Need advice

[Unknown Member]

FicusAurelius

Welcome to HusDom. You aren’t dominating her, I hope, you are leading here by her consent and agreement. So why feel guilty?

My sub smokes. I have a rule limiting her smoking that she has agreed to. Sometimes it makes her unhappy when she asks and I say no because she had a cigarette recently. I don’t feel guilty about this, because I know it’s bad for her (and I personally hate the smell), and she has agreed.

As a side note, if the rules are good, then it should be easy for you to follow and enforce them as well. If you don’t care about the rule then your sub won’t either.

Yours,

Boris

[x-kmunik8d]

I’m having issues with following through with my sub. We have set up some really good rules and she had been doing very well.

I haven’t been correcting her and I’ve been holding back because I feel like I’m not considering her feeling.

Consistency – A Primary Need of Submissives

If you are communicating with her openly, then you are BOTH agreeing to the rules, and consequences for violating them. If she is asking for it, then there is NOTHING wrong with taking care of business.

I have always been interested in it and felt intimidated by her former knowledge and having only done scene play I felt ignorant.

These feelings are born out of a lack of self confidence. Not being afraid to fail, laugh about it, pick yourself up, learn from it, and try again is a key masculine behavior. Dont fear the risk of looking silly, or of making mistakes. Its the fear thats the real lady killer here. Making mistakes is a key facet of life, and how we learn. Learn how to deal with them in a healthy way. Always take ownership and responsibility for yourself and your mistakes. They are all yours after all.

A Dominants Goals

Here is a set of goals I created to help me move forward productively. They were created by condensing a list of 21 key submissive needs. All 21 needs will be met if your succeeding with all 10 of these goals.

Dont be afraid of showing them to your sub. Ask her to grade your performance using the goal catagories so you can learn where you need to focus more. Humble yourself and suck it up. Dont take it personally if she fails you in them. Use it as fuel to better yourself.

Ask her which goals she loves the most and likes the least. Use that to create areas of focus.

Hope this helps.

Masterdym

[ficusaurelius]

That is extremely helpful. I love the list of goals. I think it will help me quite a bit. Thanks.

[husdom]

FicusAurelius,

Confidence…

Confidence comes with knowledge and experience.

Begin educating yourself as much as you can. Real knowledge comes from your submissive herself. You can only find broad answers here on husDOM. Your submissive holds your roadmap. This fact makes your communication essential. I would begin by reading the downtime post. You can find it by looking at the dropdown menu at the top of the page, Where to Begin.’

Also, the intimidation that you feel is most likely simply in YOUR mind and not your submissive’s. Begin at the beginning for yourself and don’t be apologetic or feel bad about it. You submissive will understand.

Nest, D/s is a journey and not a race. Take your time and stay within your own comfort zone. Otherwise, you will never find your self-assuredness and confidence that you don’t just seek but actually need.

Best wishes,

Mr Fox