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Newcomer
Greetings. My wife and I have been together for five years. We have both come from other relationships and we have a young son together and she has older children from her previous relationship. After the birth of our son things dried up a bit for us in the bedroom and we started to have some conversations about how to rekindle things. That led to conversations about kinks and areas we’d like to explore and it’s when I started learning a lot more about myself (and my wife). For her part, she is quite submissive in the bedroom, likes being told what to do and likes pain a fair amount. I have led a fairly vanilla life, but have had kinks that I’ve never had the ability to explore and I’m now starting to realize that perhaps those things aren’t as shameful as I had felt in the past. I have what I would consider a “quiet dominant” personality. I tend to lead in relationships both personal and professional, but I don’t do so with a boisterous personality but rather a quiet confidence. So with all that in mind, we set off down the path of exploring this world. We’ve more or less picked things up as they make sense – there’s a basic collar that was bought before we really looked into the symbolism, a higher end flogger, a cheaper crop, etc. Things have gone well, but right now my main focus is figuring out where this fits in our life. Is this a bedroom only thing for when we’re feeling frisky or is this something we want to be more a part of our daily life? Do I want her to start wearing a day collar and having a chore list or do we switch out personalities when we’re ready for fun? Also how do we do the things we want with a toddler running around and other adult kids who may pop in at the wrong time?
I’m generally more of a lurker than a poster on forums, but if people have thoughts I’d be happy to hear them and I look forward to reading a lot more.
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4 Replies
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Gday sir, and welcome.
As to your points above, good luck! Heh. Every single relationship and couple is different. Every time.
You’ll find things on here that I or others do that you totally resonate with, and other things you will scratch your head over and think “yeah no, that’s a hard limit”.
I have done bedroom only, 24/7, plenty of kink, and vanilla, and each has its place in a marriage. However I have found personally that my Little Peach and I thrive far better as a couple when there is no vanilla at all, and I love her as a dominant husband should.
Welcome again, take your time and browse the forums and blogs, there’s a “where to begin” tab at the top, and also a “basic dominants o lay” tab that only pulls up blogs that are available for free members.
Also check in on the chat. It’s generally fairly active, and even if you don’t chime in, I find that’s where I get the most out of this community.
Welcome sir and good luck
Cheers
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Sir MacD
Hello and welcome to husDOM. I think that Sir Hermosa did an excellent job in advising where to begin. I would like to add that although lurking is completely fine, you will learn and grow from engaging as often as possible. We are all fairly gentle here and everyone is more than willing to offer the experiences.
Sir Bee
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Thanks for the welcome and the tips. I’ll make an effort to stay engaged. My lurking tends to come from a place of getting very busy and the conversation passing me by but I want to prioritize learning everything I can about the lifestyle.
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Welcome to husDOM, SirMacD. Enjoy exploring and finding what works for you, if you can feed each other and build your marriage no reason to have shame over enjoying unique play in your bedroom.
As you explore what will work for your dynamic, I would just encourage you to go slow, each rule or ritual you add needs to be monitored and followed up on by you. Too fast and you won’t be able keep up on them all and then she potentially won’t feel fed.
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