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New Here
Hello I am new here, married for 15 years and have had a power struggle from the beginning. my wife is a sweetheart and I would never leave. Her our sex life had been almost non existent and 6 months ago was at the limit. I ended up having some online episodes and it was very exciting. I had a regular exchange with a lady and we did some online role play mostly BDSM and we played both roles each. I ended that relationship and 5 months later was craving the same. I have recently met someone online and don’t know how it happened but within a week i was her master. My wife dosen’t know about this but I have been lightly talking about being her Master and sometimes she says it but we are not there yet
Meanwhile the last 3 weeks have been out of this world having someone totally submit to me.
So I am really new to this and am developing our relationship structure and learning a lot from this site
thanks and hope to talk and learn more with the community
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5 Replies
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Welcome. You sound like you are in a marriage similar to mine. You will find this place very informative. Others with more experience will chime in oerhaps on advice on how to get your wife on board.
As a newbie, my advice would be start working on your tone of voice (deeper, calmer, stress free) when you speak to her. Also reach out and hold her arm or hand or however you have in the past. But do it with purpose. With a gentle strength. This is subtle stuff that will start planting the seeds that you are her dominant.
This D/s relationship was my wife’s initial idea. So I worked on things I could do quickly to establish my dominance.
In the past I would ask her opinion on things. Partly to make conversation, partly to see her reaction, partly because I was in some mental 50-50 equality thing.
So when an issue comes up and a decision needs to be made, I ask myself, do I need to bother her with this? Nor,ally the answer is no and I just proceed with confidence.
Your dynamic ism obviously different than mine. If you want your wife to be your sub, start acting dominant without taking about it.
Welcome!
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Welcome to the site kabir! In my limited experience, D/s almost entirely revolves around communication. I, personally, would suggest finding a way to communicate fully to your wife know what has been going on.
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Hi Tex and Mr. thanks for your comments – last night I had a break through and my wife agreed to try but she is German and her idea was mostly kinky sex but I explained our power problem and how we could negotiate every month on how things are going. I also said that we have never done this in 15 years. So she said OK lets try it.
I believe that we can fully communicate once we are set up
kabir
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Good luck! It’s one helluva ride.
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Kabir,
Congratulations and welcome Sir. I highly recommend having your wife join subMrs asap so she can get a sense for the direction you are taking her. She will need a lot of support and direction from subs who have been there. Also, of note, since D/s is foundationally about trust, I suggest ending the on line relationship before entering into a D/s relationship with your wife. Lack of trust is a D/s killer and if you expect a D/s relationship with your wife to succeed, she will need all of your attention, affection, investment and effort. Just my 2 cents.
Best wishes,
Thanatoi
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