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Fish out of water
Two years ago I was in a long term relationship with a partner, Husky, that is very much submissive and wanted me to be his dominant. I accepted but unfortunately at the time I didn’t grasp what this meant at all. I admit I didn’t do much research then, didn’t understand what a submissive feels, what my responsibilities were, anything.
We started having more and more communication issues, he constantly tested me (which I didn’t realize at the time, I grew up with a very stubborn father who had an anger problem. I was raised to shut up and listen.) and eventually we broke it off.After that I had a couple of short term relationships, one of whom was also submissive and it’s like a light bulb went off. This together with other things that were going on in my life changed me in a very short time. I am now more confident and speak my mind more, which keeps me from bottling until i explode.
Now Husky and I are talking about giving it a second try and I want to do things right this time. He definitely has more experience and, even though I’ve grown more confident, it is still a bit intimidating to me.
Any advice or links to blogs/posts would be appreciated.
A bit about our current dynamic.
We are going very slowly into bdsm.
We aren’t married nor do we live together and our schedules only allow us to see each other once or twice a week. A lot of the teasing and the few tasks he’s been given have been through text.
He is very testy, hence the name Husky, and I’m easily intimidated if I’m not feeling 100%
We do have a tendency to flip. Which I’m guessing is something we should fix asap.
And I thought I should mention, I’m a woman. -
5 Replies
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Welcome fishie!
We have a few active Dommes here, and you are always welcome to hop on chat and fire questions/comments at all of us.
If I could make a suggestion, MrFox’s blogs are a great read to see how a D/s-M relationship can start out, and share some of his insights and learning as you and your Husky start again.
Go slow, talk honestly, LISTEN to his thoughts/needs/questions, and hear more than speak.
Good luck
Welcome!
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Hello Fishie,
While your situation is unique i dont believe its out of the norm for many out there. One thing to consider is our subs have a tendency to always be out in front of us. Our job is to maintain control and create structure as the leaders of our dynamics. While this may put pressure on us they in turn need to recognize where we are at as well. Both need to work hard in order for this to work. One feeds the other, a circle if you will as Mr. Fox has put it in his blogs. I look forward to chatting with you, welcome to husdom.
Dominus -
Thank you, I’ll definitely check out Mr. Fox’s blogs.
And yes, I think is an interesting situation to say the least. With him being chaotic, loud and outspoken and me being so mellow.
What do you mean by ‘always be out’ ?I don’t think he has become testy outside of the bedroom up to now this time around but he has tried flipping the dynamic multiple times in the middle of a session. Calmly telling him to ‘let go’ or that ‘you’re not the one in control’ seems to help with that, he immediately relaxes.
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Hello Fishie,
What i meant by that was our subs have a tendency to run out in front of us. By pushing us to do more or be more for them. They can become “testy” or “bratty” when they dont get what they want. Communication is paramount when this happens. They need to know where our limits are and respect them just as much as we do with their limits. Hope this helps? Ps I would start with the older blogs first. Good luck on your journey.
Dominus -
Welcome to husDom Fishie,
You mention that sometimes you “flip”, and you are sometimes easily intimidated. Is it possible that Husky is getting mixed signals and that is why he tries to flip the dynamic during a session. I would encourage you and Husky to have some downtime and really talk about what it is you both expect out of this dynamic. Remember each dynamic is unique to each couple.
The most important thing is communicate, communicate, communicate.
Also if you go into the forum section there are some Dommes that post and you can get some insight from a Domme point of view.
Buck
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