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Greetings from the farm
So – introductions – Hmmm…
I think my path parallels Mr. Fox’s a bit. I’ve spent the last 20 years married to a woman who I love dearly, fucking like bunnies, and generally having a grand time, with the sole exception that I’ve always been frustrated that she just plain refuses to take hints and act on her own initiative when she sees things around her that need done, and she’s always been frustrated that I don’t just tell her what to do, rather than trying to get her to make decisions…
We’ve recently decided that perhaps the solution is to stop trying to act like “equals”, and accept the fact that under the hood, she really has the mindset and needs of a 24/7 slave, with a strong dash of “little” mixed in.
Of course, I’ve spent 20 years screwing this up, trying to push her to be more independent, and there’s a weird mix of inhibitions that society has stuffed in her head too.
Weird, because in many ways she’s a perfect amoral hedonist, and will often do almost anything that feels good, but she’s still got some hang-ups and inability to let go and enjoy on certain topics. I think they’re almost all popular-media-porn-induced – there are a number of things that she’s convinced that “real people don’t enjoy that, that’s just acting for movies”. On the other hand, if she was exposed to the act, before meeting it in media, then she’d almost certainly have just said “cool, that’s fun”, and be enjoying it today.
On the plus side, get her rational mind out of the way on many of the things that she “doesn’t like”, and she’s desperate for more, so I think we’ll get there, but it’s going to take some work to get her to be completely honest with herself.
I’m already “a bit” on the dominant side, with some sadistic sprinkles, and on things where I’ve been smart enough to tell her what to do, she’s quit often a perfectly obedient submissive (“I think you should get some piercings dear, spread your legs” – “oh, ok” 🙂 ) However, I can absolutely see me doing the “Oh – dear – have I hurt you?” routine and screwing everything up if she called “yellow” on something, so I’m going to have to step up my game several notches.
To really make this work, to get her to fully relinquish control, and for me to come to grips with the fact that I need to fully accept control and responsibility, I need to Dom-up, and she needs to learn to stop what resisting of her submissive inclinations that she does, and give in to them. We’ve decided to give it a go, which is why I’m here.
We’re headed for overall, 24/7 submission, mostly just to better align our interaction with her needs to not make decisions, but I figure we might as well take it into the bedroom as well as just domestic submission, and that’ll be somewhat new territory for us.
We’re not exactly vanilla now (the largest butt-plug I’ve made for her, weighs 5% of her total, soaking-wet, body weight, and I’m going to have to make a bigger one soon), but impact play is somewhere we’ve never ventured. From reading, I’m very hopeful that if I can get her started down that road, it’ll be a new and more effective way to separate her rational mind from her pleasure centers. Right now the most effective solution for that, is substances that are only legal in a couple states right now, and it sure would be a hell of a lot easier to just smack her ass a bit!
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6 Replies
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sgf,
Welcome aboard…
What a wonderful introduction Sir. I feel as though I have known you for some time now and look forward to chatting with you in the future.
I am no math genius but that plug must either be made from the worlds heaviest material or be quite large, both even… You said that you made the plug yourself I thought that maybe it may make its debut on the DIY | D/s Tools of the Trade forum.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Well, she’s a featherweight, so it’s not /that/ huge, but it’s a solid 4 pounds of silicone, and another pound of steel reinforcement because the silicone I happened to have around for casting with that day was too soft.
Put this one on the list of her “has to get her rational self out of her head” things that she enjoys. Ask her and she’ll tell you that she hates anal play, but damn, you should see the look of sublime pleasure and pride on her face when she gets past the widest part on that thing. Same for actual anal intercourse – intellectually hates it – or more properly can’t admit to loving it, can’t get enough in bed. We need to work on her ability to be honest with herself here…
I’ll see if I can put together a decent build tutorial, but to do it right, will require making another plug. I’ll need to turn out another wooden master form, so it’ll probably take a bit of time – almost all of our free time is currently going into building a new workshop down on the farm.
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sgf,
The conundrum of the love hate relationship. That is oe of the many benefits to D/s, your submissive can forget about what others consider taboo and begin to simply admit it when she receives pleasure from certain activities without feeling guilty or ashamed.
No hurry on the plug thread. I do look forward to it when you have time.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Well, I will say that formalizing her submission is, so far, turning out to be an interesting, and I believe productive experience.
In many ways, she’s always been considerably more submissive in day-to-day behavior than many “hobby” submissives, at least based on what I see in people’s writing. Many things I’m seeing recommended as rituals for breaking a submissive down, and reinforcing the submissive mindset, and that I see submissives struggling with accepting when writing in their blogs, have just never occurred to us as not being part of normal everyday life. I’ve always felt quite blessed, and more than a little proud of her, that she’s almost universally acquiesced to just about anything that felt to me like an appropriate direction for the relationship.
Moving this from being an ask on my part, and an option on her part, to a tell on my part and an obey on her part, is definitely a liberating experience for the both of us though. It’s also generating some quite interesting “teachable moments” that are already helping her come to grips with a number of issues where her rational reaction is quite different than her emotional reaction. She will be writing short vignettes on some of those, and hopefully posting them to your LK’s site, sometime soon.
(I will say, her long-standing pliability is actually turning out to be a minor problem in designing new rituals and activities to reinforce a proper submissive mindset. Other than in areas of kink and pain, there aren’t a lot of sane boundaries, where she can make little victories and reinforce her progress in formal submission, that are left for me to push)
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sgf,
Welcome to husDom sir! Your introduction is great to read. I truly appreciate your open sharing and look forward to seeing you online.
Loving Liege
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Hello sgf, I as well enjoyed your introduction a lot. Hope to read more about your experience. Also waiting for the tutorial on the button plug
Mr. Right
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