Initially my wife and I began our website together to document our individual points of view throughout our journey. The idea was to be completely open and honest about everything that we were experiencing along the way. After my second entry on her website I soon realized that I couldn’t continue. If some of my inner most thoughts were revealed, it may diminish my dominance over her.
As a long-time married, loving husband becoming a Dominant has proven to have its challenges.
Some of my feelings, if I were to be completely honest, were of insecurities and doubt. These feelings weren’t necessarily about my ability as a leader. In fact, I have a strong dominant personality both in my personal life and in my profession. When at work, I am what you would consider the “leader”.
Talking about it, the lifestyle seemed simple. The reality of it became more challenging. This is the woman who I have cherished and placed on a pedestal for so many years. How can I now dominate her? How do we turn it on and off in our everyday life? Where does it begin and where does it end? Am I pushing her? Does she want to be pushed? When starting out without a solid foundation, every single step becomes a difficult decision.
Initially, my wife’s submissiveness was only in the bedroom. In no time we wanted more. After much soul-searching we decided to introduce the lifestyle outside of the bedroom. This made things even more difficult. Not only do we have young children but we are “in the closet” as well. Taking our D/s relationship outside of our bedroom and more into our everyday life proved difficult but also proved the most rewarding.
I have read a lot and learned a lot about the lifestyle already. There are a lot of great books out there to read. The three books listed below were the first books that I read about the lifestyle. I would recommend these to everyone.
1) SM101: A realistic Introduction – Wiseman, Jay
2) The Control Book – Masters, Peter
3) The New Topping Book – Easton, Dossie; Hardy, Janet w.
Though I am certainly no expert in this matter I quickly realized that there is no meaningful reference to married couples in any of these books. The books were pretty much BDSM how-to manuals. To date, I have yet to find a married with children BDSM book of any kind other than fictional erotica.
Much of what we do now, how and why we do it, came from our own personal experiences. I have read other blogs where couples have struggled and some blogs where couples weren’t successful and unfortunately, a few where the couples broke up all together. I believe that what I have learned from my personal experience can benefit others during their transition from husband to Dom, “husDom”.
Furthermore, I am not alone in my endeavor. There are many Doms like me and many husbands becoming Doms everyday. The collective experience, if shared will be an invaluable resource to others like us along their journey. Please join in and help educate every one of us by asking questions and giving answers and advice. We all have a lot to learn.
Let us pay it forward!
If you have something to share and would like to maintain your anonymity you may email me at MrFox@husdom.com.