Hi everyone, I’m new the site so I’ll just saw a few things to introduce myself. I’m a 40 year old American living and working in Canada. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and have a charming, healthy son, a comfortable house, and lots of hobbies and work commitments that keep us humming along.
When my wife and I were dating we found that we had very different sexual temperaments. She grew up in a conservative home where sex was never discussed, whereas in my family even my grandmother would proudly defend wearing lingerie in her 80’s because “you have to keep the men interested!” I pushed her to be more sexually adventurous and she responded reluctantly but well. We got married knowing that our sex life would require some continuous negotiation, but we were ready for the challenge.
At this point in our marriage the sex is about 50/50 vanilla vs kinky. She doesn’t ask for the kinky sex, and she doesn’t love it, but she submits because it makes me happy and she knows that’s important. She doesn’t like to wander far from certain patterns of our scenes because she says the routine is comfortable and more arousing than new experiences (true even more in the vanilla sex, where she really likes her routines). That has meant that our kink life has evolved slowly, but steadily.
For example, it was this year that she was finally willing to wear a collar in a scene. She has also finally committed to keeping her pubic hair shaved clean all the time, not just in anticipation of love making. She’s gotten better about obeying her protocol, and even now says “Thank you” in our vanilla sex every time I enter her. And she takes a light spanking like a champ every few weeks or months. Still, we have much to do to improve our kink-life, and in particular we both need to get better at communicating our desires.
Still, I have to say, the fact that she has finally accepted wearing my collar was much more rewarding emotionally than I anticipated. That moment I snapped it into place just felt right and good. I felt warmth and the physical sensation of love as though I had been embraced by an old friend and lover. I’m so proud of her submission. There were lots of flowers in the her life in the days that followed!
It was turning this corner, after 11 years together, that lead me to this website. I want to become a better, more loving, more supportive father and husband. Part of flourishing in that way is finding other people to share that journey who can relate to the specifics of the D/s part of my marriage.
So that’s my story. I look forward to gradually getting to know you all and hearing your stories as well. Thanks in advance for your honesty and support.
at 10:23 am
Welcome to the forum Skipper. We are glad you found us. You have probably already read this but a great place to start here is to read Mr Fox’s blogs oldest to new.
That will provide a good view of one man’s journey and a reference for ideas we speak about here such as “downtime”.