Hello to Everyone

[Unknown Member]

Welcome to HusDOM, Pete. I too have felt the tectonic plate shock when we got started. My entire paradigm shifted. Marvelous, no?

[husdom]

PeterUnwiling,

Welcome aboard sir!

The website and the community are my pleasure… Please enjoy.

Mr Fox

[Unknown Member]

Introduction

The following scriptum is an overview over our D/S dynamic. In some points it will be detailed as it is a part of my own documentation yet rewritten. I want to share it with you to complete my introduction and perhaps I can inspire you to think about some dependencies withing your dynamic you might have encountered, but never looked at from another or beginners perspective. As anyone is individual this scriptum is not meant to be a guide or stating the truth. I am male with a selfassessment as a Dom and my sub is female. I don’t like to call her sub, but helps to simplify this text. This is a definition valid for the following and with no further intentions.

After staying in a great relationship with my girlfriend for about three years we began to develop. It was a growing process based on everydays decicions. We had our struggles but always managed to avoid harming our relationship by talking about all issues until they were solved. This was essential because we have different mother languages and culture – Asia and Europe. We had to merge our concepts and teach each other our reactions.
D/S happened first when having excessive sex. All of a sudden I said, “When you are going to be my wife, I will use you from time to time”. I didn’t plan it and was shocked by my own statement, but even more by her response. She and her body were both saying “Yes”.
I nearly forgot about it or didn’t want to deal with it until the moment when I asked her if she wants to marry me. The night after I leave to your imagination, but it triggered much.
After that my mind started going crazy about basically everything. “Is this is the last woman I am going to have, Can I solve our future problems, Are we developing the right way, What is my role, Do I like the role, Shall I fuck her every night, Can we do more kink, Will the rushing development stop?”
The following four parts will show you how we merged our kink and relationship. I am going to write about what D/S means to me, the basic concept of our official D/S, followed by a concept for implementating new components and finally I give some insight in our play to demonstrate the results.

[Unknown Member]

Part I – View of D/S
For me D/S (24/7) is more than a kink. It offers a set of tools, that can be created individually. These tools can be extreme or even contradict some ideas of feminism which is a good development in my opinion. But lets have a look at the human nature to understand the contradiction.

In a situation where two people form a group, for example amongst co-workers, the human tends to generate a hirarchy. This is easy to see in economy, but even in a democratic election there is someone who manages the process or is in charge meanwhile. This hirarchy can depend on many things. Hence roles may be assigned differently for varying situations.
Based on this observation we decided to split all things in life into parts such that for every part we can assign roles. It turned out that in many cases I gather information and wishes from her. Then I assign tasks and we both carry it out. She once said, “I have to obey but I am very powerful!” and I had to agree.
Primarily I use this structure to track down any missunderstanding or constant source of displeasure and wipe it out. Sometimes the issues may look little in the beginning. But here I like the idea of a bowl with some water in it. If these little bad things occure you add a little bit of acid in the water. The bowl may withstand in the beginning but will break after a period of time depending on the concentration of acid. One could praise more often like adding a a chemical base to the water to neutralize the acid. I consider avoiding to add acid to be more elegant. Thus every harm, the small it may look, it’s an issue to be discussed and avoided in the future.
D/S helps me to deal with the little things. But what I really dream of is something more far away. Imagine it will create an unique bond, that is stronger than either love, friendship, trust or faith as it combines all of them.

The beauty of D/S gets visible when matching our kink with such a structure. It is obvious that roles may change or be conducted inconsistent. But we can use the kink as any other positive feeling to reinforce this structure. We decided to go further. She allowed me to mold her. Shaping her the way I want, but never force her to. I have to introduce her to new things, make her enjoy it. My reward is that my wants are her pleasure too and I get lots of it.

[Unknown Member]

Part II – Basic concept

This chapter is going to be about the structure of our D/S. It will explain the assigned roles, protocols, their times of validity and some rituals.
Instead of a single 24/7 set of rules we decided to choose a daily flow through different protocols. Starting with low protocol which is designed to get through vanilla concerns as quick as possible. Medium protocol introduces sexual aspects and is our favorite protocol. High protocol is something we are working on right now – its going to be pure kink and used for sessions. This division enables us to adopt to new situations quickly, not loosing the dynamic. In addition it allows “spare-time”. That does not imply that D/S has to stop, but that there is time for it when needed.

Let’s have a look onto the different procotols in more detail.

Low Protocol
It is starting when we get up. My job is to help and guide us. It includes all things to run our life and most of them are vanilla. We have a standard work flow for everything. 1.) We talk about the aims 2.) I present a concept 3.) She gives feedback 4.) I adjust and take care it is done.
This is procedure has to be understood as a guideline. We first tried to enforce this with rules making everything overcomplicated and gaining nothing except a high failure count. So low protocol has few rules and a strong guideline to help. When she follows I know she does because I could convince.

Medium protocol
Medium protocol is started whenever I decide the time is right. It is our favorite protocol, where she is wearing her necklace and has to offer me her body on command. It is my job to take care, that she is willig to submit in this moment.
First I thought that it would be great if this protocol gets active when everything is done for the day. Via this the positive feelings of spare-time and D/S could accumulate and I still think it’s a good start. By now we shifted the beginning of medium protocol to as soon as possible. It offers an additional tool to D/S. Using the dominance, you can make her do her part of the chores. I slap her behind to speed her up, demand a long kiss to make her smile. I use everything help her on the way. We do this for quite a while and I guess medium protocol gets low protocol soon. We will see.

High Protocol
This is demanding more service and preparation. It is designed to life the kink and help reinforcing the roles. I plan to have this active for rituals. By now we are trying out different things inspired by “O”.

So we have our roles and we have a structure. Of course the structure is filled with a few detailed rules. I don’t like rules to be honest. As commonly kown always is not always. They often kill spontanity. Considering the different protocols I am very careful when formulating a rule. Introducing a time consuming rule in low protocol would be against the purpose for example.
Nevertheless every violation of a rule earns her a funishment coin which she has to insert in a box immidiately. She also has to present her behind and gets a slap. Whenever there are no funishment coins left, there will be big funishment – a session by now. Big funishment can be done more often of course and will always empty the box.
This system has different advantages. First I have the direct feedback when something goes wrong and often we discuss it directly. In addition we are back in the game without further upset.
The second is, that by counting the coinrate (coins per week) I can see how well she is doing and wait for the right time to go on.
The third is, I can spank and whip her. That is my new favorite kink. Somehow I managed that she enjoys it too. Thank you “O” again!

This daily structure is the same everyday, but on weekends we start with medium protocol right away.
Weekends are something special because we often begin these with preparations. Therefor we developed some rituals, that are not written down explicitely. There is the inspection of “my” body. Caring about “my” body, for example shaving my favorite bodyzones. In addition we have the big funishment. Scenes appear whenever I am bored, she simply doesn’t care how frequent. I asked multiple times, same answer, yeah!

[Unknown Member]

Part III – Implementation protocol
At this point, we are leaving the surface looking on how to fill the structure. Normally I introduce everything concerning D/S. Over time I collected and developed some D-rules or at least guidelines, which are choosen such that they ensure the aims are met. As stated above D/S offers me a set of tools. But it is my tool itself. Having D/S set up properly, one can use it to easen up chores for example. As it is easy to see, this mechanic can only work out well if D/S is experienced positive. This is my first fix D-rule and already gives an idea how new rules or components are implemented.
In general there are two things to do to gain a perfect tool. First I have to design it for a certain purpose and second I have to “sharpen” it. For now let’s have a look on the tools you have at hand by nature. These tools are conditioning and reinforcement. My knowledge origins from wikipedia and I recommend to look it up as it is an interesting topic anyway. I’ll keep my explanations short as I am not an expert. The following is highly manipulative. Nevertheless I am using it. Most of our socialisation works due to the following mechanis.

Classical conditioning
This was studied py Pavlov who trained a dog. In training the sound of bells was played when a dog was fed. After training the sound of the bells lead to digestive fluid production by the dog. This can be mapped onto a human behavior to some degree. To give an example, one could connect orgasms to a single spoken word.

Operant conditioning
In psychology there is a zoo of methods for reinforcement. We go through the two important ones for us. First positive reinforcement where you reward a positive action. Doing that will increase the probability of occurence of the action. Negative reinforcement works the other way around via taking away a privilege to decrease the occurence.

With this mechanics we already have everything we need. In our D/S there is no place for punishment. This is my second D-rule implied by the first one. Why am I leaving out such a strong tool. Punishment, another candidate for operant conditioning and not meaning funishment, causes bad feelings. That is the exact opposit of my aims. In addition punishment implies that I would have the right to judge over her. I cannot have or take it, unlike she granted them to me. Oherwise it would create an inequality.
Now using this, we can tune it a little further. For this let’s have a look into the human brain, at least how I imagine it to work in certain aspects. It seems easier to do things you have thought of before. Professional athletes do about 70% mental and 30% physical training. 70% of the time they are analyzing, imagining situations and going through complex movements in their minds. So we always need a mental foundation to build on. This also helps to overcome insecurities, when she otherwise wouldn’t have known how to act.
The second important key is that we need to train basically everything. For example playing an instrument. Easy said, but let’s pick it apart a bit. Imagine you want to play a great solo of your favorite song. First you have to know the movements. But you cannot expect that they will work by only knowing them, you have to train them. One common mistake is to accelerate too fast. Again you cannot expect it to sound well if you cannot even play it slow. This is my third D-rule. I only proceede when we reached a point where no mistakes or displeasures are occuring. Sidenote: To be able to perform a movement without mistakes you need to repeat it up to 3000 times. Training can take a while.

With all these D-rules and the knowledge I formed a “implementation protocol” shown in the list below. I always make sure to praise every positive development. Not for every action but always when she is performing better. This is to concentrate on constant development to avoid running into trouble when things become normal. I am not a parrot. There is a statistic I have heard of. One punishment causes an effect that is about 15 times stronger than a reward. You wouldn’t make a mistake again if punished, but will you repeat an action because you got an reward once? This leeds to the fourth D-rule. Praise way more often than you critize which I consider a weak form of punishment.
Back to the implementation protocol which reads the following:

1.) Get her think about what you want from her – I sometime drop a word or two but don’t persue them
2.) Try it out one time and watch her reaction.
3.) Talk about it. If possible arrange some further testing plays or information sessions.
4.) Do it more often (speeding up)
5.) Embedding it into the structure
6.) Revise and tune it a bit, perhaps she has a good idea how to further improove

This procedure maybe lasts for months, as step 2.) and 3.) can be cycled through multiple times. If 3.) fails I often switch to different topics as there is much one can do or use different patterns. These would be specific to the topic and shall therefore not be mentioned here.
There is one trick I sometimes use to “change her mind” when needed. I make her beg for the things I want from her. After some time she seems to really wanting these things too.
About paying and denying attention. One good, one bad, one could say. Unfortunately it is not as simple as that. Paying attention works the same as praising, but is more hidden. COmbined they work wonders when starting with attention. Denying attention is a severe punishment and has the potential to kill a relationship. Unfortunately it is sometimes inevitable as it is my “natural” reaction to bad behavior. In vanilla times I often punished her that way. It ended up well because I forced her into a deep conversation later. Couldn’t stand the distance between us. Luckily she was always on board. That is something I wanted and still want to overcome. Whenever I sense that I am angry and about to deny attention to her, I know it’s time for a funishment coins and talk. It’s a great sensor, because I am the source of the signal.

[Unknown Member]

Part IV – Results
Here I am going to concentrate on kinky aspects. They are easy to measure and to communicate. To see the effect of our play it is important to know that we started from a quasi-virginity state on her side.
Let’s start with the daily structure. After we had set up protocols and have played with them a little, i bought her a little necklace. A functional lock in form of a heart. It connects a small stripe of leather. Although it is nothing special she is very happy to wear it as her sign of ownership for medium protocol. When we prepared for a travel accompanying my parents she insistet on taking the necklace with us. Of course my mother saw us by chance, because we went medium protocol way to early and the necklace had to be worn.
As I mentioned we have some rules to bed it into our structure. Of course rules get broken and there has to be funishment. We both have never spanked or got spanked before sexually. I went slow. She let go and I used her, that night earned her a new nickname. O-lover, have a guess what O stands for. Continuing to session number two. One Friday she came to me and asked if I wanted to conduct big funishment again. I ordered sunday because I needed time to prepare. On Sunday it took place after some research- and down-time. I was funishing her a bit more fierce than the first time, because she had to be rewarded for asking. One, two, three slaps on her pearl and she was wet instantaneously. Never experienced that before, it was stunning and beautiful. It is reproducable I found out immidiately.
Not to forget another special about this day. After research she asked me if we could do some cock worship, training for anal play, training for kneeling and further spanking. These are all not reached “secret” aims of mine.
After 5 month we did a great step in kink. We found our roles. We life them and enjoy them. And if we ever decide to stop D/S the basic components will alway be a part of our relationship, no matter how we call it.

Thank you for your attention.
Peter