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Wanting to learn…
I wanted to introduce myself. We have been married 26yrs, but dating all the way back to when we were 15. Now both 48. Healthy and fit, daily gym rats (sometimes twice a day for her).
I recently retired from Law Enforcement after 25yrs (now working in a related field again), she works full-time in the medical field. We have 3 kids, 2 are adults, one in high school. Sex was a struggle for many years, but we now have it down to a science. Despite being in a dominant job and having to maintain that at work, when at home I just wanted to let go. Let someone else take over. I finally realized she needed more and that was why she was unhappy. She wanted her assertive, dominant man she married back. So I gave him to her.
Now, all is great. We have sex almost daily. However, despite a variety of positions and acts, our sex tends to be very vanilla. I can sense that she wants more, but I am hesitant to push it. When I place my hand on her neck, she raises her chin as if she loves it. She always wants to take the submissive role in bed. Always talks about how feminine men disgust her. She wants to know she’s with a man.
All the signs are there, I just need guidance on how to do it right. We have never broached spanking other than some light swats during sex or playfully during the day. The internet has been no help. I hope to get the advice I need here. We have always been monogamous and agree we do not want anyone else in our bedroom.
Looking forward to learning how to do this right.
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8 Replies
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flnative,
Welcome to the neighborhood!
I am Mr.Cain an ambassador for the community.I have also been a member for over 3 years.It sounds like your first step should be having a very clear conversation with your wife.Honesty and communication is where it all has to start. I have found that what I think I sense is often not the same thing as what she wants and needs. The only things we know for sure are the things we talk about. It is probably time for you to broach those subjects. I look forward to hearing the results of these conversations.See you on chat,
Mr.Cain -
flnative,
I think you will find that your story is very similar to others on this site. I am current law enforcement and felt the same exact way as you described about just letting my wife handle everything at home, while being in control at work. My sub was wanting the exact same thing your sub is looking for. Please join in on chat when you are on. Also if your sub is not on subMrs, I would highly recommend she join. If she is on, she can look for my sub Marie on the chat. I hope to talk to you on chat sometime.
Take care, Sir Ed
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Welcome to husDOM finative,
First let me say thank you for your service in law enforcement. You have found a wonderful place to find information for a D/s-M dynamic. I think many of us were or are in a dominant role in the work force and tend to relax at home. You have noticed that already and seem on the way to rectifying the problem.
I think you will find many Doms that have a hard time at first with spanking. I, for one, do not like to spank for punishment but funishment spankings and playful swats on the butt are fun now. There is a big difference between a dominating ass whipping and a dominant spanking. In todays culture people seem to lock the two together.
If you click on the search icon at the top of the page and type in spanking it should take you to some ideas and information on the husDOM site
Pleas feel free to join us on the chat site when we are on and join in on the conversations. If you have questions please feel free to ask.
Enjoy the journey
Buck
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Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it. We spoke a bit over the weekend about some of these topics. It went well, but still working through it. I think we are both on board, but are unsure of how to proceed. It’s a learning process like everything else I suppose.
You’d think after all these years it would be easier to negotiate these waters… Thank you all for your encouragement.
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Welcome flnative, I know my sub is enjoying subMrs, have you talked with her about joining?
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Flnative,
I am so very glad you found this site and have taken steps to understand how a D/s-M dynamic can work for you and your wife. Your story albeit different than mine resonates with a large number of members here on HusDom. I fully understand that the first steps and how they fit into the marriage framework can be very challenging but as others have stated here it is very much about communication and being on the same page so to speak. I recommend that your bride join subMrs and that you read blogs and forums here as well as visit the chat rooms from time to time. Many here have great wisdom when it comes to incorporating D/s-M in marriages. I hope this journey is fun for you and your wife, if you have questions please feel free to ask me or any of the other Ambassadors we are here for you.
Warmest Regards,
BigOne
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I appreciate the warm welcome here. I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve been busy this week, but plan to spend some time exploring this weekend. We have had some talks and I am surprised at what she is receptive to. Things that in years past were definite no’s are now maybes and yeses. I believe our dynamic is changing and she is finally letting to let me lead. The funny thing is it seems she has been waiting for this. Both of us here, wanting the same thing, both afraid of freaking the other out. Maybe the years together have contributed to that. I believe at times we still see each other as those tentative 15year old’s or busy 29 year old’s with 3 kids. Afraid that speaking what we want will shatter some image we have developed of ourselves and each other.
I am looking forward to where this may take us. Thanks again, I’ll be around.
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flnative,
Welcome to husDOM…
You bring up some interesting points regarding the apprehensions for one to maybe not bring up the lifestyle. All of which are probable.
I am glad that you have found your way into our community during this next phase of your relationship.
Best wishes
Mr Fox
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