Memberat 11:18 am
Just as a way of introduction, I thought I’d drop a few lines here, after all, there is no point in joining this community as a silent member lurking in the background.
I’m recently discovering the lifestyle, me being vanilla, through a number of circumstances, the biggest and most important one being that I fell in love with a sub who has years of experience. We are talking about the real thing, the kind of love that we are proud of showing off to the world.
Unfortunately, as you all experienced Doms out there might imagine, this is a clash of two worlds, and since we do not believe that love alone can do it, we are stuck in a situation where on the basis of all her experience she sees potential Dom characteristics in me, but of course I speak the vanilla language and I can’t get them out there in the way that she would be familiar with. We are stuck. And desperate. It’s a suicide mission some may say because her needs as a sub are not being met, especially the dominance aspects and the sexual sphere. Attempts at coming together in some sort of middle ground have been disastrous because of the language barriers, she reads my signals with the BDSM dictionary and we can’t communicate without misunderstandings and of course with what she sees as her personal failures for not being able to do a bit of vanilla at least.
Joining this community is my way of taking drastic action in search for mentoring and advice. I read some books, I understand the basic ideas and principles of a D/s relationship, I love them for the structure, the open communication, the honesty, the depth of the bond created, and even though she has serious experience, she cannot always explain things to me, and that of course is understandable.
So, I hope that I can learn from people with more experience here. [Edited content for TOS] Any advice is welcome! 🙂
Memberat 2:01 pm
Gufo welcome. It seems like you have quite the problem on your hands. I too stumbled blindly into this Ds-M, and have made many mistakes, and also several sucesses. My one suggestion without knowing you further is this, take everything your mother and father taught you about how to treat a lady, and, when in the bedroom, toss it out the window.
Memberat 2:07 pm
your welcome note is much appreciated. Your comment made me smile, but I did understand the intention and I appreciate that also! It’s good advice and if I only knew how to apply it in practice I would be very happy, and that’s why I’m here in the end.
Yes, the situation is a lot more complex, I tried to stay general in my introduction. Soon I will post something in another section of the forums so I can narrow it down by ironically expanding it.
Nevertheless, it’s nice to feel welcome around here and I thank you for that.
have a great weekend!
Memberat 2:23 pm
Welcome to HusDom sir! I think you will find a wealth of information here and discussions with many that range from experienced to very new like yourself. Many here found our introduction in much the same way you have, whether their sub had experience or not. If you haven’t already, I would suggest reading through the blogs from the oldest to now then go into the forums. Many of us are on chat at most times and available for questions as well. I look forward to reading more of your posts as I believe you will have a lot to bring to the conversation!
All the best,
Administratorat 3:03 pm
I can sense your frustration in your current situation. Allow me to suggest that there is no shortcuts in cultivating a new relationship. It doest matter what labels you place on one another, you will both have to invest the time and energy in learning who each other really is.
This time of discovery is one of the greatest opportunities of a relationship. D/s-M is not a race… It is a journey taken together. Enjoy the journey…
You mentioned reading signals in your introduction. Again, without truly having experience with one another, you cant read their signals. Even if both partners are vanilla or both partners are D/s. This is where couples make significant mistakes in relationships. They read signals that arent there or read them incorrectly. Nothing will replace proper communication.
Look at the top of the page for the ‘Where to begin’ drop down menu. Then select communication and read those blogs first.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 2:33 pm
Welcome to HusDom GufoAmoroso!!
That was a well thought out post and as i read the other replies you have got a good sounding board of what works for others. I couldnt agree more with Mr. Fox’s post in that D/s-M is a journey and it is unique to everyone. There will always be similarities but only you and your sub know what works for your relationship – hence the attraction and beauty of our dynamic. The Dynamics success will also be measured on how well you communicate as Mr. Fox stated so well. Without proper communication the dynamic will stall, head down a wrong path, or resentment could build that things are not going the way one or both of you want. Your communication with your sub is critical and vice-versa…she holds all of your answers.
I agree with you whole heartedly that you should engage us in chats, read the Where to Begin tab, and move into Mr. Fox’s blogs. This will give you frameworks and diction from which you can start to share a common language with your sub – or create some of your own. I don’t think you will find us mentoring as we are all here to learn from one another’s experiences – whether it works for our dynamics or not i find there is a lesson and opportunity to learn and contribute from my own experience that i hope helps someone in the community. Just your questions alone will have that effect so dont hesitate to say hi in the chats and start asking away.
All the best to you and your sub and welcome once again.
Memberat 2:33 pm
Well welcome . Not much I can add that the others didn’t already. But if you ever need to chat for ideas me and a few others bounce out of the chat pretty regularly. And always willing to listen and help where we can.
Memberat 6:00 am
Welcome back sir
Resurrected this post so that folks can get a bit of backstory for your other thread.
Hopefully you’ll get some insightful responses!
I enjoyed chatting with you tonight. Feel free to drop in with any questions you might have.
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