong communication foundation. Similar to BigOne I have set expectations with my wife on how our daily routines flow, communicating with me on her day, checking in when she is running errands, etc. On interactions she knows she must wait for me to open her doors, stay by my side shopping or out in public unless she asks to leave briefly, limit interaction/discussions with other men, order our coffee from Starbucks (I usually order or meals but the coffee order drives me nuts), etc.
there are probably a lot of things outside of the bedroom/in private that you prefer to happen a certain way, start with those as the foundation of your Dom expectations and add corrections when they aren’t met.
Welcome and enjoy the journey, it’s pretty fantastic.
G8tr -
Luke3525,
Welcome. My wife and I don’t have a full on D/s Relationship but we have a more Vintage Dynamic. For us, its the little things we do for each other. I am very protective of my wife’s sense of self so I have taken a very slow approach. We also have two young daughters so I am acutely aware of what I maybe teaching them with our public play.
The biggest challenge can be opening up new level of honest communication with your partner. Only you can know your wife and your own instincts when one of you is holding back. Unconditional commitment to each other is what can make a difference. (Reference removed due to TOS) I have found the different viewpoints helpful.Fly Safe,
Mr. Saunders -
(Reference removed due to TOS)
Please follow up with me on this.07
Mr. Saunders
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