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New here, new to this, quite confused but kinda loving it?
Merry Christmas boys. First post. First day registered. Closet reader of this site for a few days. The Mrs wants to step up our play, and I want to be confident in figuring this crap out. Lol. Gotta keep reading!
We are married with kids, 3 of them under 7. The Mrs is a nurse, but now works at our kids Christian school as a kindergarten teacher. (seriously kickass job. I’m jealous)
I’m at the hospital or working my part time gig 11 shifts every 2 weeks.
So sadly time is something she definitely has more of than me.
But that being said, she obviously is my pillar and makes my whole life run (kids food laundry house etc etc etc etc…. c’mon we would all go nuts without our Mrs)
We are not going to start out in the deep end. I think we will probably work on the D/s aspect just in the bedroom until she feels like it’s something she/we want to do beyond that. Has been a great couple of months of vanilla++kink previous to her telling me she wants me to be her Sir. And when she looks at me and the only word coming out of her mouth I can understand is Sir, I kinda want to explore this further… am I right?
Thank you so much Mr Fox for this site mate. I need to get some solid ideas for Contract talks/rule books. We kinda sorta have a preliminary, but we’re trying to figure out the whole “transition” thing with our mostly vanilla lives.
Spent today with the in-laws and it really wasn’t very vanilla. She ended up with spanks cause she was breaking the same rule every day. I’m kinda confused as to where our lines are, so of course she is confused too without my guidance. Little help?
At the moment she/we aren’t comfortable with the idea of a complete 24:7 D/s. But at the same point it’s hard as we are just starting this journey to figure out what that really means.
I still don’t know if this is all just her repressed hardon for Mr Grey and I’m just the lucky beneficiary. Lol.
Anyways. All advice would be good advice at this point.
Rulebook examples.
Transition advice.
How the hell do I hold up my side of this relationship change? This looks like a shit ton of work (that I seriously should have been putting into my wife for a long time. Thanks for the casual swat on the back of the head Mr Fox)
And everything else you can think of.Kink? Easy. Bondage/toys? Toolbox prepped. Rewrite the bedroom and make it a play/bedroom? Bought the t-shirt.
But I still can’t get my mind around making this serious and living it while/when we do. It feels like bad “acting” atm, and it’s obviously hurting this part of our relationship.
Practise makes perfect I know, but I don’t wanna @&$! (Can we swear on these forums?) things up just while we’re starting.
So, in closing, apologies for a wall of text.
Help please
Cheers
Merry frigging Christmas!
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3 Replies
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Welcome to Husdom. There is a lot here to unpack and unfortunately can’t address all your questions right now. A couple notes that might help, first successful D/s-M is all about communication, with the confusion you expressed and her confusion sounds like some good conversations about how your dynamic will look would be a good first step. As far as rules etc, I would strongly encourage you start slow and start with what you can manage and follow through on.
Finally, you asked about swearing. We do ask that this place be treated as guest in another house, so while some words that might be considered dirty are ok in context of sex discussion, we do ask that foul language be kept to a minimum.
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10-4.
That’s why I always ask first. Unfortunately that is how we talk at work, and it comes through in how I post. I will be sure to do a quick edit before I hit the “post” button and @&$! any swears.
We are trying to go slow and figure out what works. We’ve already had some awesome convos and we’re loving taking these first few steps together.
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As of right now we have a couple straightforward rules. Not too many yet, though I’m sure it will expand.
A couple of the big ones (as in get broken/enforced often, not as in overly “serious”) are touch me every time she is close enough to do so, and call me Sir or Mr Hermosa (she uses our last name here), and if that’s not possible (the context would make the in-laws weird out or something) then she uses my full first name (something she rarely does in our vanilla life. It’s usually shortened to one syllable).
So with those 2 rules in mind, and with the context of this being a somewhat bedroom/closet D/s-M, punishments are interesting…
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Punishment note:
Mr Fox, if you end up reading this, I loved your badge of honour blog a while back. Hit the nail on the head with her. She asked me to bruise her cause the one I left with her cane was fading 🙂 talk about a turn on!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Punishments currently are very limited as we work towards doing this better…?
At the moment if she breaks a rule, and we are not going to be able to follow through on her fully pleasing me (@&$! Me) for a Reasonable Time Period following the punishment, then it isn’t physical. I hold her face or hair, say her name sternly, and she lowers her eyes. She knows what she did wrong. But if we’re not going to &@$! For a long time I don’t know if she would be comfortable with a more rough correction without th release of a good thrashing or session.
(Man so in rereading this post I need to have a convo with the subMrs as to if that’s what she wants. Gods I’m talking to my wife so much!!! Hehe. This is the best thing marriages get. Period)
Anyways, does that seem like it may be a good starting point to work towards more of a D/s-M lifestyle as we work out what we want? Trying to start slow and punishing a few minor infractions (there’s more on the list, but the last few days when we’ve had “contract time” it seems like those are the ones she struggles with) when she breaks them.
We have never, not once, spanked for punishment outside of the context of foreplay, or @&$!. Doing it in the middle of the day and leaving her hanging, and having it not be a tease when she doesn’t get any later in the day… how does that work? You guys with experience… if I spank her at 3:30 pm cause she’s breaking the rules, then have to work a night shift and leave during dinner just after 5, we have no outlet there. Is she gonna just get wound up for when she can have me next, or will she get frustrated and tell me to not do it again?
Previous experiences would benefit me greatly. Lol
Again wall of text. Apologies. Help. Lol. And again…
Merry Christmas!!!
PS (Getting am hour nap. Have to work a midnight shift tonight. My Little Peach has been instructed to make a breakfast casserole for a mid-afternoon meal, and when it is ready to come upstairs and wake me up 🙂
PPS Frig gentlemen. How do you guys live like this? I’ve had a raging hard on all day living even a casual D/s-M with her. I can’t imagine having her in her collar 24/7. Id suffer an aneurism. Priapism starts to hurt after a few hours. Lol.
PPPS and of course when I used her this morning and at lunch she couldn’t help but get off… so all in all even though I’m the D, she’s tossed her rocks twice today and I’m still waiting. Heh. In bliss, but still waiting.
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