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A New Start – Introduction
Hi all
I’m a 37 year old husband, married for 13 years, together for nearly 16. Live in the UK with 2 kids and 1 dog, spare time for us as a couple is rare these days. I work full time, my wife (Yorks Miss) works 4/5 so almost full time and she has a responsible job in the healthcare profession.
Why am I here? Life has had an impact on our relationship, particularly since the kids came along. My wife is a strong, confident and beautiful woman, I worshipped the ground my wife walked on, too much. Before kids it was fine, but with the added responsibility of becoming a mother I have let her become too much in control and have created at times a she-devil. A woman that 90% of the time is fine, but 10% of the time can snap, snarl, and is never wrong. Too many arguments come from this 10% and the knock on effect lasts a lot longer than the 5 minute spat.
After many chats over the last year or so, on Monday I grabbed the bull by the horns. In a text message I told her that enough was enough and from next Wednesday (5th Aug) she will be submissive to me, in short, she will give up control, the word “No” will not exist, she will aim to please, she will enjoy herself and try her best for the sake of our relationship.
Her response was unexpected. She agreed to the terms.
I now have 6 days to lay the foundations to change our relationship for the better, not only for 28 days, but for good. My hope is to make this 4-week journey so magical she desires the D/s dynamic to continue.
I have no experience in being Dom, hence why I’m here.
I will be starting a new post today to offer up some idea’s I have for how to proceed, I would be grateful to you all for any comments and advice.
It’s nice to join you all.
Yorks Sir
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5 Replies
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Welcome to the group! I admire your direct action. Others with more experience than me will chime in. From my brief time here, minimal rules and praise over punishment seem to be a general theme starting off. Too many rules at first will force your hand more often than you wish.
Consistency of thought and action from you will provide a foundation. Communication is big. There’s a concept here you will read about called Downtime. This is a chance for your sub to speak freely and if used often (for us it’s daily), you will flush out any problems or issues as they are developing, not days later when they’ve had time to fester.
Best advice, start reading Mr Fox’s blogs from oldest to new. It’s a great start.
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Welcome Yorks sir,
I, like yourself, have a very professional, hardworking, lady who, through time has become overworked, overstressed, and mostly miserable. She places this burden of constant vigilance and diligence upon herself and finds only more to do, worry over, and prepare for. The result is that somewhere along the way she forgets to take moments where she can enjoy the fruits of her labor. She works to avoid disaster and fthus forgets to enjoy any peace or security.
Brand new To this as well, we have begun this journey largely in the bedroom only, but I have already seen the change in her outside in vanilla world. She is learning not to hold on so tightly, to let some things go and to kick up her heels every now and then. Its a process but it truly has been fun to watch her transformation.
Since we have begun this, she my sub (Mio) and I her sir, we have been sweeter, kinder and more tender than before. We have been flirty and playful like newlyweds and, well, the sex has been phenominal! I hope for you similar results and wish you luck, sir.TonyTone
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Yorks Sir,
Welcome to the site! My usual advice is to take it slow, a mantra which I certainly learned from other more experienced Doms here, like Mr. Fox and Sir. I would suggest that since you are working within time constraints, you make an effort to remain very open and aware of her reactions to everything. You want to create an amazing experience for her so she will never look back, but if you push it too hard or too far it could have the opposite effect. Just remain flexible and be willing to modify your plans based on her comfort level. Communicate thoroughly and often with her about what is working or not. Best wishes, looking forward to chatting with you more!
Best,
Mr. -
Yorks Sir, congrats on taking the first step in your relationship. It mirrors how my sub and I began our journey more than three years ago where more often than not she was the one in control of our relationship and we needed a change or we would not survive. It has worked marvelously for us since then. My comments echo those of others who have replied, but taking things slowly is important. It is easy to act like a child in a candy shop and want everything at once! Secondly, be sure to communicate, it is important in any relationship but critical in a D/s relationship. Thirdly, whatever you do, and whatever rules you put in place, you must be consistent about them. Those are my immediate thoughts, I look forward to hearing how things go.
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Dear York Sir:
I would add that you need to lead your marriage in all ways. You should know her top three priorities, or wants, and work to make those happen while you lead her. Do you know her Love Languages? I am new to this also, but I would say to communicate love to her in way she can understand and Lead her where you want to go. I wish you the very best.
Dave T
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