-
Feeling like a noob!!!
Hello all. I am one of the lucky few who have benefited from the 50 Shades series of both movies and books. Back in February, my wife and I finally decided to watch the movies before the release of the third installment. Much to my surprise, these stories not only resonated with each of us in our own way, but really showed us a life that we had craved, but I had been unaware of before. We are moving forward (at my pace which seems to be slower), but I continue to struggle daily. Let me provide some background.
I was raised by a single mother to believe that I had to be a “nice” guy. Two divorces later, I needed something different. I really stopped caring about trying to get with somebody. Then I met my wife. We we have been married almost 11 years now. After two deployments to Iraq with the Army, I was pretty broken. I’ve spent far too much of my past yelling at my wife and children.
In January of 2017, I was diagnosed with a Macro Prolactinoma (a prolactin producing pituitary tumor). It turns out that the past decade or more of me being a whiny little girl had an actual medical cause. I had the tumor removed in June 2018, but they weren’t able to remove all of it. I continue to fight what’s left, but I’m also trying to avoid radiation and pharmaceutical options (relying instead on naturalistic/homeopathic options). In addition to all of this, I struggle with simple things like planning dates or scenes. Sometimes I really nail it, but others are a complete bust.
More than anything, I have discovered in the last few months that I have a tendency to me domineering, not dominant. My subMrs has made it clear that this lifestyle is something that she needs desperately, and the more effort I put into living it, the more I desire it as well. I just want to find a way to step up and be the Dominant Gentleman that my wife and children deserve.
* One side note, I spend most of my time in front of a computer. I do computer security work for a living and if I’m not working, I’m learning. I know I need to find a way to assign more of my time to my duties as a Dom, but there are times when I get too focused on work or learning and neglect my other responsibilities.
I look forward to engaging with this group of Doms, and to all the things I can learn. Despite my struggles, current and past, my future looks very bright. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate any and all feedback.
-
4 Replies
-
in’s Dom,
Welcome aboard!
It sounds as though you have had many interesting experiences in your life so far. I like that you are getting ready for more adventure into the world of Married Dominance and submission.
The battle between Dominance and domineering is a real one. I believe that this may be mostly due to what information that we see online, in movies or even in pornography. Dominance defined by me is leadership. Many woman desire a strong man that will take the reins and take care of everything. The trick is that submission has to be earned and that you can’t just say, ‘alright you agreed to be my submissive, now submit’. It just doesnt work that way in a ling term committed relationship. It takes a lot of work. And constant nurturing of the foundations to the relationship.
The issue of not being focused enough on your dynamic when life is going on all around us is real as well. That is the key! When we first began dating we were constantly thinking about each other. Somehow after we began life, children, career etc… Our focus has become more on life in general than on our most prized possession, our submissive.
And I couldn’t agree more that your future is bright sir… I have found that one of the most important ingredients to a smooth transition into the lifestyle is participation within the community. I look forward to chatting with you about your journey.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
-
Welcome In’sDom
I think you will find that many of us on here have “benefited” from the 50 shades series.
Planning dates and scenes do not always work out like we plan or go in the direction that we want. How we deal with that will grow with the journey.
The fact that you have noticed yourself being more domineering rather then dominate is the start of fixing it. Think of becoming the leader and let that grow on you.
when you can go thru the forums and read what others have gone thru and get some ideas about many things. Also if your in has not joined lk’s subMrs.com site I would encourage you to have her do so.
once again welcome to husDom
Buck
-
Gentlemen, thank you for your words. This is in fact a journey. Today was a huge step for us. We formally outlined our first set of rules today. We have 11. Sounded like a lot, but most were things we already do. I am very excited to be a part of this community and I look forward to learning from and growing with all of you.
in’sDom
-
Welcome in’sDom
Hope you and yours feel welcome. We are all on the road to something better I hope.
Log in to reply.