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Steady Hand Dom
Hello Jason and SamoanSir. Nice to meet you. Hello to you as we’ll Mr. Fox.
My wife Goldilocks and I have been on our D/s-M journey since July 2013. I would consider myself to be a novice as well. There’s been plenty of turbulence on the way so far but lately things seem to be settling down. One of the main things to get things to work smoothly is for me to keep a level head and not let silly things turn into an argument. Care must also be taken to always do as you said you would so that your submissive doesn’t lose trust in you. It will be very helpful to hear from all the other Dom’s and to get all of the differing opinions and advice. I want to be the best husDom and that I can be for my Goldilocks. She deserves nothing less and I feel very bad when I let her down. There is so much to learn and process. I must say I love the change in my marriage but it is such a new and different lifestyle that it keeps me wondering if I am doing the right thing a lot of the time. I do know this though, praise your submissive and tell them all the things they are doing right for you and all the things you love about them and they will always want to please their Dom.
SteadyHandDom
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4 Replies
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Welcome SteadyHand! Thanks for joining us on the forum. I do agree with you about consistency. Communication I believe is the first rule of being a good Dom, but Consistency is a very close second. At the beginning for me I let a lot of things slide, mostly because I’m that kind of guy naturally. I generally don’t sweat the small stuff and this lifestyle has changed the way I think over time. If I make a rule or an expectation and it is not met (after we’ve communicated about said expectations of course) it is my responsibility to follow through. If I let things slide it seems almost as if I remove a brick from the foundation of this dynamic. It has been difficult to punish my wife/sub when she didn’t agree with it, however I’ve found if I acquiesce to her emotions it has much worse results than just sticking to my guns. Believe me there have been tears and outrage on her part but in the end the next morning or even after her punishment she usually re-evaluates any bratty actions she had towards me and things seem to just work out on a much simpler level. Being level-headed is a must as well. I go through great lengths of self control to not fall into the “vanilla” trap of the way we used to argue. I quietly but firmly state what my expectation was and how I feel it was not met. After 7 years of being together she knows how to push my buttons and she has tried. I can’t say I’ve been perfect because I have a few times let my anger or annoyance get the better of me and threw a snide comment or remark back at her. This generally ends up in an argument like we had before this dynamic. After much thought and reflection I found that being the Dom she deserves involves being kind, but also being firm with my expectations as well as not engaging in emotional arguments. I agree with praising your sub for good things as well. Negative reinforcement on a constant basis does not work for anyone. It’s a constant flow of building her up and allowing her to gain confidence as a sub, but also being the hand of consequence when expectations aren’t met. I think all new Doms feel that same sense of “am I doing the right thing?” because for the first time in awhile every decision is yours, which also means every failure is generally a result of your decisions. It’s actually more of a burden mentally than I thought it would be, but the rewards are great. In my marriage at least, we have almost completely stopped bickering, we are both more sexually satisfied than we have ever been together and the communication lines are more open than we have ever had. This lifestyle is a lot of work, mixed with many many rewards. I look forward to your insights on this forum as I myself am a novice as well. It’s a great place for like minded individuals to share, bounce ideas off each other or get/receive advice. Welcome to the HusDOM group, glad to have you. Thanks for reading 🙂
Cheers!
-SamoanSir -
Welcome Steadyhand,
It nice to meet you. My Eve and I have had the same positive impact on our more than 20 year marriage. On more than one occasion we have asked each other what took us so long to reach this point in our relationship and why doesn’t everyone reach this conclusion. All we can say, is we are glad we are here now. I’m still relatively new to this lifestyle and am constantly learning and improving, and value this source of information as a way to communicate with fellow Dom’s and gain their insight and knowledge on subjects to improve myself. Once again, welcome, I hope you find this site as helpful as I do. -
Steady Hand Dom,
Welcome back!
You many words of wisdom in your intro…
We all have a lot to learn form one another!
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Hello SteadyHand,
Been reading everyone’s introductions and felt moved in particular by yours. The real desire to be the best dom you can and recognizing the real weight you are taking on as SamoanSir pointed out really strikes a cord in me.
I have spent hours in the first days of our D/s relationship working on rewards, funishments, punishments and rules for my darling girl. But what is missing are the rules for me!
I read another post by a dom mentioning he was trying to lose weight. It’s so strange to know that if I require my darling girl to exercise or attend yoga that she will or there will be consequences. But not so for us dons. The discipline comes from us. We are only accountable to ourselves unlike our lady loves.
So I have decided to make my own rules. The consequences can be as severe as my darling girl losing respect for me as her dom but all consequences are nebulous but real.
So after hijacking your introduction post, again Welcome, I think I’ll write a separate post on the topic. 🙂
LL
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