-
I'm back
This is the first time I’ve logged in since I’d say roughly a year. Reading the blog post from then, I see how optimistic I was back then. I felt energized as I had accepted the inner Dom within me and my wife had agreed to explore it together. Needless to say, things didn’t work out quite as I had thought. Things started to unravel – she did not submit as she had promised to, we grew apart again. The ebbs and flows turned to peaks and valleys. Last month, there was a break, or rather, a near cataclysm. I almost walked out, and it nearly lead her to a mental breakdown. Yet, I was somber and collected – I knew what I wanted and if I wasn’t going to have it with her here, then I would never be happy. Yet I stayed – for her, for myself, for the little ones most of all though.
Since then, things have been different – this time something in her broke. We really came to the edge this time, our relationship had nearly imploded. And, perhaps that’s given her pause and an appreciation that she’s more vulnerable than she lets on to be. Or, perhaps it’s made it clear to me that I have more control than I thought I did. For the last 10 years, I’ve allowed us to be “equals”, which didn’t mean we discussed everything together as equals should, instead it meant pulling control away from each other, fighting for it in an uneasy detante.
Enough. No more. I’m taking the helm. I see now that my yielding in the name of some “equality” only made me look weak and unreliable. She felt she needed to act to fill the vacuum of power, else it wouldn’t have been done. Being in charge stresses her out, makes her uneasy, causes her to worry, and become generally sour when she feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
The process has begun, although I am cautiously optimistic. Yet tenacious as well – I am keeping my eye on the prize and I don’t plan on failing this time; enough time has been wasted. She’s learning to speak to me with respect, to defer to my decisions, to understand she’s mine. And, so now I’m back here looking for help how to move forward. As I wrote, enough time has been wasted, but I also don’t want to mess things up.
Any support, help, guidance from the community here would be much appreciated.
MasterC
-
0 Replies
Sorry, there were no replies found.
Log in to reply.