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I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can
Hello, Gentlemen! I’ve been haunting this site for a little while and it seems like it might be the best fit for my particular proclivities. I am not a husDOM yet. I’ve but recently found out I’m a Dom at all. Purely by accident I found my way to . I started reading. I found kindred spirits. I answered a personal for a sub in Illinois. She’s a new sub, never had a Dom. So here I am, flying by the seat of my pants. Reading every last article I can find, trying to stay ahead of the curve. At this point, she has no idea that I am not a long term Dom. I already have plans to let her no. It seems the right thing to do. I have apparently done something right, however. I apparently have a thrall in Illinois. I asked her to take the personal down. She cancelled her account. I’m going to instruct her to register at subMrs.com. I’ve been stealing from Little Kanichen’s articles to train her. Also, when I first advised her of how I was to be addressed, she disliked “Master.” I did not press it as she was more than willing to call me Sir or Sire. Now, just a few days later, with me having said nothing about it, she addressed me as Master.
Finding the Dominant part of me seems to have completed a circuit in my head. In just a short time my outlook on life improved. My interpersonal relationships have improved. I’m better at work. Contrary to popular belief, being a dominant male is making me a better person.
As for not being a husDOM “yet,” I am strictly monogamous. If thing with my sub work out, I will be her husDOM. But that is for the future. For the moment, the blush is still on the rose. I will not hurry.
Basically, I’ll be here picking your brains, Gentlemen.
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5 Replies
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killthemonkey, well to HusDom. I don’t have a lot of specific suggestions for your situation as I have neither done D/s long distance or in a new relationship. I would recommend that you focus first on most on building a good base of communication and trust start slow. I have started slow and still work on holding myself back when I get excited at all the new possibilities.
As to the title, make sure you work through it together and find the dynamic that works for you. Each dynamic will look differently. For instance, in ours, the idea of master, slave, etc brings up feeling of being an object or property which does not lead minx to want to follow. It makes her want to resist. I give this example as it is good to understand what words mean to her and what you are communicating to her by asking for a specific word that you may not be intending.
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Sir OTW, I will take your words to heart. What I’ve done so far is to tell her it’s what I would prefer, once. Then, if she uses it without prompting, and I never prompt for it, I give her positive reinforcement without making too big of a thing out of it. It is apparently starting to become a habit. She let’s it slip every now and then. I think the tendency is there. It’ll take time to get past the cultural taboo of the word. I don’t push her on the use of it by any means.
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The great thing is each dynamic will be slightly different and different people like and want different things. So you can build your own dynamic with your sub, the main idea I wished to convey above is that it is a journey to take with your sub and that is half the fun, communicating about what drives each of you.
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Hello Killingthemonkey – you have the credit for my first forum response… lol. As a quick preface, I’ve been in the D/s lifestyle since the late 90’s, and have picked up quite a bit, yet since this is a road of self discovery, there is always more to develop. I’m in a similar situation as you (LDR) which is going to be resolved in early april this year, when she flies to join me.
I wouldn’t be too concerned at the moment about the title thing. Sir OTW is correct in that each sub takes different connotations relating to the meaning of the terms used. “Master” means something different for everyone, and so does “slave”. I would be more concerned about earning the title, than having it given too freely. Having a sub donate the title as a proclivity, vs having earned it in her eyes are two different things. It comes down to which way do you want it. Titles with my woman and I are fluid, and the characterization of how we relate, changes sometimes from sentence to sentence. Daddy one moment, Master the next, punctuated with a “Sir” from time to time.
You’ll find probably, that the dynamics you choose, are the ones you will use, and have her use. You are the Dom…. right? Trust comes first – as a two-way street. Do NOT be afraid to ask her questions on why she feels this way or that way about calling you Master or whatever you want her to call you. This is how you learn about each other. I would recommend that you do not pussyfoot around in that arena. That’s part of the whole pleasure of bonding to each other. However, be worthy of the title… that is, our ultimate goal.
Hope this helped.
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Rebar1212,
I’m not too worried about it. I don’t hector about it. I just find it interesting that at times, it comes out on its own. Our LDR is going to take a while to resolve, but I do see it having a resolution. And I am patient.
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