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GentlemanSir Intro
Hello everyone!
My wife and I are both 42, have been married almost 16 years now and have two children that just started kindergarten. We have explored D/s in the bedroom off and on since the beginning, but have recently come back to it and are growing it outside of the bedroom as a means to address some old wounds and heal old hurts, both from our relationship and from before it.
My grandfather was a domineering man who fought in WWII and brought home a Filipino bride. My mother hated how he treated her and has had issues with men ever since, herself turning into a domineering rager in all of her relationships (3 husbands). She raised me hell-bent that I would not turn into one of ‘those kinds of men’. Genetics said otherwise, and I have always been most comfortable when I am in charge. Unfortunately this led to a lot of internal conflicts, not feeling like I was ok, not being allowed to be me while in her presence. I turned to fantasy a lot at a young age, and developed unhealthy fetishes that I never told anyone about until recently. I learned to hide, to not share myself, and to not be known. I learned how to be social, but un-intimate and never ever vulnerable.
Fast forward to my marraige. My wife enjoys kink, and never objects to porn – only my hiding it from her. This doesn’t stop me from hiding, from escalating at times, and from seeking out (and finding) my fetish that I thought only existed in my imagination. This goes on for years, and included other transgressions. 3 years ago I came to understand that I needed help in breaking those habits. I confessed everything over the course of several weeks, came to understand that I had become a sex addict, and have been in recovery ever since.
That last sentence has more to it than I could possibly cover in an introduction, without writing an extensive tome. I put her through a fair bit of trauma with my trickle-truth disclosure, which just piled onto the trauma that she had from her childhood (emotionally avoidant father, invalidating mother, promiscuous older sisters, sex abuse). Sex addiction recovery was the easy part – the hard part was/is learning how to be intimate and vulnerable.
I have grown a lot in the last three years, and we are at a place where we are re-engaging in a kinkier sex life. As a recovering sex addict, my ‘safe harbor’ in all of this is my focus on her. I share everything with her – all of my thoughts of fetishes and kinkery, and I use it to be vulnerable and be closer to her. I do not surf imagery or porn, for the sake of surfing images and getting high. This is an area I expect will be challenging to navigate as we progress.
One more note – one of my fantasies is of keeping a woman as a cow, to be milked (and fucked) daily. We are here because My Precious started re-inducing lactation to fulfill this fantasy, and we are a couple months in (but not producing milk yet). This next step into D/s is a progression from that. My name, Gentleman Sir, comes from ‘Gentleman Farmer’ – one who farms for the joy of it, not because he needs it for the income.
I am here to learn about D/s in the bedroom, and more importantly about D/s in the time and space outside of the bedroom. Advice and links to resources is much appreciated!
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2 Replies
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GenlemanSir,
Hello and welcome to HusDOM. You will find a lot of great information and support here. I personally identified with your introduction quite a lot and look forward to getting to know you better. Love the cow fantasy. Love that your wife is fulfilling that fantasy for you even more. I too have a beautiful woman in my life that fulfills all that I desire(it is extensive-read some of my posts in the scene section). It is an incredible feeling to know that no matter how “different” your kink or fantasy may be, you have a “safe harbor” that desires to give you what you need.
Congratulations on your journey. Enjoy the ride Sir.
Good day,
My Darlings Sir
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Gentleman Sir,
Welcome aboard!
I enjoyed your introduction quite a lot. You appear to have a good understanding of where you have been, where you are and where you want to go. This awareness is the ingredient to a solid foundation.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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