-
Delurking into an awesome community!
Allow me to take a few moments and introduce myself and unburden my heart. I am a 31-year old college-educated general manager of a large powersports dealership. I met the love of my life almost 12 years ago. We had an extremely short courtship. We married exactly four months after meeting. My wife (subMRS SN KittenSoko) is incredibly intelligent. She has four college degrees, and is currently working on her Masters. My wife is most definitely a “Martha.” We have two beautiful daughters, 10 and 5.
We feel that our relationship has always leaned towards a dominant / submissive style. I have been the captain of the ship from day one. She is more than willing to go along with my desires/decisions. Over the last 11 years we have had umpteen-zillion hours worth of conversations about actually engaging in a 24/7 lifestyle. We dabbled in it for about 2 months, ultimately a life-altering event took place and the attempted relationship shift fizzled. I understand as the dominant, I am chiefly responsible for that failure.
We have maintained a rock-solid marriage. As I’ve researched the subject over the years, it seems that sometimes people turn to this style of a relationship in an effort to fix a broken one. I do not see how any relationship will survive without a solid foundation. I feel that this sites message rings truest in our lives.
About 6 weeks ago, the dominant / submissive subject surfaced again. The conversation did not seem to end after just one day, or 1 week… So, we started implementing small changes. Baby steps if you will.
This evening my wife and I spent about 4 hours discussing how and why we would like to implement this relationship style into our lives on a 24/7 basis.
Her biggest concerns come not from submitting, but from fear of how it would look from the outside if it were to be discovered. She asked “How do I raise our daughters to be strong independent women, if I myself am becoming a submissive?” Her second main concern is how to reconcile being a extremely assertive alpha female with the label submissive.
Of course, I had several logical and poignant feelings to share with her on the subjects. Both of her issues are mental roadblocks that we must lovingly remove. I do not expect those issues to resolve themselves overnight. Any advice on what I could do to aid with those issues directly would be greatly appreciated.Our eldest daughter (10) constantly tells us how happy she is to have a mother and father who love each other and get along the way that we do. She comes home talking about her friend’s parents yelling and screaming at each other, as is all too common the case these days.
When Kitten and I do tiff, it is always over the silliest of things. Due to the lack of importance, I generally concede. However, that leaves me upset as I watch her hold herself responsible for the tiff to begin with.
In our situation, I feel shifting into a 24/7 Dynamic would be more of a fine-tuning than a mass reconstruction of our relationship.
While I know Kitten trusts me 100%, I think this is a subject that she needs a larger pool of opinions to comfort her mind.
She is a very private person. Getting her to register, and introduce herself on subMRS.com was a step in the right direction. (It also demonstrated her submission / dedication) While I know that I am new to this community, I am JUMPING RIGHT UP AND ASKING FOR A FAVOR. Perhaps some of the more experienced husDoms could have their subMRS sorta wrap KittenSoko in a warm blanket of welcome, love and advice. My current fear would be if she was to get a superficial response or none at all.
I have been pouring over the dominant side of this forum for about 2 weeks now. If the subMrs side is even half as helpful, I am sure she will be able to find all sorts of awesome future friends and advice.
Thanks in advance for any help that come our way.
-Beloved
-
2 Replies
-
Beloved,
I do not see how any relationship will survive without a solid foundation.
You have discovered the secret to any relationship… It doesn’t matter what the title or label of the dynamic you must have a solid foundation to make it successful.
Her biggest concerns come not from submitting, but from fear of how it would look from the outside if it were to be discovered. She asked “How do I raise our daughters to be strong independent women, if I myself am becoming a submissive?” Her second main concern is how to reconcile being a extremely assertive alpha female with the label submissive.
When we began this journey I was more concerned about this than my lk was. I was concerned that I didn’t want my lk to become a weak and needy woman. Today I have a woman that is much stronger and self assured than she ever previously was. lk is not weak, she is a force to be reckoned with. However, she allows me to lead… I am the captain and she is my copilot. She doesnt submit to anyone else, only to me.
Assertive Strong Female with the label ‘submissive’. It is only a label and her feeling toward the label is all her and her perception. Remove the label if it bothers her. submission is a weakness at all. Maybe she is a Vice president of a corporation. She would act as a subordinate to the president. It doesnt change the fact that she is a strong woman. When the president leaves the room, she is once again in charge.
As for how others see you and her in respect to the lifestyle, including your children. lk and I are a little different than most other couples but there is nothing that says we are D/s. I display more gentleman attributes in public toward her and she demonstrates a fair amount of respect toward me. Our children only see two people that show respect toward one another. I may open lk’s door and she may say ‘thank you sir.’ However my children were raised with please and thank you, ma’am and sir…
When Kitten and I do tiff, it is always over the silliest of things. Due to the lack of importance, I generally concede. However, that leaves me upset as I watch her hold herself responsible for the tiff to begin with.
This is what happens in most marriages I would presume…
Perhaps some of the more experienced husDoms could have their subMRS sorta wrap KittenSoko in a warm blanket of welcome, love and advice.
I passed this onto my lk, she will be sure to say hello to your KittenSoko…
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
-
Beloved,
Hello and welcome to the community. I too am new to the D/s-M lifestyle and the husDOM community.
Like you, my lady and I have been together for quite some time and there always was a dominant / submissive aspect to our relationship. What I didn’t know was that she was living as a sole submissive, without a Dominant. That is, until very recently of course. I could not be happier about our decision.
I understand your wife’s standpoint on being labelled as a submissive but wanting to continue being a powerful, independent woman, outside of your relationship. My lady is the same in the dual persona arena. She explained it to me like this: It is very tiring being so boisterous, outspoken, and powerful all day every day. She looks forward to my Domination because it means that someone else is finally in control. She can truly let her hair down and relax while I have the reins. Then, when she goes back out there, she’s well rested and ready to take on the world. Perhaps you could discuss that aspect of it with your wife. It may help her to truly fall into her submissive role. It may also help her sort out how she can set the example for your daughters. That is a very valid concern for her to have.
I hope that helps you both to settle into your new roles. Good luck to you both, and have fun!
Log in to reply.