AnonymousDeleted Userat 4:57 pm
Hello, I’ve written some things in my profile and this seemed like the next logical step. I’ve been married 23 years in a sexually dissatisfying vanilla relationship to a beautiful, intelligent woman. However, I often feel that there is a significant sexual mismatch that may never be overcome. Though, to be honest, I have not been able to fully address the subject with her without her feeling criticized. Also, I’ve learned that I have aspects of being a Dom, at least sexually, in a few other relationships that I’ve had outside of marriage. These relationships happened at my absolute lowest point when I felt I had nothing to lose at the point and had few other alternatives. I am looking for support and for a little guidance on my journey. It would be great to convert my wife to D/s, but it seems so very hopeless. I don’t know. Despite those discouraging words, we do have a wonderful family and I do love her.
Memberat 7:16 pmPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
Welcome Mr. Modigliani!
Thank you for sharing and opening up the way you have. You have definitely come to the right site if support and guidance is what you are after! Everyone that I have come across on this site is full of support and some form or level of guidance…and it is all thanks to Mr. Fox for starting such a great site!
Is your wife willing to take a look at D/Sm? Does she know about LK’s website? (littlekaninchen.com) It would be a great place for her to just look at and ask questions of other women that are currently in a D/Sm relationship.
I wish you the best on your journey and look forward to future chats.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 8:30 pm
Mr B, thanks for your note. I am still learning this system. My wife is physically fit and attractive, but quite naive and somewhat prude sexually. I haven’t broken the D/s subject to her yet and really don’t know what to do. I assure you that it is quite an acute and difficult situation, though I still love her.
Memberat 7:53 pmBasic | Dominant
I will echo Mr. B’s statements. This site has something for every level of the D/s dynamic. Mr. Fox’s blogs have great insight and the forums do as well.
Also, if you see a post or blog and you have any type of specific questions you can always feel free to talk via private message if that would help.
All of the contributors to the forums are very helpful and insightful.
All D/s journeys are different but have enough similarities that everyone has something to offer that could be helpful at some point and time.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 8:24 pm
Mr B and MG, thanks for your nice notes. My wife is a smart woman but has simple and naive views of sexuality. She is now 48 and though physically fit and attractive, her level of sexuality is very low. She would likely have a very negative reaction to D/s. I really don’t know what to do with her, so as much as I would like her to, she won’t be joining LK right now.
Administratorat 10:49 pmPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
“I am looking for support and for a little guidance on my journey.”
May I suggest that you have come to the right place for both, the support that you seek coupled with guidance along your journey. Many, if not all, of our members are searching for the same type of support.
I can sense your frustration regarding your situation but I would like to believe that nothing is “hopeless”…
I did receive your email and will respond to it next.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 12:20 pm
Thank you Mr Fox. I don’t think it is necessarily hopeless, though I feel that way sometimes. It is just that her journey will be a long one in that she has ventured very little. I did send her into subspace this morning and am getting more commanding with her, which she seems to be receiving well, but it is like going from kindergarten to first grade. The most important thing I think I can do right now is talk with her about it in a gentle way without pushing her too far. There is still a big part of her psyche that thinks that certain types of sex are dirty (even the most basic), so I have much work to do. I am pleased though that she is starting to respond just a little to my gentle, yet firm commands, even if it is based on what I am doing to her, not what she is doing to me.
Memberat 5:15 amBasic | Dominant
It speaks volumes you are reaching out for advice and support. We have all had to start somewhere with our wives. This is not any easy journey for anyone, but the rewards are worth the effort (as well as a by-product).
I think you will find the Doms here are willing to help where we can and look to each other as sounding boards for support.
Slow and steady wins the race.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 8:11 pm
Mr. Stone, thank you for your welcome. It is much appreciated. My basic challenge is taking a sexually conservative, working professional wife and moving her into a more exciting sexual, romantic relationship. Though this is the long term goal, I am trying to determine the most basic next steps in front of me. I’ve already told her that our sex life does not meet my needs and it has had some positive effect, though we have a very long way to go. I do believe the rewards are worthwhile. Thanks again.
Memberat 11:03 amBasic | Dominant
May I recommend starting a Dom journal for yourself if have not already. Start by putting down in writing where it is you wish your relationship to go. From there break it down into more specifics (e.g. blow jobs regularly, anal sex, spankings, etc). A bubble diagram is a great way to do this. After you have the specific things you would like your wife to work on/train to pick ONE thing and concentrate on that.
If you haven’t had the talk with your wife this could be something you put down on your plan. You have been married for awhile to her, talk to her like you would with anything else you would find important. If she is willing have her look around on LK’s site a bit. I think many people have the wrong impression of BDSM relationships and play. It is very different than most vanillas think.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 8:51 pm
I think this is a great idea. It’s ironic that I bring such great skills to planning a business venture but have not applied those skills to the sexual development of my wife. It’s a bit early to break the bdsm or D/s thing to her. I want to define my needs, wants and desires first before I talk with her. She may be more open minded that I am giving her credit for.
Memberat 2:54 amBasic | Dominant
Good plan. You many find some of your sexual desires with her don’t necessarily fall directly into the realm of D/s. These types of relationships are not just about the sex. Although it is a fantastic side-effect.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 2:29 pm
Welcome Mr. Modigliani!,
While everyones journey on this website is at different stages and no two are the same I wish to make you feel comfortable in the time-line aspect. I don’t want to provide you with false hope but your last message is so very positive in that some times there is a “corner” that you turn in the relationship and then the journey kind of picks up speed or momentum and you build on that. Welcome aboard and again as others Ds have stated you’ve come to the right place for advice. Mr. Fox has done us all a great service in providing us a forum to exchange advice and suggestions as well as LK (Mr.Fox’s “s”). They truly know the “in s & out s” (no pun intended) of the D/s relationship and are the first to say if they don’t know something but will find out or research deeper. Again welcome aboard and I speak for us all when we say we look forward to your participation.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 8:16 pm
Mr P, I’m amazed at how friendly and welcoming everyone is. It is wonderful. I hope that a small “corner” has been turned. One of the key questions I have at the moment is how to discuss with her what I want the journey to look like, what the end-state will be and what the next steps will be. I am just trying to wrap my head around this.
Memberat 9:02 pmBasic | Dominant
First as others have stated, Welcome. In regard to speaking to your sub I recommend you search the forums for the term Downtime. Mr. Fox has explained it well in several posts and even being a thousand miles apart I’ve found it quite helpful.
Communication is so very key to the dynamic I’m sure you would find this ritual helpful.
AnonymousDeleted Userat 8:53 pm
Thank you Loving Liege, I will search in the forums.