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"A fine mess we've gotten ourselves into"…
My ex and I have been divorced about six months or so. Separated for over a year and a half. I moved north for my job but we stay in touch, a little. We are still and always have been good friends…besties even. I miss her on a regular basis. She is living with a boyfriend so our communications slacked off a bit for a while. Tonight she texted to ask how I was, and after a few pleasantries, we or should I say she, brought up D/s. She sent me a photo, of a sub with a very touching quote on it, and asked my thoughts…I replied, “it’s beautiful, and heart breaking at the same time”. (I’d hoped we would have something that amazing, but after 17 years, it felt all was lost…except the friendship, and she needed more than a roommate). Well, we kept chatting for three hours. She is pretty sure that she is a sub, though she wasn’t very good at it when we were together. Maybe that’s unfair…she didn’t have the Dom that she needed. ;). And so here I am, a man, with a new hope…the potential to rekindle something that I know we both lost. It may or may not end up the way I hope, but if nothing else, we may at least really learn who we are. Any suggestions on where a noob should begin? I began reading some of the blog, read a few posts in the forum, but don’t want to put the cart before the horse. I look forward to meeting everyone.
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6 Replies
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Welcome. That’s a tough one to write out. Tough for me to read as we were so very close to divorce ourselves.
Read Mr Fox’s blogs. Oldest to new.
You will read about downtime communication, trust, honesty. Start with that and you may win each other back.
Become a better you. She will likely be attracted like a moth to a flame. Whether she is or not, whether it’s meant to be or not, becoming a better you will always serve you well.
Good luck. As any questions you want. We are all brutally honest around here.
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Welcome, from another ‘noob’ in an almost similar situation. M’Lady and I separated September 2014 after 24 years together. Too much sh*t and no longer able to see the wood for the tree’s. In the year apart we both did a lot of thinking, changing and eventually started ‘dating’ again. Rebuilding from the core base which is that we still loved each other, but figuring out how to scrape off the aforementioned sh*t that had built up over the years.
She moved back in, this September, and we continue to rebuild our relationship.
D/s has helped, a lot. Not in the “tie her up and Dom her” sense of the word (at least not all the time!” 😉 ), but in the learning how to be Dominant, lead her, without being a domineering d*ck sense of the word. Which is how I was before, when I wasn’t being whiny b*tch anyway.
Having D/s in our lives has helped both of us. Repaired our relationship, and given us a second chance. No, it’s not perfect, and we still have ‘ghosts’ of the past to overcome. But, if you’re both willing (and she has already stated she is, to you) to enter a PE (power exchange) relationship, it may help both of you in this ‘new’ life.
BUT, and this is my concern, if you’re going to work on any form of reconciliation, what is your plan for going forward? She’s with someone else currently? Do you want to be “the other man”? Is that fair, on any of you? (you, her, him?). Is she currently happy with this guy? Or is she having a rocky patch and reaching out to you as a possible ‘2nd option’? IMO (in my opinion) you HAVE to get that worked out, between you, before you decide to try again.
I wish you well ‘brother’. Read the blogs here, hit the forums. Ask questions, a sh*tload of questions. Learn. Work on your self. Focus on you, not the relationship. Which, at first glance, sounds weird, but it works. At least it did for us. Make yourself the man you know you can be (the one she already knows is in there or she wouldn’t still be pursuing him) and the rest should follow.
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Day…you hit the nail on the head. The guy is who she began dating when we split, she has come to realize that he IS not the one. We have been talking since that first night. She was already done with him, before she reached out to me. We both know, that OUR relationship is meant to be. Neither of us trust anyone else with our souls. With our hearts. She is a very trustworthy woman. She does not lie. So I rest assured, this is real. I too need to be that Dom, without being the d!ck or the Whiney b!tch!!! You nailed it!!! She is a strong woman on the outside with a soft, oh so soft inside. Twice, while we were chatting I called her a Delicate Rose. Her middle name is Rose, but that has nothing to do with “this” name. And even though neither of us was ready to pick her a name, when I said it the second time, on a totally different subject, I knew that was it. And so did she. She and I both know, that HE is in there, but he didn’t know how/who to be before. She was too strong, and too afraid to let him be the protector,the strength he could be. We are reconciling, I’m sure, only the logistics remain. Will it be easy, no. But is it worth it? Yes, with every fiber of my being I know this to be true. There is no one as special as my “Delicate Rose”, and we will succeed. Thank you for the encouraging words my friend! I look forward to seeing you around!
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Wow…what a journey you are on. I commend your honesty and appreciate your willingness to share your story. Will be watching to see how you navigate the rest of this journey. Best wishes and trust that you will find help here,
Thanatoi
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Since Mira and I have Discovered HusDom and SubMrs it has opened up Communication in a way I could not have Imagined. I believe Day One and MrUnderstood you have found a Wonderful place to explore and learn about the D/s-M Relationship.
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How is going now?
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