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Hello friends
I am glad to have stumbled upon this forum. I am a 42 year old Dom who has been in the lifestyle for about 18 years. I am not new to the scene, but I will adit that the online world of D/s is quite interesting to me considering that I was doing this long before I knew what the D/s community was all about. Rather than go into my deep past, I’d like to start with where I am now in life. I have almost been married 10 years. My wife was vanilla when we met. I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship with a sub who was always on the fence about the lifestyle and going back to her ex husband for the sake of their child. I had to remove myself from the situation for my own sanity.
About a year later I met my current wife. I didn’t start off with the lifestyle conversation, but I did make it known that I have a foot fetish. Yes, for those of you who think this is not normal, it is very possible for a Dom to have a foot fetish. My attitude is that I own those feet to do with as I please. To kiss, to tickle, to beat, to worship, and to punish.
This was, for me, a deal breaker if she hated foot play and i wanted to be upfront about it. She had no clue about foot fetishes, but she was open to it and that was partly my goal…to test the waters of her kink level for future conversations.
As time went on, I began to introduce a little rope to our sexual activity and she went along with it more as a curiosity than a desire. But then a day came when she saw my real collection of bondage gear and BDSM videos and she wasn’t pleased. I really did like her and perhaps knowing that the previous relationship with a sub was such a mess, I settled for a vanilla life with a vanilla wife.
We are now close to 10 years into our marriage. The problem was and still is that I require the lifestyle to feel truly fulfilled. It hurt our sex life because I was simply never aroused by vanilla sex. It got to a point where we just stopped having intamacy altogether. I began to live vicariously thru the people I met on fetlife and tumblr and other lifestyle forums. Pornhub was my best friend. We talked about divorcing, but she was not ready to make that step and I wanted to try to figure out how to rekindle or reinvent our relationship. I finally told my wife that I feel like we should try to give the lifestyle a chance for 1 year. I have read many forums where people have talked about “the lifestyle saved my marriage.” I also read many that said it ruined their marriage as well, but from my point of view, we were already close to ruin. This would either turn us around, or put the nail in the coffin for good.
We have started very slowly. My wife has submissive tendencies that she hasn’t realized already fit into the lifestyle anyway. She is a giver. She tends to the daily activities dutifully already, but she dosn’t realize that there are aspects to those duties, that when done really well, please me so much that I would reward her. This is a struggle to write about because I know what I want to convey, but I can’t express it the way I mean it.
But my point here is to say hello and to welcome conversation with Doms or subs who have come into the lifestyle late in their relationship. I’m not looking for “tips and tricks” but more of the mindset and how you grew together, or even apart, from introducing the lifestyle to your spouse.
Glad to be here.
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6 Replies
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and since I am new to the forum and still learning how to navigate, if you would like to ever talk or compare notes…please email me. mjewett73@gmail.com at least until I figure things out here.
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Barefoot Lover,
Welcome aboard,
I have read many forums where people have talked about “the lifestyle saved my marriage.” I also read many that said it ruined their marriage as well, but from my point of view, we were already close to ruin.
From my experience here on husDOM I would venture to guess that the lifestyle may have ‘saved’ a few marriages, likewise, many of the ‘ruined’ relationships may have already been in peril such as your described.
Either way a D/s dynamic is much the same as any other type of relationship and you usually get back similar to what you put in.
You won’t find any subs on here to learn from, as that is by design, but there are several Dominants here that have successfully proposed the lifestyle to their spouses.
I look forward to chatting with you.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Hi mate. I met my girl on the net 13 years ago. One thing l have found is talking via text. Email or messenger sometimes can be easier to say your feelings. One cause u can say all u need to say without being interupted. 2 she has to read the lot.
My advice to you is send her an email. Plead your heart out. Make it known exactly what you want and keep telling her how much u love and adore her. Once she has it all in front of her least then she can about it. Just make sure she understands the benefits to her. That there is no abuse just consentual love. I am just out of the bdsm closet and l myself thought it was some crazy abusive shit. Now l understand the real side of it. Good luck brother l hope it works out for u -
I’d say D/s has saved my marriage but we are still to new and I don’t want to jinx it. 🙂
Welcome
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Well, as quickly as I came to know some of you…I am going to have to go. It would seem she really can’t embrace this life. I placed everything I own from the lifestyle…collars, cuffs etc. in a garbage bag and am tossing it in the trash. Fitting metaphor for what my marriage has become. I was going to resign from the page but i can’t figure out how. Peace and happiness to you all.
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BarefootLover,
I am saddened to learn that things didnt work out as you intended. I can feel your frustration in your comment. And I know from what you have said previously that this must be very difficult for you.
I am truly sending you some positive energy my friend…
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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