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Hello from zandd
Greetings all, I’m happy to be here. I’m not married, but I’m in a committed relationship of about 3 years. I was married once before and, primarily for legal reasons, have a strong commitment to never getting married again.
My current relationship is the strongest and best I’ve ever had. I’m sure my story is familiar to many here in that, to my surprise, I found that the more I took a more dominant role, the better everything in my relationship was and the happier my GF was. I was steeped in many feminist ideas that discouraged male dominance, so it was something I never dreamed I would become involved with. But currently, in the bedroom, much of our sexual play/fantasies/sexting revolves around me being the master, with my GF explicitly calling me this in the bedroom and when we are in that protocol. Through the course of our relationship, my GF trusted me enough to say explicitly say “I like it when you’re in control”. In the past, I’ve had problems with sexual performance. But putting two and two together over a long period of time, I realized that those problems were always linked to a more submissive headspace. When I’m in charge and dominant, those problems for the most part disappear.
My GF and I don’t live together, again something I don’t want to change. I’ve joined the community primarily to lurk and get some ideas on how to continue to move our relationship forward on this level. On a practical level, I’m really interested in how, when a couple is physically apart, the dominant dynamic is enforced via texting, commands, tasks given, etc.
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