Hello

[husdom]

Beautyshead,

Welcome aboard,

You will not be disappointed to learn that there are several members among us that have initiated the dynamic.

I will also say that her sexual nature our desire has nothing to do with who brought the lifestyle up to who.

Focus on her pleasure and not your own and see where it takes you. She may begin to open up and discover new things about herself.

Best wishes

Mr Fox

[snrub]

Hello Beautyshead,

I’m relatively new to this myself. About five months in.

I’m responding to your post because I too am the one who brought this to my wife. Similar to you, I was concerned when I first came on here and learned that most of the members seemed to have had it brought to them by their wives. My worry was that it wouldn’t work for us because it wasn’t initiated by my wife. I’m not sure you feel the same way but to me it seemed like this whole thing would be a lot easier to get off the ground had she raised it with me instead of vice versa. On top of having to do all the work of learning how to be a DOM, it seemed I was also going to have to convince her to be submissive. I still maintain it’s easier to persuade someone to be a Dom than it is to persuade them to be submissive. What I ultimately decided to do was not spend any time trying to convince her at all. I just began acting as if we were this. I took baby steps. Lots of them. I went very slowly. I focused solely on my behavior and actions. I offered to help more. I offered to console and care for more. I showed up more. I did special things to show I was thinking of her. I demonstrated over and over that I had her best interests in mind. It’s why I love this dynamic so much… it helped make me a better man. It’s allowed me to become the man I always wanted to be.

Of course, she started to notice. And she appreciated it. We’v always had a great marriage… this was making it amazing. I still didn’t mention what I was doing. I didn’t give it a name. I just kept at it. Things were getting much more interesting in the bedroom. Then slowly, I started dropping little crumbs about what I was up to. I tried to keep it fun. Playful. When she would appreciate something I would bring it back to how that was an example of this thing I’m trying to create.

When I started out I was terrified to utter the words DOM or sub to my wife. I thought it was send her running for the hills. We are five months in. Now she tells me every day that I am her DOM. She wears a collar for me and has vowed to be my submissive forever.

Trust me, we are still very much a work in progress. I know she still resists. I also know that this is still more me than it is her. Like you I can sense that at times she does this more because she knows I like than because it is a deep seeded desire that she needs filled.

I don’t know if we will ever get to that place. My point is… I don’t think it’s necessary. This works wonders… so long as you put her first and loving lead.

Best to you and good luck.

[snrub]

P.S. I forgot to mention, your comment here resonated with me:

“However, I do struggle sometimes with how to help her think more submissively.”

This is an area where I find I need some help as well. My wife is the best, a great girl and an even better sport. She’d do almost anything for me. Sometimes I worry that she’s only doing this for me and that is unsatisfying for me. I want her to be getting something out of it as well. In the bedroom it’s obvious she does but I too am hoping that she can learn to find the same reward for being submissive in day to day life that I get from being Dom.

So I ask the same question to you all… any tips on how to encourage her to think and act more submissively? I’d like her to do it because she wants to as opposed to because she knows I want her to. It’s more fulfilling if it comes from her.

Any thoughts? Suggestions?

[beautyshead]

Thanks guys! I really appreciate the encouragement. It is so nice to hear I am not alone. Snrub, Yes! That’s exactly what I mean. Thanks for expressing it better. I want her to get enjoyment out of submitting and not just to do it for me.

[collarwithtrust-lead]

Not sure if this will help either of you but…. I found when I praise follow or make a big deal about the little things she does for me, like making my coffee or washing my work shirts with out me asking or giving her that chore, she lights up at pleasing me. We recently instituted “downtime,” being suggested to do so from this site and that really helps get us both into the proper mindset’s.

[Unknown Member]

Our love life has come alive and it’s more passionate than eveR.

Thousands and thousands of Vanilla beta married men out there would give their left nut to be able to write these words. You are blessed. Welcome to HusDOM.