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Great to be on the journey
My wife and I have been married for 28 years, and we have a great marriage.
Sex has always been a tension point, but not bad.
I began seeing some hints that I was too dumb to pick up on. She wanted to be restrained. I would be unusually aggressive. She loved it. I wanted her to initiate too but she resisted. I thought it was supposed to be 50/50. After all, thats what we are taught.
I smacked her ass when I was behind her. She loved that. I said Ill be more gentle next time. She said, “what fun is that?!”
I WANTED …..always wanted to be aggressive and basically own her, but I love her and my upbringing said I cant do that.
Anyway, i ran across this site and another blog and the light went on. She is a sub!! I asked her about it and told her of the light going on in my head. She was already wanting this but didnt know how to bring it up.
So, I said not to worry that I would take care of it, and it has been going full-steamy ahead since then.
However, we want to BE this and not just have play time. So…..much to learn, but Im glad to find this.
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6 Replies
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Welcome sir.
Sounds like you’ve found the right place.
Take the time to cruise through MrFox’ blog, and feel free to browse the forums. There’s tons of info in there, and it can be a bit overwhelming, so take bite-sized portions. Lol.
If I can give you any encouragement, it would be to go slow, and listen to her. Talk to her. Why are you finding out after 28 years that she likes her ass slapped…? Probably because you haven’t known what to ask, and also been afraid to be upfront in asking her things that you feel she may be uncomfortable with.
Put your ego aside, in a box with a lock, and sit down and chat with her. Ask her everything you can think of. What she likes, what she wants, what she wants more of, or less of, how she wants you to lead in your marriage/bedroom. What does that look like to her? What would a perfect day as your sub look like to her? What is her perfect dream of a dominant?
Get all the info. Sift and massage it and work together to make those dreams as close to reality as possible.
Real life sucks, so some of the wants will not be possible, but focus on her NEEDS first. With a splash of her desires in there to keep it fun.
I can promise you that you’ll forget about any of the things you thought you wanted in the bedroom once you start working on just fulfilling her desires. Heh. They can be very fun, and might just turn into some of your favourites too.
How can she please you? In the bedroom, day to day, around the house… what are the little things she could do that scream to you “she is mine and she knows it, and loves it”. The ones you can do in front of the kids and in-laws are the best 🙂 keep it simple and personal and you can give her the naughtiest messages all day and have no-one but you two any the wiser.
I’ll be on chat more in the next couple weeks. I’m moving house atm, but I’m very much looking forward to chatting with you.
Cheers sir.
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Great advice. Ive been concentrating on simply being more spontaneous with a “no is not an answer” attitude albeit slowly. Then, in the bedroom just giving to her. She seems to swoon. Baby steps.
Ill check out the content and Ill talk to her. All great advice.
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What do you mean by “no is not an answer”?
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Not as bad as it sounds. By that phrase I mean that I/we used to negotiate if and when we would come together. This is more, “Hey! You’re mine. Get over here.” and she knows we are beginning to dance around the edges of this whole thing, but admittedly in the past I’ve been a little wimpy and waited on her to say we can fuck. What I mean is that we are changing course and taking the lead. Nothing mean or actually using force (against will) is taking place.
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@Wabash1970 , welcome, sir!
I completely know the feeling of finally discovering the piece of you that you have been scratching your head over for years. We were, hopefully, taught to be gentlemen. To treat women with respect. To be equal partners often went with that. I did much the same for 19 years: asked rather than told, and that killed her mood almost every time. She CRAVED a Dominant but didn’t have the language to ask for it, and I craved her submission but didn’t know that might be okay. What finally took the shackles off for me was this from my kattunge:
“I know how much my safety and comfort mean to you. You’ve shown me nothing but for two decades. I know if I tell you “no” or use a safe word, you will stop. So relax. Be in charge. If I don’t like something you choose, whether it be how we play or what’re we go to dinner, I know my voice matters to you. Knowing that, be the Dominant you are. Take control. I want it, and need it.”
The realization that I can trust in her trust and that she knows when and how to speak her mind, I have not had to wrestle with just deciding for her, or us. Anywhere. And we are both SO much happier for it!
Savor the journey The seasoning isn’t in the destination, it’s in the enjoyment of the journey there.
~ Tomcat
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Something I’ve always found interesting,
Every one of us has a very strong submissive.
Every single person I’ve talked to on this site, male or female, has a strong, capable, intelligent submissive.
That don’t change just because she’s your sub. Trust the head that’s STILL on her shoulders. They are mature and able to tell you what they need.
Now they not only have a framework where they are safe to do so, but also thoroughly encouraged to.
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