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Happy but needing direction
Hey all, I’ve been lurking here for a while and finally decided I should introduce myself and my current situation. My wife and I have been together for 20 + years now and have always dabbled in D/s in the bedroom and have, I believe always enjoyed it though we both know we’ve barely scratched the surface of this dynamic,. Recently my wife has expressed a desire to move this dynamic into other aspects of our lives, which I’m very happy and intrigued about. So here’s where we get to my issue though we’ve been dipping our toes in the pool for some time now we are still very inexperienced so the move to outside the bedroom is daunting to say the least. Also because our dynamic has always been connected to and centred around sex, how do I go about separating the two? Any and all help and or wisdom from your experience would be an incredible benefit. Thanks guys.
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5 Replies
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Welcome Ataloss,
Let me just start by saying this is a huge question and not really answerable for me with what you have explained so far. What I will suggest is reading through blog posts and the forum to get a sense for what a more 24/7 situation whould look like for you and for what you would find appealing. Sit in downtime with your sub and talk out what it would look like and what would fulfill both of your desires. Something to consider is having 2-3 levels of intensity from lower to higher protocol. Low protocol might be for around the family, church, at work, etc. High protocol is for when its just the two of you or you feel like pushing things a bit. Start with understanding what she wants and weigh it agsainst your desires. Does she want you to select her clothes? Give her domestic chores to do? Send you sexy texts? Eat from a bowl on the floor? Start with desire and build the dynamic from there. Take time and go slow and talk about how it is going during downtime frequently (I suggest daily if possible). If you want to follow up with a more specific question, I think you will get more help. Or bring it up in chat. I would be glad to help if you are in chat with me as well.
Best wishes.
Thanatoi
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Welcome Ataloss, Your name states the way most of us feel as we atart down this path. I was Pleasantly suprise at how quickly Mira registered for SubMrs. I feel I am going to have to really work to feed her. I’m Very Excited.
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It’s ironic the sex part really got me going at the start but the respect and communication 24/7 has been the real blessing.
Simple daily rituals help. We have downtime over coffee every AM when I’m home. Another friend here showers with his sub every morning to center themselves for the day.
Others have their sub put on a day collar and Reciie a mantra while looking in the mirror. I assume he observes.
After being married for a really long time, handing out busy work assignments wasnt going to work well for us. But giving her true things to help you with, ones that really allow her to contribute help give her something to feel like she’s submitting to you but worthwhile.
Maybe come up with 1-3 rules that you both agree on. Simple yet meaningful, but not so many that you spend all your time enforcing them. No fun. Speaking of which, punishments get a lot of air time when we are new. I’ve gone very easy on that for us at first. It works for us. Married for 25 years.
What you find to work for you is the only right way. I’m just tossing out ideas. Good luck, don’t panic. It’s been such a blessing for us.
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Since you now have two toes submersed in the waters of D/s, I suggest carefully adding a third toe as your next step 🙂
Seriously though, just take it slow, that is my suggestion. I suggest thinking about ways you feel your relationship could improve. Listen to your gut, and start there. Maybe one rule that applies 24/7 is all it takes for now. This kind of pace has been (more or less) my approach, and we are pleased with the results so far. As an example, our first 24/7 rule was ‘say please.’ That’s all! We added slowly over time, and are, of course, still evolving our relationship as we see fit.
Welcome to the site, belatedly, since you have been lurking 🙂 Hope to chat soon.
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Welcome Ataloss. You will find a ton of great advice here. My best contribution is to be very clear what you want out of this dynamic and refer back to that often during your downtime or whenever you discuss how things are going. Listen and speak fairly realizing you are on the same team, and be specific about certain things that happened and how they helped or hurt your dynamic. This is a long journey, so take every twist and turn as an opportunity to grow this dynamic and improve yourself.
See you in the chat rooms.
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