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New to this, but it was there from the start
I have been and still am confused but the thoughts and want’s I had I’ve come to realise are not weird, strange, f-ckd up, or wrong. My desires and fantasies seem to be normal, mild even compared to some of you lot. 🙂 Unfortunately I am married but I’ve met someone online who seems to share my ideas, it’s not a fit, but there is potential. She can give me exactly what I want, and she find’s me stimulating enough, her mind and body responds to my mood, my words. Totally new but I asked her to dress up and send me a few shots of her. She did it. She even went to the bathroom to touch herself after reading our conversation. And this was at a dinner party.. I guess she find’s my words connect with her. But I explained carefully what I wanted from her, I have want’s yea ? I put much effort into our conversations, and tried to just be myself. The excitement from our conversations, and esp her sharing herself like this is heart pounding stuff.
The thorn is my marriage. I am happily married, or perhaps I am, but I am starting to think I am perhaps not. I’m just accepting the vanilla part, and playing along, betraying myself and my wife. I’m strangely comfortable with all of this, and willing to go meet the potential sub, lead a double life, burner phones, secret meetings, lies and lies. O my.. I dont feel bad at all, but I know it’s not right. I have to decide, stand up and do it. Perhaps I’ll just chat to my potential sub for a few months more, see if it works, see what I can learn and try learn as much from all of the Dom’s here, I can only aspire to be as great and wise I’m sure.
Judge me if you like, and voice it too why don’t you. I’m not convinced either route is wrong here. I’m sure I’m not mentally soft, maybe, just maybe I’m enjoying the fantasy..
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4 Replies
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I’ve been away a few days. I will tell you that in my opinion you need to decide about your marriage first. Stick with it or divorce but don’t tarnish it by having an affair. She doesn’t deserve that. Once you are divorced, have all the fun you want.
The grass is rarely greener. Perhaps your vanilla wife might love the idea of a bit of D/s? Maybe you can have it all as in married D/s with a woman you promised to spend the rest of your life with.
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I have called it off. Now I do feel terrible. I told her I was married, and emotions ran high. The sub did not deserve that kind of pain, but it’s better now than later. Actually she likes married men she said, but I could not give her 3 hours a week. That was the big problem for her, she felt as if all I had written was untrue, I tried to tell her all of it was true, and were things I wanted, for her, but she called herself “another fucking fish in the see” which I told her simple in our case wasn’t the case. I could give her 3 hours, phone off, just the two of us, but I would just not be able to do that consistently, and sleeping over would be harder. Perhaps I could have managed a sleep over every two or three months. But now it saddens me to know we are over. I enjoyed her so much, I promised I would teach her, grow with her, play with her, command her, be hard and gentle with her, be patient, I would help her cum, we enjoyed the same stuff too, outdoors, music, etc
Now my only options are two exit this marriage, or try get my wife involved. I’m just not sure how I would even do that, initiate that. With the sub it was easy, I could tell her what I needed, she would respond, I could give her tasks, she responded, and so on.
I still have feelings for my wife, we work together every day and from home, I think some feelings became numb,I became lazy. I don’t know where to start, please where do I go, what do I do ?
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Please take a long look at yourself in the mirror…
Speak out loud as you define and explain what the words honest, integrity, trust and respect mean…
Then, in silence, continue to look at yourself in the mirror and replay everything that you have said in this thread through your mind.
Consider what attributes that you believe a good Dominant would posses and how a good Dominant would treat others.
Consider what you have done wrong with this poor submissive and what you are doing wrong with your wife. Dont blame them for any of your actions, you take responsibility for every single one of them.
D/s-M is about relationships not BDSM.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Thanks for your replies!
I know it’s about relationships, and yes and I was looking for a relationship with her, she would have loved deeply, and I do to.
In this case I was not behaving wrong in the sub’s eyes. She wanted time, she didn’t care about my marriage, time I could not give her, we would spend more time travelling than being together. That is all.
I only feel bad that I caused her hurt through my actions, so I called it off, it was hard but she has already met someone else. I didn’t dump her in a ditch either, we agreed to close the door, but not burn any bridges. I have a idea she’ll be just fine, we are actually going to meet next week just to make sure everything is good.
Now I have to figure out how I can ease my wife into my dark side. Hey honey give me 3 hours, submit to me and let me play with your body, let me tease you, let me surprise you, wear this, why I’ve got a better idea, go sit in the corner when you don’t bring me coffee like I asked. Ha that is not going to happen, which leaves me with loads of questions 🙂
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