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The Challenge to Dom up.
Greetings,
I’m Sir TC and my wife is Star. We have been married now for almost four months. We got married after knowing each other for only a few months. She is my twin flame in life and we sparked rather quickly. We have three boys that keep us busy. We both work and have very busy lives.
Prior to my star introducing me to this, we were already living a D/s life style. She is a little and I am her daddy. I take food care if her and it takes a lot of work out of me. It’s so rewarding though and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I love taking care of her and making sure she is safe.
I must say we got into this rather quickly. Probably too fast. I made too many rules and messed stuff up pretty bad. We’ve taken two breaks from D/s due to some fuckups on my behalf. We are bith kearning though and trying to get better at this. I must say it takes a lot of patience to be a good Dom. I am learning that everyday. I always remind myself to stay in control because I lose my temper sometimes. Prior law enforcement habits make me a bit crazy at times with insubordination. I’m learning to re-train my habits and make new ones. This has to fun and must challenge you to be a better person.
The best part I’ve enjoyed along my journey is our growth we’ve made as a couple. We’ve learned to communicate better and not be so nasty when we fight. We still fight though and I hope this changes so we can be happy. I feel that lost of our fights are caused by me and some of my bad habits. There’s no excuses I can use for mistreating my star and being childish during a fight. I’m learning new things about myself everyday and hoping to become a strong Dom for my star. My ego does get the best of me though at times and that’s one thing I’m really trying to deal with. There’s something about our egos that just destroy relationships.
Forgiveness is the last thing i will mention. A true Dom must always be full of love and willing to forgive no matter what. I’ve learned that the hard way and pray daily that I can continue to forgive myself and my star. This quest is about love and bringing couples to a higher path in life. I know if I continue daily to practice good habits and reform my behavior I will please my star and make her mine forever. -
4 Replies
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This writing is not directed solely at you, but is a generalization of what I think is the general direction men should be heading, if not already on the path.
I know if I continue daily to practice good habits and reform my behavior I will please my star and make her mine forever.
D/s is about the submissive pleasing the Dominant, not the other way around.
One of the most common problems I see with new members is that the husband is “chasing after” their wives good graces through any actions they deem necessary to stay in those good graces. Men have a tendency to “pedistalize” their woman, inadvertently placing her in a higher position than himself in the relationship.
“She is my everything”
“I would do anything to keep her happy”The problem with this mentality is that it is flipping the power structure into her being the de-facto leader of the relationship. When your constantly seeking approval for your actions to please her, then she becomes the boss.
As a man who wishes to take the reigns of the family, and take the position of leadership within the family, a shift in this mentality must take place.
It starts with taking ownership of yourself. You need to own your own actions and behaviors, and understand that if there are problems in your relationship hierarchy, its solely on you, and only you can put an end to it.
if your wife is disrespecting you, its your fault.
If you blame her for acting out, its your fault.
If your feeling hurt, shameful, insecure, angry, frustrated, irritated, defeated, then its all your fault.
If SHE is feeling hurt, shameful, insecure, angry, frustrated, irritated, defeated, then its all your fault.Thats right buttercup, suck it up and own it. But do not let these things defeat you. There is hope.
The way of life is to learn from mistakes. Its evolution in progress. The trick to surviving mistakes is to own that part which is yours, learn from it, pick yourself back up, and get busy moving forward again. No need to beat yourself up for it. Its good to remember that success is born out of a hundred mistakes.
Now, have a good long look at yourself, and ask yourself a couple questions:
“What am I doing here?”
“Where am I going?”
“How am I going to get there?”
“Why am I going that way?”Its time for you to decide what YOU want, and begin to integrate that into your life, so that you begin walking your path forward. If all your thinking is that what you want is your woman, or to make her happy, then your selling yourself short.
Women dont want to be the boss. They do not want the focus on them. They wants a leader who knows where hes going, they she can follow his lead, and help him achieve these things he wants. They want to support him in his endeavors.
She will be pleased when she sees you standing up for yourself, making decisions about where your going, and what you want to do, and then executing those things in your life.
She wants to see you confidently walking your walk of life, without hesitation. She wants to see your fire, and passion. She wants to FEEL your fire and passion, and revel in it with you.
She wants you to ravish life with passion, and then ravish her with that same passion under the moon.
She wants a warrior who is not afraid to look the enemy in the eyes, fierce, steady, strong, and controlled in action, feeling and thought.
She wants you to be her hero.
She will be your prize, if you willing to conquer her world.
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D/s is about the submissive pleasing the Dominant, not the other way around.
D/s-M, to me, is about both partners putting the other partner and partners needs ahead of their own, otherwise the dynamic is not balanced.
The long list of attributes that most woman desire in their men is right on. What is missing is a similar list of attributes that I want in my submissive.
A D/s relationship is comprised of TWO people. Focusing solely on yourself without consideration of your partner is not leadership. Real Leadership, in fact, is selfless. Doing for the greater good if you will.
Mr Fox
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I would have to agree with what has been written regarding this topic. I’ve made some shifts recently and our D/s M is much better now. Women crave to be dominated and every man finds his way of doing it. It takes time and patience though.
I can’t expect my star to be perfect right away. I must train her and teach her what I want and expect out of her. This is the kicker to it. Training!
With saying that, responsibility like Masterdym says is key to being a strong Dom.-
Sir TC,
Great job in taking ownership of the challenges that have been plaguing your dynamic to date.
Realizing that a successful dynamic is not based solely on ‘Training your submissive’ but training yourself as well will pay many dividends as you progress along your journey.
Your submissive will and should have expectations of her Dominant as well. Communication is where most need to begin. Take the time to discover one another before you take on the challenge to simply dominate. Without knowledge your domination will be nothing more than domineering.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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