Disappointment and frustration

[x-kmunik8d]

Except for the days when I have a bad day. My submissive is very very wanting and needing to have her punishments and sessions nightly. I’m haven troubles keeping up with her and on the nights that I just need to go to sleep and rest she gets very upset and distant the next day. She sticks to her role but with big distant from her.

Make sure you search for, and read up on “sub frenzy”, and make sure this is not contributing to your problem. I’m unsure exactly how long you have been into M/s, so cant be sure this is not at least partly a contributor.

Secondly, it sounds as if to an extent, you are “chasing” her wants. Ask yourself if she really “NEEDS” daily sessions, or if she just really “wants” them. Her behavior suggests to me that she does not have a clear understanding of her role as a submissive, nor an understanding of the differences between wants and needs.

Submission is about pleasing the submissives Sir. Even more so in TPE. In a 24/7 role as a slave, her service will not always be fun and games. Real life still rules the day, and real life shit still has to get done.

In my opinion, she is putting her wants before your (medical) needs, and punishing you with lack of attention when she does not get what she wants. This behavior is called “Topping from the bottom”, and can undermine your position as the Dominant/Master. Also in my opinion, she needs a clearer definition of her role as a slave, and her expectations laid out clearly.

Now, regarding her wants, I think you need to have a broad open discussion about finding solutions that will meet her wants. Perhaps you can engineer a contraption that eliminates the requirement for as much physical participation from you. How can tools help you meet her wants, needs and desires?

Please feel free to add anything more that can expound on the situation, and help us better understand the situation.

[x-kmunik8d]

Also, make sure your being completely transparent about your condition, involved pain, and limitations to physical activities. Great communication about all of this will be essential to a positive outcome.

[husdom]

Master H,

One of the most difficult things to do is to offer advice without truly knowing someone’s real situation or having any understanding of their dynamic. I wont offer advice but I will ask a few questions to provide clarity for myself.

How long have you been in a M/s dynamic with your wife?

There are some clues that would lead me to believe that this is a new lifestyle for the both of you. But knowing how long that you two have been doing this will make a difference in how to handle this situation. As one size does not fit all neither will the solution.

My submissive is very very wanting and needing to have her punishments and sessions nightly.

Real punishments, at least to me, are not something that any submissive or slave would desire. With that being said no Dominant or Master would desire a dynamic where they were constantly punishing.

Is your new dynamic is based primarily on sexual desire and not as much on the relationship outside of the bedroom?

These details will enable me to obtain a more accurate visual of your situation.

HOWEVER…

I will say that your submissive’s expectations as well as your own expectations of your new dynamic are not in tune. Neither one of you are wrong in having expectations. But you will both need to align your expectations to be successful.

Aligning your expectations will begin with proper communication, open and honest.

Begin by reading the downtime post… you will soon discover much more about one another than just aligning expectations.

Best wishes,

Mr Fox

[master-h]

hello Gentleman I’m reaching out to try and get some advice. I will try and add the most info as I can if you have any questions please ask me. me and my wife went into a contract almost a year ago. things were going really good but with the chronic pain problems I have it was hard to keep up with the day to day sessions and out of the bedroom things. so we stopped the contract in hope to pick it up again when I got more help with the pain. I have always had a short fuse and trouble controlling my temper. and with the pain it made things worse. so my kids and wife got the blunt end of my bad days. we would get into fights a lot and lots of yelling. the kids heard a lot of it just over a month ago we got into a really big fight and I tossed my bowl into the sink and slammed the basement door. the kids were scared and she left for the day with them when they came back things were still hot between us and nothing was fixed. I did not stop with her as I was still mad. not knowing how to really back off I made things worse. she was drinking alone and not talking to me. when she went to bed she locked the door and I forced it open as the door cant be locked because of the kids. she got scared and her sister called the police and she left with the kids. the weekend was not good via text messages. her mom took her to the court house on the Monday now over the weekend she asked me to leave the house but as I did not have any where to go I was not willing to leave. I ended up in hospital on the Monday and when I was there I got served with a EPO emergency protection order to make sure that I would not come around the house. since then the EPO was dropped and turned into a no contact order. the contact order states we can talk about the kids and if we talk about other things that it would make the order stop for that talk. we have started couples therapy to try and talk in a safe place. but I have had nothing but push back from her she has taken full control of me talking to the kids. I have not seen my kids in 35 days. I have tried to have talks with her about us and what Is going to happen. I have said sorry and taken full responsibility for everything that happened and told her I’m not mad at her for keeping the kids safe. I am in two different therapy places to get the help I need. but it does not seem like its enough for her. I really don’t know if me taking the vanilla approach is what she wants or needs or if I should bring things back to a dom setting. I’m really stuck here I don’t want to loose her or have the past mean nothing. I don’t know what to say to her to get things to click that I am really working hard to fix this. I know this is a big problem I’m just hoping that I can get advice. do I just walk away and only fight for my kids or do I keep fighting for my wife. what can I do to really show her that I don’t want to loose her. thank you gentleman for your time I’m looking forward to hearing back.

[husdom]

Master H,

I am sorry to learn of the challenges that you are facing in your relationship.

I really don’t know if me taking the vanilla approach is what she wants or needs or if I should bring things back to a dom setting.

Being a Dominant is not an action but more of who you are as a person, as a leader. After reading your overview of the situation from above I would recommend seeking professional help.

There is clearly much more going than what is portrayed here in this small post.

I hope that your couples therapy has proven helpful to both of you.

Best wishes,

Mr Fox