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One step at a time
My wife (“Darling”) and I have been together for nearly twelve years now, married for three. I was lucky enough to snatch her up when she was a senior in high school, so yes, this was a high school romance in a way. We are deeply committed to each other and have been through a lot of life together already, with much more to come I’m sure. If I had to describe our relationship previously, it would be pretty much 100% vanilla with the occasional exploration, but nothing too major. I don’t really consider myself to have a “dominant” personality, at least not socially or professionally. In truth, I never really saw this D/s exploration coming, though in retrospect it is starting to make more and more sense.
For one thing, Darling never really had any long-term, serious romantic relationships before me, though I had a couple, and she has basically had all of her sexual experiences with me. Outside of the bedroom, she is pretty bossy and opinionated and likes to have her way, but in the bedroom, I have ALWAYS been the initiator. It used to drive me crazy that she would hardly ever start something, but with the new paradigm, it is not only fine, but makes perfect sense.
Aside from just initiation though, I have always expressed my willingness to explore sexually, jokingly stating that I would pretty much do or try anything. I’ve had some pre-exposure to kink and BDSM concepts as it was in the awareness of my social circle in high school. A good friend of mine got involved in it and would always bring it up to me. I think I used to joke that I would probably be the submissive. I also used to kid about certain people who I thought “probably had a BDSM dungeon together.” I now realized that these things were hanging out in my mind for a reason, and that I was probably repressing my interest in them somewhat.
The last thing I can point to is that I have always had an active imagination as a creative person. In many ways, the D/s dynamic is kind of like the adult expression of this impulse, which is deeply rooted in me. I love the thought that I can freely craft these, hopefully, mind-blowing experiences for my wife. As if the different tools of the Dom are colors on a palette, and the sub is the canvas. Oooh, I like that.
Well, anyway, how did we get interested in all of this from complete vanilla? Yes, like so many others, it had something to do with FSOG. However, not in the sense that one or both of us were huge fans. Quite the opposite (no offense to anyone who is). Darling read it years ago and I did a read through but just ended up skipping to the sex scenes. A few weeks back I tried another read but just couldn’t get into it (the writing turned me off). So we both kind of previously had decided it was trash and wrote it off.
So then comes V-day 2015 and we end up in a conversation about the impending release of the movie (we still haven’t even watched it). And I say something like, “Would you actually even go see that?” She says (I’m paraphrasing), “Hell yes, but not in the theater.” And I say, “Really? I’d go see it with you.” That kind of shocked her. I asked if we should see it on V-day and she sticks to her not in the theater thing. But then she says, “You know, if there’s ever a time to try out some things, this Valentine’s day is it.”
And that’s how it started. When I do something, I go full on, and I started my research, which led to HusDom. In such a short time, things have come so far, but we are very much in the beginning phase. Our first scene was incredible, her first multi-orgasmic experience, and then she masturbated furiously for a couple days afterwards. On my end, the energy provided from this success was incredible. I instantly “got my shit together” around the house and started taking charge of life in a way that floored her. She even bragged to her friend about the recent developments. As some of you already know, our second scene was a bit more difficult, though a great learning experience. The last week has been crucial as I addressed how to move on from that, and we had a short simple play session which went well. She is currently considering a part-time bedroom D/s agreement. Simple is the name of the game for us, as I’m learning. I’m starting to enjoy planning simple but sweet encounters for us that are crafted with our limitations in mind. Other than that, there are really only 2 standing 24/7 rules: say “please,” and nightly downtime. Very excited to see where all of this goes from here. Thanks to Mr. Fox for starting this incredibly helpful community.
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4 Replies
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Mr Steps…
What a wonderful introduction. It was like reading a love story…
I am very excited for you and your darling for discovering something that has brought the two of you closer together. I like the way that you refer to your troublesome scene as a ‘learning experience’, very wise.
I look forward to learning more about your journey as it develops.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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seconded… thank you so much for sharing your story. You seem to have the right idea about starting simple and slow. I hope that you find that this is a great community and resource for your journey. Be sure to have her join submrs.com as well.
Ironically, but while you two were discovering your new journey on V-day, we (HusDom / SubMrs group) all met up in Vegas for the annual Warren Gathering for Valentines day and we all went to see the opening of FSOG. I too am not a fan of the writting / quality or the movie (as a book & film enthusiast) … but it was so awesome seeing it with this group of amazing people and in context with our shared D/s lifestyle and interests. It was pretty awesome.Looking forward to chatting and getting to know you.
Welcome to HusDom.
Sir Hamlet
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Sir Hamlet,
Yes I agree completely…
“but it was so awesome seeing it with this group of amazing people and in context with our shared D/s lifestyle and interests. It was pretty awesome.”
I really enjoyed spending time with you and your Chryseis in Vegas and look forward to it again next year.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Thanks Mr. Fox and SirHamlet for your replies. Very excited to be here on the journey with everyone else. That’s funny about the Warren Gathering. I’m sure it was a great time! Actually though, I forgot to mention that our V-Day itself was a bust and our first “scene” went down two days later. The reason being that Darling was out of town, had her first flight delayed, missed her connection (by 10 minutes, that plane was still at the gate), and was then stranded in Atlanta. In my new role as her caretaker, I then proceeded to call and search online for two hours, but every hotel in the city was booked because of some convention. Poor Darling had to sleep in the terminal with hundreds of other strangers. So romantic! Well, I made it up to here once she was safe at home…
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